Self-Control: What is it, and how do you get it?

Ackbach

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 2, 2016
Messages
158
Location
Rochester, MN
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Calvinist
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Paul seems rarely to leave out this Fruit of the Spirit in any of his lists. What is it? Can we come up with a nice genus-and-difference definition? And I ask, how do we get it? I could see this virtue, possibly, as an entryway into the other virtues. What is the relationship between self-control and ethical courage?

Thanks for your thoughts!
 

psalms 91

Well-known member
Moderator
Valued Contributor
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 22, 2015
Messages
15,282
Age
75
Location
Pa
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Charismatic
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
If you are fiollowing the spirit and have the fruit then I think this would just follow naturally
 

Lamb

God's Lil Lamb
Community Team
Administrator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 10, 2015
Messages
32,649
Age
57
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
Psalms 91 is correct that we can get self-control from the Holy Spirit. We can pray for more when it is needed yet sometimes our sinful selves take over anyway ;)

I remember reading once where Luther spoke of our personalities and characteristics still being there even in our new creation by the Spirit so it's possible self-control can also stem from the type of person who isn't as impulsive as others.

Ethical courage? Do you mean taking a proper stand against things that are unethical?

So do those who stand outside abortion clinics with signs who are demonstrating their stand against abortion as being unethical...are they showing self control in a high emotion situation? I'm not sure.
 

Josiah

simul justus et peccator
Valued Contributor
Joined
Jun 12, 2015
Messages
13,927
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
Luther supposedly said, "You can't keep a bird from flying over your head but you can keep it from nesting in your hair." MY understanding of the context of that is that we cannot eliminate our sinful nature, our "orientation" if you will. BUT, we do have at least some control (and certainly we have empowering for such) in terms of our ACTIONS. Indeed, theology speaks of "civil righteousness" in which OUTWARD OBSERVABLE "sins" may be entirely absent - yet such remains a sinner.

I think of it this way: Let's say I have a cold (I don't..... I VERY rarely do.... but go with me here). Now, let's say I take a handful of pills and as a result, I have no symptoms: no coughing, no sneezing, no runny nose, no symptoms, nothing you could observe that would reveal my cold. Now, do I still have a cold? Yup. I just don't have any symptoms AT THIS MOMENT (for whatever reason). We are by nature sinful and unclean... sin being a spiritual/moral disease. But via "self control" and via the "power of the Holy Spirit" I CAN largely control the symptoms....... at least the outward, observable indications of such. But this is no reason to boast, no reason for think such needs no (or less) mercy.... it just means I have few symptoms just now (ask my wife.... she'll tell you there are more symptoms that most think, lol).



My half cent.


Pax Christi



- Josiah
 

Ackbach

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 2, 2016
Messages
158
Location
Rochester, MN
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Calvinist
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
If you are fiollowing the spirit and have the fruit then I think this would just follow naturally

Well, yes and no. By definition, since self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, if you have the fruit of the Spirit, you have self-control. However, because I am a Calvinist and not a hyper-Calvinist, I believe that, since we are saved by grace through faith from sin and dead works to faith and good works, and that we must strive with our entire being after holiness (in other words, while justification is 100% God, sanctification is 100% God and 100% man), we must, entirely in the strength of the Holy Spirit, strive to produce the fruit of the Spirit in us. We must pursue the fruit of the Spirit, not to earn merit with God, which is impossible, but to express our thanks to Him for the salvation He has already provided, as well as to give greater glory to God.

So, the question is still here: how, in the Spirit, do we obtain this particular fruit of the Spirit?

Psalms 91 is correct that we can get self-control from the Holy Spirit. We can pray for more when it is needed yet sometimes our sinful selves take over anyway ;)

I remember reading once where Luther spoke of our personalities and characteristics still being there even in our new creation by the Spirit so it's possible self-control can also stem from the type of person who isn't as impulsive as others.

Right. Surely certain persons have an easier time developing certain fruits, while other people have an easier time with other fruits.

