Who is the Lord Jesus to you and why.......

[psalms 91]

Jesus has delivered me from smoking 40 years, heHe delivered me from alcohol as well as far as drinking to much, I no longer do that and have no desire to, He filled the place that needed filled to deliver me. He has blessed me financially, He has healed me, He is all to me and has proven Himself faithful, in all things. The spirit leads me in many ways, by leading me to scripture that speaks to me, buy a sgtill small voice, by His peace or not having it, so many ways, and yes even with visions a couple times and an audible voice as well. I am glad that God has shown Himself to me because I know that it is for today, it is real, and nothing cna shake that because I have experienced it

 

[Josiah]

the lord has spoken to you about in your life and what he has done for you

I have written MUCH of what Jesus did for me.

I have personally never audibly heard Jesus speak to me. I don't deny that possibility, but it hasn't happened to me so I can't quote such in this post.

 

[amadeois]

One day at work, in the morning, I was blamed for serious errors that happened the previous day.

It was important to the organization I was working for at that time.

I went to lunch at the appointed time but I could not eat. I was feeling a heavy demonic pressure al over me.

I remembered that people had told me: when you feel that you have problems in your life, pray to Jesus for help. At that time in my life, I did not believe in praying to Him.

At that lunch time, I couldn't eat nothing but I took that whole time to pray to Jesus to please help me with my troubled spirit.
Then went back to work still feeling terrible and down in my spirit.

I got back to the office and I couldn't work. I get a phone call in an hour and half the problem is solved. Another half hour and my entire problem totally resolved.

Somebody else had committed those errors and I was being blamed by my superiors because they did not the TRUTH at that time. One thing that I remember well is that nobody apologized.
Nothing, not a kind word from those superiors that were pointing the finger to the wrong person.

The result of this whole ordeal changed the way I looked at prayers because my request was answered SO FAST.

I now believe that the Lord wanted to teach me a lesson to TRUST him. That day Jesus changed me and showed me how wonderful and powerful He is.

HE CHANGED ME, MADE ME A BETTER PERSON AND NOW HE IS MY BEST FRIEND.

Sent from my SM-N900T using Tapatalk

 

[Alithis]

Jesus has delivered me from smoking 40 years, heHe delivered me from alcohol as well as far as drinking to much, I no longer do that and have no desire to, He filled the place that needed filled to deliver me. He has blessed me financially, He has healed me, He is all to me and has proven Himself faithful, in all things. The spirit leads me in many ways, by leading me to scripture that speaks to me, buy a sgtill small voice, by His peace or not having it, so many ways, and yes even with visions a couple times and an audible voice as well. I am glad that God has shown Himself to me because I know that it is for today, it is real, and nothing cna shake that because I have experienced it

it is wonderful that he is a rel and present help , he does not say "call upon me and i will answer you ..." and then not do it .

when we ask in faith , believing , nothing wavering .. we know we have what we ask for .

 

[Stravinsk]

i'm not addressing that part of your post because its not the topic of the thread .. start another one and i'll come discuss it lol .

if you haven't got testimony then you haven't got it , no problem .

Of course it is part of the topic of the thread. Here's your post:

Example. Some years back i knew God did not want me to smoke . its bad for me and he loves me.hedoesnt desire me to do things that are bad for me .
I prayed and asked him to give me the wisdom to stop (i chain smoked)
7 days later i was a non smoker. Hence The lord jesus (on multiple things) is my lord and my deliverer. He delivered me from smoking.

My question:

How would you respond if you met someone who was delivered from smoking or some other unwanted habit using another name or another method, the result being the same?

goes directly to what you are using as evidence or proof.

 

[Josiah]

I believe that God causes the rain to fall on the just and unjust alike... that His love is unconditional.... and thus it is my expectation (and experience) that unbelievers are often blessed by God (sometimes enormously, miraculiously). However, IMO, this does not deduce the reality of blessings received by believers and does not contradict His promises to such.

I'm glad Alithis stopped smoking (perhaps God empowered me even more so as to never smoke in the first place?).... and I find it allowable and appropriate to give the credit to God for this. Now..... could God have used MEANS to do this? Sure (probably did) but it's therefore no less His work, no less His miracle and blessing. Could God have done the same for a non-believer? Sure (and no doubt often does). See: http://www.christianityhaven.com/showthread.php?2299-God-Does-NOT-Heal-All-CHRISTIAN-Discussion

But I think the issue of THIS thread is for CHRISTIANS to write of how they have been blessed. ???




