USA JOSIAH for PRESIDENT 2020

[Andrew]

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[Josiah]

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The campaign has nearly one million of those signs...

 

[Josiah]

Personally, I have to offer:

1. I'm younger and better looking than anyone else running.
2. I'd be only the third president in US history to have a doctorate.
3. My wife is even better looking than Trump's and unlike him, I can tie a necktie.
4. I'm poorer than anyone else who will run for the Dem nomination. By a LOT.
5. I've never held a political office.
6. I know the lyrics to the songs of almost every musical ever done and to a lot of those 60's rock and folk songs.



My TEN POINT PLAN (making me more of a Democrat than any others who will run)....


1. To stem poverty, EVERYONE 18 and over who resides in the USA at least 16 weeks a year (obviously including those here illegally) will automatically get $1,000.00 per month (African Americans will get double to make up for they once being slaves). None to those under 18 (I want to discourage children and the global warming population causes). Those rendered umemployed by my policies will get $8,000.00 per month (unto the third generation).


2. A Constitutional Amendment that works to get more women in congress (I won't apply this to the presidency for obvious reasons). Elections will be controlled by odd/even congressional numbers to start (half must be filled by a woman, the others MAY be), but there will be no term limits just when there is an open seat, it MUST flip to a women if the current holder is a male. Another amendment to drop the requirement that the president, senators and representives must be American citizens or residents. Another than AFTER my two terms, candidates for any federal office who identify themselves as "non-male" or "people of color" only need 40% of the vote to win. (Note: None of these Constitutional Amendments may actually materialize but no Democrat voting in the primaries will realize that).


3. To reduce the horrible population of the USA (which is destroying the planet), I'd give all abortion clinics a big stack of $5,000 VISA gift cards so they can hand them out to anyone who gets an abortion (which will be free in my administration). All full time elementary school, middle school, high school and college students will get two gift cards if they get an abortion.


4. Eliminate the military. It's mean.


5. Eliminate the borders. They're mean.


6. Replace the National Anthem with "Won't You Be My Neighbor"


7. All law enforcement will be forbidden to have guns or other unkind things. It will be illegal for them to say or do anything unkind. They will be required to dress like Mr. Rodgers. Require that all cop cars be Toyota Prius' with a happy face painted on each side.


8. The poor can exempt themselves from all federal taxes; each will determine if they are poor by whether they feel poor or not. The rich will have their taxes doubled but only if they are registered Republicans.


9. Eliminate all private schools and make homeschooling illegal. These are mind control institutions of conservative idiots. LIBS must control the minds of children so we need all in public school The Federal government will control what is taught in all schools in our country. Tuition and fees at all schools, colleges and universities will be illegal, but to dissuade professional students, this will end once a college student has completed 14 years or 500 college units (unless they have yet to earn a degree or feel unfinished).


10. So as to improve the environment, require all cars and trucks be painted green.




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In order to secure the nomination, I have added the following to my platform (to out do "The Green New Deal" of all my opponents)


1. Outlaw all cars (even those painted green) by 2035 *1*

2. Outlaw beef, milk and cheese effective as soon as I take office (cows are a major cause of global warming).

3. Place a 100% tax on all plane travel unless the plane doesn't use any fossil fuel *2

ADDITIONALLY, I will promise that in my presidency, the White House will use no electricity or gas . *3 AND I will retire the entire fleet of presidential limos. #4



I will surely win the nomination of the Democratic Party!!!!

Win with Josiah!!!



"Make America NICE Again"
"Everybody's Special"
"They Print Money, Don't They?"
"This Sure Beats Working for a Living!


Surely, I will win the nomination of the Democrat Party!!!


Will you join in our crusade?


Josiah in 2020!



*1 Because millions will be unemployed by this move, note the first point in my platform.
*2 Those declaring they are liberals will be exempt.
*3 I'll simply move into another home where I'll use all the utilties I want
*4 I'll use the presidental helicopters




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[Josiah]

All 21 of my opponents for the Democrat Party Nomination neglect to say how they will pay for ANYTHING....