Ethical courage? Do you mean taking a proper stand against things that are unethical?

By "ethical courage" I mean the courage to do the ethical (right) thing. It's not enough to know what is the right thing to do. The demons know that! You must actually do the right thing for the right reasons, and you must appear to be doing the right thing. As one of my supervisors put it, there are three things: intention, execution, and perception. Manage all three.

So do those who stand outside abortion clinics with signs who are demonstrating their stand against abortion as being unethical...are they showing self control in a high emotion situation? I'm not sure.

I think it depends. Some are, some maybe not. I personally think that crisis pregnancy centers do more good to combat the unspeakable evil of abortion than almost anything else.

Luther supposedly said, "You can't keep a bird from flying over your head but you can keep it from nesting in your hair." MY understanding of the context of that is that we cannot eliminate our sinful nature, our "orientation" if you will. BUT, we do have at least some control (and certainly we have empowering for such) in terms of our ACTIONS. Indeed, theology speaks of "civil righteousness" in which OUTWARD OBSERVABLE "sins" may be entirely absent - yet such remains a sinner.

Right, because most sins are internal. As a man thinks, so he is.

I think of it this way: Let's say I have a cold (I don't..... I VERY rarely do.... but go with me here). Now, let's say I take a handful of pills and as a result, I have no symptoms: no coughing, no sneezing, no runny nose, no symptoms, nothing you could observe that would reveal my cold. Now, do I still have a cold? Yup. I just don't have any symptoms AT THIS MOMENT (for whatever reason). We are by nature sinful and unclean... sin being a spiritual/moral disease. But via "self control" and via the "power of the Holy Spirit" I CAN largely control the symptoms....... at least the outward, observable indications of such. But this is no reason to boast, no reason for think such needs no (or less) mercy.... it just means I have few symptoms just now (ask my wife.... she'll tell you there are more symptoms that most think, lol).

My half cent.

Pax Christi

- Josiah

No argument here. I asked one person, who had an interesting take on this whole question. Because a man is as he thinks, and because the imagination drives so much of a man's thinking, he said that controlling your imagination is a great way to work on self-control. When you find yourself imagining wrong things, you wrench yourself out of it. You also pay attention to your patterns and habits, so that if certain circumstances tend to induce wrong imaginations, then you avoid those circumstances.

I wonder if the Puritans have something to say on the matter. Maybe Richard Baxter's Directory?
 

visionary

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 15, 2015
Messages
2,824
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Messianic
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
"Let Go and Let God" has been the biggest help in self control within my own life. When tension builds and stress makes its demands where I feel at the end of my rope. I tell myself "let go and let God" and immediately the burden is taken off my shoulders, the shoulders come down and the tension eases, as I relax and praise Him for taking this from me. To the world it may look like lots of self control, but it isn't. It is knowing He is in control and letting him handle the situation in His good time. When you do that enough times, it gets easier to trust Him. It gets easier to have more self control. And it is one more reason to pray without ceasing.
 
Last edited:

Cassia

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
1,735
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Marital Status
Widow/Widower
Well, yes and no. By definition, since self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, if you have the fruit of the Spirit, you have self-control. However, because I am a Calvinist and not a hyper-Calvinist, I believe that, since we are saved by grace through faith from sin and dead works to faith and good works, and that we must strive with our entire being after holiness (in other words, while justification is 100% God, sanctification is 100% God and 100% man), we must, entirely in the strength of the Holy Spirit, strive to produce the fruit of the Spirit in us. We must pursue the fruit of the Spirit, not to earn merit with God, which is impossible, but to express our thanks to Him for the salvation He has already provided, as well as to give greater glory to God.

So, the question is still here: how, in the Spirit, do we obtain this particular fruit of the Spirit?

Directory?
By surrendering yet not quiting. Obtaining any fruit of the spirit is from a yielding to the Spirit and in not yielding that which dissolves rewards.
 
Last edited:

Alithis

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
2,680
Location
New Zealand
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Pentecostal
Marital Status
Married
These excerpts from some posts above ...
..are just disturbingly bad statements ..