PS Mark - I'm not sure you're going to get an answer from our friend.... but I think your question is reasonable (although not all questions are answerable).




.

 

[Cassia]

As an example of what Christ is to me ... He is my protector.. everything He does is for my personal good
My brother is in the loneliness of the garden of Gethsema with us all around that are very much asleep. He has chosen to die at home. I can only call that place of sleeping as what Pink Floyd would call comfortably numb. That sleep, that numbness is so needed. Praise God that He gives us that and for allowing my brother to share an experince with Him that we are not privy to. It took a long time to bring him there.

 

[Rens]

Of course it is part of the topic of the thread. Here's your post:



My question:



goes directly to what you are using as evidence or proof.

I saw atheists at the office stop smoking cold turkey and I was like: hey wait, if they can do it, how much more can I be set free from it? I have the Holy Spirit and His power in me. Hello! Waky waky! That's my response, not to them though. For them to get the impression I'm a normal person I just say something like: oh great!

 

[MarkFL]

I believe that God causes the rain to fall on the just and unjust alike... that His love is unconditional.... and thus it is my expectation (and experience) that unbelievers are often blessed by God (sometimes enormously, miraculiously). However, IMO, this does not deduce the reality of blessings received by believers and does not contradict His promises to such.

I'm glad Alithis stopped smoking (perhaps God empowered me even more so as to never smoke in the first place?).... and I find it allowable and appropriate to give the credit to God for this. Now..... could God have used MEANS to do this? Sure (probably did) but it's therefore no less His work, no less His miracle and blessing. Could God have done the same for a non-believer? Sure (and no doubt often does). See: http://www.christianityhaven.com/showthread.php?2299-God-Does-NOT-Heal-All-CHRISTIAN-Discussion

But I think the issue of THIS thread is for CHRISTIANS to write of how they have been blessed. ???




PS Mark - I'm not sure you're going to get an answer from our friend.... but I think your question is reasonable (although not all questions are answerable).




.

Hello Josiah,

I'm not sure which question of mine you are referring to...I have until now refrained from posting in this thread because I felt, as you stated, that this thread is for Christians to speak about their relationship with their Savior. :dunno:

 

[Alithis]

Of course it is part of the topic of the thread. Here's your post:



My question:



goes directly to what you are using as evidence or proof.

The whole point of the thread is to speak about the lord jesus and his goodness .to testify of him.not debate proofs etc.

 

[Alithis]

Lol hung up on smoking topic instead of how the lord jesus works in us as he lives in us and speaks to us.

Youll probably start discussing. Fences now lol.
---some years back we had an older wooden fence between our properties Fall down after a storm .
It stayed down a long time.as local laws go..border fences are shared responsability and cost. So we went through the proceedure of getting quotes etc .as niether party at the time could afford much. But our elderly neighbor refused her share. The proceedure is in such a case.to send a formal letter with quotes.and if they wont respond the court Can extract it from them. But in the nz welfare system ,at that time,she would not actually pay anything up front . The welfare would and she would pay it back at $2, a week .lol yes just 2.
But ..we couldnt get her to undestand this and it began to be a war zone..a conflict.
We carefully did everything by the book .but it got very Intense.
We were acting in our rights and being carful to do everything legally and as in conflict and flesh..started to desire "to win" knowing we were in our full legal rights.

And then... As i went to bed one evening a great disquiet came upon me, i struggeld and wrestled and could find no peace nor sleep .the holy spirit spoke to me and said to me.. She is a widow..and you are causing her great stress and worry..
I was so wrapped up in "my rights" i had blinded myself to what is gods right.
I lay there and changed my thinking at the lords rebuke. I said lord i will do as you say and make this right in you.

The next morning i saw her in her yard and i called her over.i apologised for causing her so much worry.i told her i would pay all costs and build the fence at no cost to her .
That dear old lady had tears in her eys and sh grabbed me and hugged me..it was a moment worth a thousand fence costs.

We rebuilt that fence brand new and named it peace .
And i learned that love sees past every outer circumstance and seeks to do in the heart of all in the honour of obedience to God. I learned by God speaking to me that day..that the only worldy right we have as deciples of JESUS ,is the right to love our neighbor as ourselves.