Elizabeth Warren, hoping to get the Indian vote, has promised $700 Billion for day care, $1.25 Trillion for college tuition, $500 billion for housing, just to name a few! Now, a trillion here and a trillion there and eventually you're talking about a lot of money. And she won't say where ANY of this is going to come from.

I - on the other hand - disclose where ALL the funding is coming from (and it ain' taxes!). I'm going to put a printing press in the basement of the White House and personally print One Billion Dollar Bills (with my picture on it; full color!). I'll use those to pay for all the things I promise. THERE. I'm the ONLY one of the 22 Democrats running who has disclosed where the trillions they promise to spend will come from.


Win with Josiah!!!



"Make America NICE Again"
"Everybody's Special"
"They Print Money, Don't They?"
"This Sure Beats Working for a Living!
Bumper stickers for each of the above available for a $100 dollar donation.



Will you join in our crusade?


Josiah in 2020!

 

[Andrew]

All 21 of my opponents for the Democrat Party Nomination neglect to say how they will pay for ANYTHING....

Elizabeth Warren, hoping to get the Indian vote, has promised $700 Billion for day care, $1.25 Trillion for college tuition, $500 billion for housing, just to name a few! Now, a trillion here and a trillion there and eventually you're talking about a lot of money. And she won't say where ANY of this is going to come from.

I - on the other hand - disclose where ALL the funding is coming from (and it ain' taxes!). I'm going to put a printing press in the basement of the White House and personally print One Billion Dollar Bills (with my picture on it; full color!). I'll use those to pay for all the things I promise. THERE. I'm the ONLY one of the 22 Democrats running who has disclosed where the trillions they promise to spend will come from.


Win with Josiah!!!



"Make America NICE Again"
"Everybody's Special"
"They Print Money, Don't They?"
"This Sure Beats Working for a Living!
Bumper stickers for each of the above available for a $100 dollar donation.



Will you join in our crusade?


Josiah in 2020!

I'll take 200 of each bumper sticker, just put it on my white privilege tab

 

[Andrew]

[MENTION=13]Josiah[/MENTION]
We are winning and we will win!

 

[Andrew]

New slogan "Make America our safe space"

 

[Andrew]

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[tango]

Impeach Josiah!

 

[Josiah]

Impeach Josiah!

Only Australians can do that.

 

[tango]

Only Australians can do that.

It helps if they post about it endlessly. Apparently.

 

[Andrew]

It helps if they post about it endlessly. Apparently.

yup it really makes a difference

 

[Josiah]

Joe Biden announced that if he is elected, he will cure cancer. Well, I pledge that if I am elected, I will not only cure cancer but end all heart attacks and strokes.

I will surely win the nomination of the Democratic Party!!!! The Democrats and their "puppy dog" press assistants will love me!



Win with Josiah!!!



"Make America NICE Again"
"Everybody's Special"
"This Sure Beats Working for a Living!


Will you join in our crusade?


Josiah in 2020!




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[tango]

I wonder why Joe Biden can't just go ahead and cure cancer anyway? Wouldn't being elected President distract him from such an important task?

 

[Lamb]

Josiah's pulling out the Big Guns now!

'Merica!

 

[tango]

Meh. Josiah is a useless candidate. He didn't offer anything to do with Alzheimers. The least he could do is promise a cure for that.

Frankly whoever promises that the dead will come back to life will get my vote. If you're going to make promises, go big or go home, right?

 

[Andrew]

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[Andrew]

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[Andrew]

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[Lamb]

Meh. Josiah is a useless candidate. He didn't offer anything to do with Alzheimers. The least he could do is promise a cure for that.

Frankly whoever promises that the dead will come back to life will get my vote. If you're going to make promises, go big or go home, right?

CNN shows that he's losing in the polls...that means Josiah will win!