"yet sometimes our sinful selves take over anyway "...
?? What As if it is a being of uncontrollable nature that has all power and dominion over even the holy spirit? Nope ..that is utterly non scriptural.

&
" MY understanding of the context of that is that we cannot eliminate our sinful nature.."....?!
Say what ? Is it not christ who now lives in us and has he not overcome..and does he not tell us also to overcome?and is it not written that the old man dies in christ in baptism and we are made a new creation -and does it not state we are to reckon ourselves as dead to sin (old nature)but alive unto christ (new nature)?
And does it not state if we walk in the spirit (the new nature of christ within the born again) that we will not fulfull the evil desires of theflesh (the old nature)

If we say or even insinuate that the old nature cannot be overcome.we speak against everything christ has accomplished and declare he failed.

There is no hope in a message that says there is no hope. the lord Jesus I know makes us overcomers ,he makes us victorious .

I tire of people blaming thier sin on thier old nature ..,as if it appears from the deep and drags them off and forces them to do wrongful things against thier will..(as if it isnot them choosing to do it)

They lie to God and themselves.

David said " I confessed MY sin unto the lord and MY iniquity have i not hidden .he lays its blame fully on himself and makes no lame excuse for it.

If your going back and doing the same sin over and over ..it is because thats what you love doing.... You love doing it more then you love god -end of story.

Self control is all about love .
 

Lamb

God's Lil Lamb
Community Team
Administrator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 10, 2015
Messages
32,649
Age
57
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
Here you go, Alithis. The scripture you don't like to see:

“If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him [God] a liar, and His word is not in us” (1 John 1:10)


These excerpts from some posts above ...
..are just disturbingly bad statements ..

"yet sometimes our sinful selves take over anyway "...
?? What As if it is a being of uncontrollable nature that has all power and dominion over even the holy spirit? Nope ..that is utterly non scriptural.

&
" MY understanding of the context of that is that we cannot eliminate our sinful nature.."....?!
Say what ? Is it not christ who now lives in us and has he not overcome..and does he not tell us also to overcome?and is it not written that the old man dies in christ in baptism and we are made a new creation -and does it not state we are to reckon ourselves as dead to sin (old nature)but alive unto christ (new nature)?
And does it not state if we walk in the spirit (the new nature of christ within the born again) that we will not fulfull the evil desires of theflesh (the old nature)

If we say or even insinuate that the old nature cannot be overcome.we speak against everything christ has accomplished and declare he failed.

There is no hope in a message that says there is no hope. the lord Jesus I know makes us overcomers ,he makes us victorious .

I tire of people blaming thier sin on thier old nature ..,as if it appears from the deep and drags them off and forces them to do wrongful things against thier will..(as if it isnot them choosing to do it)

They lie to God and themselves.

David said " I confessed MY sin unto the lord and MY iniquity have i not hidden .he lays its blame fully on himself and makes no lame excuse for it.

If your going back and doing the same sin over and over ..it is because thats what you love doing.... You love doing it more then you love god -end of story.

Self control is all about love .
 

Alithis

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
2,680
Location
New Zealand
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Pentecostal
Marital Status
Married
Here you go, Alithis. The scripture you don't like to see:

“If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him [God] a liar, and His word is not in us” (1 John 1:10)