 

[Josiah]

Hello Josiah,

I'm not sure which question of mine you are referring to...I have until now refrained from posting in this thread because I felt, as you stated, that this thread is for Christians to speak about their relationship with their Savior. :dunno:

It was a "generic" input - a bit stimulated by your post but not a reply to it. FYI (as we all get to know each other), I'm pretty consistent about giving the quote when I'm speaking to it. I wish others would too because sometimes it's hard to know what they are referring to with "Yeah, me too" kind of posts, lol.... "Yeah" to WHAT?

It's good to have you here at CH. I appreciate your posts.... even on those rare occasions when I disagree with you, you are articulate and contribute things of value. And of course, I appreciate all you do on staff with this site.



- Josiah

 

[Alithis]

One day at work, in the morning, I was blamed for serious errors that happened the previous day.

It was important to the organization I was working for at that time.

I went to lunch at the appointed time but I could not eat. I was feeling a heavy demonic pressure al over me.

I remembered that people had told me: when you feel that you have problems in your life, pray to Jesus for help. At that time in my life, I did not believe in praying to Him.

At that lunch time, I couldn't eat nothing but I took that whole time to pray to Jesus to please help me with my troubled spirit.
Then went back to work still feeling terrible and down in my spirit.

I got back to the office and I couldn't work. I get a phone call in an hour and half the problem is solved. Another half hour and my entire problem totally resolved.

Somebody else had committed those errors and I was being blamed by my superiors because they did not the TRUTH at that time. One thing that I remember well is that nobody apologized.
Nothing, not a kind word from those superiors that were pointing the finger to the wrong person.

The result of this whole ordeal changed the way I looked at prayers because my request was answered SO FAST.

I now believe that the Lord wanted to teach me a lesson to TRUST him. That day Jesus changed me and showed me how wonderful and powerful He is.

HE CHANGED ME, MADE ME A BETTER PERSON AND NOW HE IS MY BEST FRIEND.

Sent from my SM-N900T using Tapatalk

Exactly praise God .he speaks to us all in so many ways .

 

[Stravinsk]

The whole point of the thread is to speak about the lord jesus and his goodness .to testify of him.not debate proofs etc.

You seem to have a problem grasping the difference between answering a simple and direct question and understanding the reasons behind it.

You've claimed that Jesus is your savior and deliverer and as evidence of this you point to a bad habit (smoking) that you are now free from.

I did not ask you to prove your own assertion or reason behind it. What I did do is ask you how you would respond to someone else who also was free from this (or another) unwanted habit but claimed another name or another method of being free from it.

 

[Alithis]

You seem to have a problem grasping the difference between answering a simple and direct question and understanding the reasons behind it.

You've claimed that Jesus is your savior and deliverer and as evidence of this you point to a bad habit (smoking) that you are now free from.

I did not ask you to prove your own assertion or reason behind it. What I did do is ask you how you would respond to someone else who also was free from this (or another) unwanted habit but claimed another name or another method of being free from it.

like i said .. start a new thread on it and ask, and i will come an answer it there .
mention me my putting @ so i know about it

 

[Stravinsk]

like i said .. start a new thread on it and ask, and i will come an answer it there .
mention me my putting @ so i know about it

It was a packed audience, and the speaker and host, Mr Alithis, had taken center stage.

Alithis: "My dear people. I would like to proclaim to you the Lord Jesus Christ. His power and majesty is breathtaking. He is Lord of All and and He works in my own life. After all, I was once a smoker, and now I am free! Thus, Jesus is my Lord and Savior! Anyone else?"

Jew: "Gee, I once smoked too. Gave up the habit 10 years ago. But I didn't pray to Jesus about it"

Muslim: " Jesus? No, Allah be praised! His peace be upon the prophet Mohammad. Mohammad delivered me from tobacco! (moderate) 'I hope all non-muslims come to know the power of Allah and his prophet Mohammad' (radical) 'non-Muslim smokers, meet my sword!!'"

