Long story short, I sought the Christian God to the best of my abilities for years. He was almost never there to be found or to help me when I needed Him. In fact, my life seems to have gotten worse since I started seeking Him. I couldn't handle the cognitive dissonance caused by the inefficacy of the Biblical promises when applied to my life. I believe in a supernatural power, deity or whatever it may be, but I'm mostly agnostic about it. I don't claim to have knowledge about said deity's characteristics or what it wants from us.
I come here mostly due to a combination of religious trauma and boredom
I'm not sure, either you are on the right track, so you will be attacked and hated just like Jesus was...Or, it's possible that you were living in sin of some sort and in doing so you turned your back to Him?
" the inefficacy of the Biblical promises when applied to my life. " ??
Christianity is not name it and claim it like the prosperity preachers preach. I found it to be more like...Building a Resume of Trust with the Lord. What that means is you begin to trust the Lord first. And then we do for Him what He asks in the Bible. If you read the Bible very much you'll quickly see that there is a lot more than 10 commandments! It's a book of Commandments and a nook of Promises.
You don't apply biblical promises to your life. You apply Biblical Principles to your life, and live by them. Stop stealing, if a girl lives with you, either marry her or move out, stop doings drugs, don't be sexually immoral. And all that stuff.
When you obey the Lord and do these things, doing them and obeying Him shows the Lord that you have a sincere heart towards Him and are serious about making Him the Lord of your life. You wind up surrendering to Him and you stay away from the pleasures of the world.
That's when the Lord sits up and He says, whoa, this young man is serious, let's bless him...and you have shown Him that He is able to trust you in small ways. Then as you begin to walk in faith, you become more pleasing to Him, then He starts helping you!! I have been there done that got the T-shirt. As you draw closer to God, He will draw closer to you!
One of my favorite things to pray is different Psalms. The Apostles used to pray the Psalms, and Jesus too I think. God loves it when you pray His own words to Him !!
If you want climb the Mountain of God, understand a few things. The Lord will be with you and you will see miracles happen. But in climbing the mountain of God, believe me, it gets real steep, real quick! Of course you will have increased altitude of clarity and be able to see more and more as you ascend. But! The way is steep. If you slip and fall then you fall further and do more damage to yourself than if you fell on flat ground. And I guarantee you that God will put you into tougher situations, that you don't like! The Lord has said many things to me that I did not like. As the Bible says, to whom more is given, more will be required...
How would you feel if you could have Jesus Himself hanging out with you, walking right beside you? It is written, He is the Friend that sticks closer than a Brother. When the Lord is with you, it's like a constant blessing. So, don't forget that your very best Friend is with you, so don't ignore Him. Talk to Him.
I was in a down spirit one time, I forget what my troubles were, but I prayed, Lord why did you leave me,? I feel alone. He said, I never left you, it was you who turned your back to me and walked away. I thought, Eek! and instantly knew it was true.
So developing a relationship with the Lord God is a back and forth process. Scripture says, study to show that you approved, Pray unceasingly, Meditate on the Word of God, look to the unseen and just trust him. When you take a break from reading the word of God, watch Teaching videos on youtube and do not fill your mind and heart with secular entertainment. When the Lord does something for you, He will confirm it for you and you will trust Him more. So you perhaps step out in a larger faith in Him and obey Him, and He learns that He can trust you more. Your Faith will be encouraged by the Lord. So the Lord will put you into tougher situations and test your faith in greater ways...not all of it pleasant!
If you have a favorite sin or two that you like of the world and still do, then that is probably the reason that you didn't see that prayer answered. The more you read the Bible, the more you see that is wrong with yourself so that you can make corrections to begin living a better life before God. God rewards obedience both, on this earth and in the hereafter. When we make effort, God makes effort.
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