I love that letter from john..All of it.
Not an out of context verse.
Let me explain something ...
When the holy spirit speaks to me About an area of life that i was "ok with" and had no disturbed conscience ...i had a clear. conscience before God .conscious of no willful sin,reconciled to god and at peace withhim with No enmity.
And then the Holy Spirit speaks to me ..and reveals/convicts me of an area of my life that is not what i thought it was ..and he ,as he does,convicts of sin in that Area.. IF ,having had it now made known to me ,having being made conscious of it..
I say ... "It is not there i have not sinned" then i call God a liar..for it is he who just showed me that sin. But if I then agree with him ,turn from my own thinking on the matter and think his way ( called REPENTANCE) and admit (confess) my sin he has just convicted me of,then he does the very thing he intended to do,the very reason he revealed my sin to me.he forgives me and cleanses me of ALL UNRIGHTOUSNESS .
Since it says "if we say we have not sinned-past tense.-we lie .but if we confessed the sin we sinned..past tense.We are washed clean and cannot ever be accused of it again, Unless that is..we Do it again. but if we do it again after that whole process.. Then, as the rest of the same letter goes onto say, we show we are not of god. It says if we continue To practice sin ,and we know its sin because God told us it is and if we say we didnt do it we lie..and call him a liar.then we display by our refusal to stop doing it and by our continued practice of it after god has made the sinfulness of it known to us , That we do not know God.. And we certainly dont love him.we love the sin.

God reveals our sin. So that he mayforgive and cleans. And we can walk foward free of it eternally.he does not reveal it so we can return to doing it. Sin is the very thing he came to free us from.it results in death .

The verse is not a standalone statement..it is a part of a whole letter he wrote.
 
Last edited:

Alithis

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
2,680
Location
New Zealand
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Pentecostal
Marital Status
Married
So it remains. Self control is all about love.
Its not outer control
Its not remote control.
Its self control .
You choose to not do an unrightous act.because you first love God and next ,others as yourself.
You walk in the law of Love .
 

popsthebuilder

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 17, 2015
Messages
1,850
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Marital Status
Single
So it remains. Self control is all about love.
Its not outer control
Its not remote control.
Its self control .
You choose to not do an unrightous act.because you first love God and next ,others as yourself.
You walk in the law of Love .
What if someone doesn't love themself?

This is an honest question, and not a stab at anyone's beliefs.

Sincerely

Jerry

Faith in selfless Unity for Good.
 

Alithis

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
2,680
Location
New Zealand
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Pentecostal
Marital Status
Married
What if someone doesn't love themself?

This is an honest question, and not a stab at anyone's beliefs.

Sincerely

Jerry

Faith in selfless Unity for Good.

Never met such a person .
I bet the worst of them put food in thier own mouth and water when thirsty... Loving self doesnt have to mean having a great self esteem etc .but its a whole other topic.love not expressed ,does not exist.for it is the very nature of love to reach outwardly and be expressed.
 

popsthebuilder

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 17, 2015
Messages
1,850
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Never met such a person .
I bet the worst of them put food in thier own mouth and water when thirsty... Loving self doesnt have to mean having a great self esteem etc .but its a whole other topic.love not expressed ,does not exist.for it is the very nature of love to reach outwardly and be expressed.
And here again you speak of an outward love that is loving kindness. This I understand, and strive to do.

You speak of sustenance as a testament to love, and though I do not love myself, I do eat and drink, and sustain myself with the Word of GOD, and faith in Him, yet still have trouble relating those things to love in the form of unconditional love...well really they are sort of unconditional though as if I am exceedingly hungry I do look to eat, likewise if I haven't read much of the Word of GOD or involved myself with the study of It in some form, or adherence to It, my compulsion to do so increases.

Still though; is the love spoken of in scripture in reference to self, that of am unconditional sort regardless of one's own merit? Or must one even need to love themself in order to have a love for other life?

It states clearly to love your brother as you love yourself. But it also says that a love for GOD is to follow the commands of GOD. So where does it say to what level we must love ourselves? Or is it understood that we are to love ourselves too unconditionally?

Sincerely, peace

Faith in selfless Unity for Good.
 

Cassia

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
1,735
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Marital Status
Widow/Widower
self control is the last fruit of the Spirit listed so w/o the HS working within there is no self-control. 2 Peter 1:6 says that it leads to perseverance. The thing is that we can not do it on our own strength and that's what I see being promoted here with the accompanying pride.

ETA
Anything that belongs to self-righteousness is as filthy rags, belonging to that which is from the fruit of the tree of good and evil. Our best never will be good enough. Our best can cast out demons in Jesus' name but unless it's God's work going forward He will claim not to know it because He wasn't a part of it. All must be done in the power of the fruit of the tree of life or it doesn't count.
 