Atheist: " Uh huh. I was a smoker for 20 years. Doc said I had to give it up or I'd die within 5. Made a decision. Smoke free now for 10 years. "

Agnostic: " If that's a testimony of the power of Jesus, it doesn't convince me. I once smoked too, and it didn't take me becoming a Christian to quit the habit "



Alithis:

"Now now! This is for Christian testimonies only! All you non-Christians - move to another room! I will not discuss this with you!"


The point I'm making, Mr Alithis - is that your position and evidence for that position, along with your refusal to answer a simple question shows the weakness of that position. To an outsider of the faith, especially one who has overcome a bad habit (like smoking), it lends no believability to that faith.


I have a testimony of sorts. I'll say plainly what it is.

In my youth, early adulthood - I had a major substance (drug) abuse problem. I went to jail over it. I was homeless for a while partly because of it. I typically could hold down work but would spend a great deal of my income on the substances I was abusing.

I quit. One could say Jesus was involved - because I did pray. However - the practical application of changing attitudes came through certain actions of speaking and doing - and becoming single minded in this particular area. I do credit certain passages of Scripture for giving me wisdom though - those that deal with being single minded, being honest, utilizing the power of the tongue and to help with all of these - prayers to this effect.

The wisdom used could be found in a number of self help books, but the original source for it, as far as I know or knew - were biblical passages. Proverbs specifically and also some teachings of Yeshua and of James.

 

[visionary]

Who is the Lord Jesus to you and why?
What good things has he done for you personally ?
(Not just quoting verses about salvation and forgiveness )

I mean real life every day things that are not distant theology but here & now blessings of the power of God at work in our lives ..that sort of thing.

the lord JESUS being the center of the topic as he is so very wonderful and he LIVES .
.

[MENTION=131]visionary[/MENTION]
[MENTION=43]psalms 91[/MENTION] help me out ,i know you two know understand testimony of how the lord speaks to us and deals with us to transform us and bring us into all he has for us -

Years ago, I was at a crisis in my life, trapped in a abusive relationship with no one to turn to. I was ready to give up on life but thought I would give God a chance to be real and thus I would have hope in the dark world I was living in. So I challenged God that if I did everything I was suppose to, He would meet with me and be real with me, so putting my finger on Rev 3:20 I prayed. I declared that I would dedicate myself to letting Him teach me how to meet Him, what I would need to have to do, how to prepare myself to meet this Holy One of the Bible. It was me, the bible, and prayerfully listening as He lead me through the bible showing me the way. I was six months into this day and night study, seeking, searching, praying, and with scribblers full of notes learning how the people of the bible saw met God, and on all manners of subjects so that I understood what they experienced and understood. I had no religious teachers to tell me how the church believes we should believe. It was just between me, God and the Bible.

One day, while I was reading through Corinthians, I came upon the passage about how I am the TEMPLE OF GOD. Then it all clicked, I opened the door to my heart and prayerfully asked Him to come in. He did. The cobwebs of the attic were blown out, the dust cleared, the secrets of my soul were exposed, and the books of my life were opened. As He poured over my life, I repented, He forgave. There were some things I did not understand how they were a sin, He would stop and open up my mind to the roots of it, the branches of it and how they affected all those around me, and the fruit of just on how poisonous it was now and in the future.

The seeds would continue to grow in the hearts and minds of all those it came in contact with. I was horrified. Those little sins are monsters. Those little white lies have long arms and reach far beyond what I would have imagined, doing untold damage, and with long lasting effects. I was astounded at the horrific devastation to not only my soul but all those it was in reach of. The ripple effect of sin, I could now see does effect the fourth and fifth generation. Sin upon sins was exposed until I was overwhelmed and was wondering if there was no end to them. At that point, God closed the book of my life, with a stamp of His blood and I was forgiven and the burden of sin was taken off my shoulders.

I was blown away at what just happened. I looked around me, and found my bible in shreds. I guess the devil was ******, and I never even realized what a battle there was to clean the devils nasty trash out of my attic. I, on the other hand, was resting in the afterglow of what had been accomplished, and felt the "peace that passes all understanding". Praise the Lord.

Even while I was revealing in the newness of the experience, the Lord didn't forget the deal. He promised to "sup with me" and I with Him if I followed His instructions. There was a knock at my door. I went to open it and was overwhelmed in His Holy Presence. I felt like Isaiah who said "Woe is me for I am unclean". I know He cleaned me but in His Presence, I was unworthy. He laid His cloak of righteousness upon my shoulders and I could arise in His Holy Almighty Presence. What I saw, was Him in His clearness. [Exodus 24:10] We talked, time stood still, every word was scripture alive, in harmony and flowing forth from Him. The imagery that was presented with His answers gave dimensions that ordinary conversation could not explain. If there was a question, that could not be answered by scripture, He would "yah or nah" which is scriptural.

There were many things we talked about and when our time was over, it was dark. I had started first thing that morning with prayer and study and about 12 hours later it was over. The room was dark now, I was contemplating all that we had discussed, when my husband came to the doorway and didn't come any further. The devil in him raged and told me all the things that had just occurred. I looked around me to see if there was any hint that would tell my husband such things. Nothing... just our ordinary living room. My husband, after the rant was over turned and went into the kitchen. I followed to ask him, how did he know. When I asked it, he said he had not yet got to the living room, had no idea what I was saying, and proceeded to make himself a sandwich.

I have since that time been studying scriptures to learn what I was told by Him, and to find the scriptures He used to explain things to me. It has been over thirty years and I am still unraveling the picture. Revelation is alive and real. It is unfolding now and the players in the vision are coming on earth's stage for us all to witness the last days. The thing about putting this all together is that while in God's Presence, the mind is wide open to see and understand a full range of things. When the vision is over, the linear view is back and I only see bits of it. But even those bits are vastly more than what a printed word can describe.

All I can suggest for all of you, is to get so serious with God that this world has nothing to misdirect your purpose in meeting with Him now. Learn the truth from Him. The "gems" of here and there from anyone inspired are little bits of light in the spiritual darkness that is descending upon us. Whatever you believe, lay it on the altar ready to give it all up, because if you do not, then when He comes the shock of who He really is will have you fleeing and praying for rocks to fall on you.

You will be overwhelmed by your unworthiness to be in His Presence. Even I who has been in His Presence for that moment of my life, know that when He comes, I too will be overwhelmed by my unworthiness to be in His Presence. The only thing I can cling to is "knowing" Him. I need to "know" Him more and more each day so that when He comes I will be like Him. It is worth every sacrifice of this earth to be in His Presence. The difference is night and day.

 

[Alithis]

I <snip>

"Now now! This is for Christian testimonies only!

I left the only relevant part of your post that relates to the topic of this thread.
-To testify of the goodness of the lord jesus. Not deny and mock him.

Thankyou for clarifying that you are not a deciple of the lord jesus.by referring to your self as non-christian.

 

[Alithis]

Years ago, I was at a crisis in my life, trapped in a abusive relationship with no one to turn to. I was ready to give up on life but thought I would give God a chance to be real and thus I would have hope in the dark world I was living in. So I challenged God that if I did everything I was suppose to, He would meet with me and be real with me, so putting my finger on Rev 3:20 I prayed. I declared that I would dedicate myself to letting Him teach me how to meet Him, what I would need to have to do, how to prepare myself to meet this Holy One of the Bible. It was me, the bible, and prayerfully listening as He lead me through the bible showing me the way. I was six months into this day and night study, seeking, searching, praying, and with scribblers full of notes learning how the people of the bible saw met God, and on all manners of subjects so that I understood what they experienced and understood. I had no religious teachers to tell me how the church believes we should believe. It was just between me, God and the Bible.

One day, while I was reading through Corinthians, I came upon the passage about how I am the TEMPLE OF GOD. Then it all clicked, I opened the door to my heart and prayerfully asked Him to come in. He did. The cobwebs of the attic were blown out, the dust cleared, the secrets of my soul were exposed, and the books of my life were opened. As He poured over my life, I repented, He forgave. There were some things I did not understand how they were a sin, He would stop and open up my mind to the roots of it, the branches of it and how they affected all those around me, and the fruit of just on how poisonous it was now and in the future.

The seeds would continue to grow in the hearts and minds of all those it came in contact with. I was horrified. Those little sins are monsters. Those little white lies have long arms and reach far beyond what I would have imagined, doing untold damage, and with long lasting effects. I was astounded at the horrific devastation to not only my soul but all those it was in reach of. The ripple effect of sin, I could now see does effect the fourth and fifth generation. Sin upon sins was exposed until I was overwhelmed and was wondering if there was no end to them. At that point, God closed the book of my life, with a stamp of His blood and I was forgiven and the burden of sin was taken off my shoulders.

I was blown away at what just happened. I looked around me, and found my bible in shreds. I guess the devil was ******, and I never even realized what a battle there was to clean the devils nasty trash out of my attic. I, on the other hand, was resting in the afterglow of what had been accomplished, and felt the "peace that passes all understanding". Praise the Lord.

Even while I was revealing in the newness of the experience, the Lord didn't forget the deal. He promised to "sup with me" and I with Him if I followed His instructions. There was a knock at my door. I went to open it and was overwhelmed in His Holy Presence. I felt like Isaiah who said "Woe is me for I am unclean". I know He cleaned me but in His Presence, I was unworthy. He laid His cloak of righteousness upon my shoulders and I could arise in His Holy Almighty Presence. What I saw, was Him in His clearness. [Exodus 24:10] We talked, time stood still, every word was scripture alive, in harmony and flowing forth from Him. The imagery that was presented with His answers gave dimensions that ordinary conversation could not explain. If there was a question, that could not be answered by scripture, He would "yah or nah" which is scriptural.

There were many things we talked about and when our time was over, it was dark. I had started first thing that morning with prayer and study and about 12 hours later it was over. The room was dark now, I was contemplating all that we had discussed, when my husband came to the doorway and didn't come any further. The devil in him raged and told me all the things that had just occurred. I looked around me to see if there was any hint that would tell my husband such things. Nothing... just our ordinary living room. My husband, after the rant was over turned and went into the kitchen. I followed to ask him, how did he know. When I asked it, he said he had not yet got to the living room, had no idea what I was saying, and proceeded to make himself a sandwich.

I have since that time been studying scriptures to learn what I was told by Him, and to find the scriptures He used to explain things to me. It has been over thirty years and I am still unraveling the picture. Revelation is alive and real. It is unfolding now and the players in the vision are coming on earth's stage for us all to witness the last days. The thing about putting this all together is that while in God's Presence, the mind is wide open to see and understand a full range of things. When the vision is over, the linear view is back and I only see bits of it. But even those bits are vastly more than what a printed word can describe.

All I can suggest for all of you, is to get so serious with God that this world has nothing to misdirect your purpose in meeting with Him now. Learn the truth from Him. The "gems" of here and there from anyone inspired are little bits of light in the spiritual darkness that is descending upon us. Whatever you believe, lay it on the altar ready to give it all up, because if you do not, then when He comes the shock of who He really is will have you fleeing and praying for rocks to fall on you.

You will be overwhelmed by your unworthiness to be in His Presence. Even I who has been in His Presence for that moment of my life, know that when He comes, I too will be overwhelmed by my unworthiness to be in His Presence. The only thing I can cling to is "knowing" Him. I need to "know" Him more and more each day so that when He comes I will be like Him. It is worth every sacrifice of this earth to be in His Presence. The difference is night and day.

Thankyou for this.

So much in it is harmonious with all he has shown me..not because i know it ,but because the same spirit of the lord has always known it.

To just say "thank you for this seems a trivial reply on the surface. But be assured,it is anything but.

 

[popsthebuilder]

The Lord is my help in peril, my direction when lost, my strength when weak.

This is a copy/ paste from an explanation of sorts of the things that gave me faith. Indeed a testament of Christ working for the sake of man, namely, me.


From early childhood up until what happened I was an atheist or agnostic. I remember thinking at a young age that there couldn't be a God because pain and suffering seemed to be observable everywhere. At some point I did consider the Sun to be a higher power of sorts as no life that I knew of could live without it. I remember asking my father once if he thought there was a God. After careful consideration he replied that he did not know. I lived with my mom. We didn't go to church much; maybe a handful of times in early childhood. She wasn't really spiritual or religious that I could tell. I do recall my grandmother being a believer because at family gatherings she would insist that someone said grace or have thanks to God. Anyway, I went through life in relative solitude, always being somewhat odd or different I guess. At an early age I recognized pain as an electronic signal of sorts. In doing so I was able to train myself to endure quite a bit of it. I turned myself off emotionally somehow, letting little really affect me. I began to realize that anger and pain could be channeled and used as strength and motivation. Not being spiritual in any way, I guess I didn't realize the ramifications this could have later.

Fast forward to mid twenties. All lessons I learned the hard way, taking no advice from any, finding out for myself. Personal failure and disappointment on a constant level made me self loathing. Severe drug addiction made it worse. Though I had strength I couldn't stop by my own will seemingly. I hated pretty much everything, but most of all, myself. I awoke angry and fell asleep angry for years, even before serious drug addiction. I fought myself for a couple of years trying to change the direction I was witnessing myself going. I used to park at graveyards and contemplate death. I fervently wished I had the strength to kill myself, and hated myself that much more for being too cowardly to go through with it. Throughout my life, but mostly throughout my addiction, I had a lot of time to contemplate things, and view my own actions or the lack there of retrospectively. Somewhere in the midst of all this I recall sincerely swallowing my misplaced pride which was all but gone already, and asking for help. I pleaded to GOD, Christ, Jesus, whatever. I did this once. I realized that regardless of what I thought and how strong I thought I was, I couldn't seem to be able to make the change for better happen. Down, at my lowest point, I recall seeing what most likely would have been explained away by anyone(including myself) as a smudge on a window. There was light coming through. Regardless, the smudge had the vague form of an Angel. I don't know exactly why, but seeing that gave me an inkling of hope. I was still severely addicted though I had lost almost everything I had ever cared about. A woman I had a child with had taken me in at this point and the three of us were struggling pretty bad. She told me she was moving back home and said I could come. I did. I vaguely recall seeing something again when we moved. I don't even remember what it was, but I do remember that it reminded me of what I had seen on the window, and again that misplaced hope surfaced. Months went by. Her, my son, and myself moved in together in her home town. I had not used since we moved. I made a trip back home and used for one night. I returned and went back to not using. Throughout this time I still had all the same hate and anger that I had before. Though I was doing better as far as my drug addiction was concerned, she wasn't really trying to change. Our son was in the middle. This and other things brought great tention on our relationship. I went to jail for a somewhat unrelated reason. I got out about a month later I guess. When I returned home with her and my son I realized she had been doing some really messed up things while I was gone. I was so worried for the upbringing of my son that I justified killing her and going to prison, because I thought my son would be better off. I chased her for about a half an hour, methodically. She couldn't leave because I had her car keys. For those minutes I did intent to take her life with my hands. Thankfully, I eventually have her her keys and she left.

Okay, so that was a lot of back story. Sorry if it bored you. I've never went into that much detail about it but it seemed necessary to convey the state of mind I was in.

I'm not sure if it was the next day or a couple of days later.

I'm driving home from work on a usual road. Listening to the radio as I drive. The radio fades out to silence. This never happened before. I adjust the station and volume to no avail whatsoever...silence. Suddenly and inexplicably I feel this great weight, this huge burden lifted from me. My anger, pain, and hatred are removed all at once. I am overwhelmed with joy as tears flow freely from my eyes( something that previously just didn't really happen). I am utterly and wholly grateful and thank GOD. Many things begin to come into my mind. Things I never even fathomed. I am shown, in my mind, how GOD was with me through all things I had endured. I was shown how every step in my life had been for a reason and that GOD had been ever present through it all regardless of my obliviousness to it. I was shown how GOD was there before my conception and through my troubled birth. I was shown that I was here for a reason and that all I had been through was too, for a reason. Many understandings and revelations took place. Then things stopped coming into my mind. An utter peace never thought possible was with me. A joyous expectation of life filled me. The radio fades back in to the same station and volume it had been at. I felt the strong edge to write down what had taken place. When I got home, I found the nearest utensils at hand and began writing. I had intended to describe the happenings that had taken place. What I wrote is more of some sort of moral code. This all happened when I was thirty in 2011. I never really looked at those writings again for about four years. At which time I started reading the bible. For some reason I don't recall I found this invoice book that I had written in years before. When I read it it was as if it had been taken out of the bible or something because of the nature of the written material.

I had never read the bible or really even heard it prior to writing what I wrote.


In the past couple of years other things have happened and changes have taken place. But that is a different story I suppose. Regardless of what happens to me for whatever reasons, I will never forget the miraculous event that took place in my life by the grace and mercy of GOD.
All praise and thanks is to GOD.


I hope none are offended by my testimony, and that it is could to be pertinent to the topic at hand.

Peace

Faith in selfless Unity for Good.