Last edited:

Ackbach

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 2, 2016
Messages
158
Location
Rochester, MN
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Calvinist
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
self control is the last fruit of the Spirit listed so w/o the HS working within there is no self-control. 2 Peter 1:6 says that it leads to perseverance. The thing is that we can not do it on our own strength and that's what I see being promoted here with the accompanying pride.

ETA
Anything that belongs to self-righteousness is as filthy rags, belonging to that which is from the fruit of the tree of good and evil. Our best never will be good enough. Our best can cast out demons in Jesus' name but unless it's God's work going forward He will claim not to know it because He wasn't a part of it. All must be done in the power of the fruit of the tree of life or it doesn't count.

Right, I believe sanctification is 100% God, 100% man, unlike justification which is 100% God. God works in us both to will and to do, AND we must do it with all our might. Without God's strength, I completely agree with you, we can do nothing. But we are also not to sit back and do nothing. If I belong to Jesus, and He to me, then I must work, I must strive, I must become more like Jesus Christ. There's no room for boasting in this scenario: God is the supreme enabler here. Without Him we can do nothing. Moreover, if we are doing these good works correctly, with the right internal attitude, then they are intended for God's glory alone (soli Deo gloria), and not at all to ours. So boasting is excluded.

That said, I'm asking about the part that we do. How do we do it? Pray, yes. Read the Bible, yes. Go hear good, biblical preaching, yes. We attend to the ordinary means of grace, absolutely. But I'm still asking for more specifics here. What do we do?
 
Last edited:

Cassia

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
1,735
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Marital Status
Widow/Widower
Right, I believe sanctification is 100% God, 100% man, unlike justification which is 100% God. God works in us both to will and to do, AND we must do it with all our might. Without God' strength, I completely agree with you, we can do nothing. But we are also not to sit back and do nothing. If I belong to Jesus, and He to me, then I must work, I must strive, I must become more like Jesus Christ. There's no room for boasting in this scenario: God is the supreme enabler here. Without Him we can do nothing. Moreover, if we are doing these good works correctly, with the right internal attitude, then they are intended for God's glory alone (soli Deo gloria), and not at all to ours. So boasting is excluded.

That said, I'm asking about the part that we do. How do we do it? Pray, yes. Read the Bible, yes. Go hear good, biblical preaching, yes. We attend to the ordinary means of grace, absolutely. But I'm still asking for more specifics here. What do we do?
I always fall back on that saying "I didn't quit I surrendered. This is so important! It's not at all about what we do ... it's about what we restrain from doing~ giving no leeway for the flesh to act. Bringing thoughts captive to Christ ~ becoming willing to do that which is contrary to the natural so that God is able to work thru ~ the ability lies there imo
 

Lamb

God's Lil Lamb
Community Team
Administrator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 10, 2015
Messages
32,649
Age
57
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
I don't see it as we surrender but that God breaks us down and guides us. We are changed into the New Adam who does those works provided. We do the works but as for us striving again, that makes us in control instead of God.
 

Cassia

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
1,735
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Marital Status
Widow/Widower
I don't see it as we surrender but that God breaks us down and guides us. We are changed into the New Adam who does those works provided. We do the works but as for us striving again, that makes us in control instead of God.
I've seen too many people shaking their fists at God being unwilling to change to consider that a true statement.

That's a very militant worldly outlook on the character of God ... do you have scripture to back that up?

An interesting artical on self-control

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-fierce-fruit-of-self-control
 
Last edited:

Lamb

God's Lil Lamb
Community Team
Administrator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 10, 2015
Messages
32,649
Age
57
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
I've seen too many people shaking their fists at God being unwilling to change to consider that a true statement.

That's a very militant worldly outlook on the character of God ... do you have scripture to back that up?

An interesting artical on self-control

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-fierce-fruit-of-self-control

Who's will are you doing as God makes you holy? Yours or God's?

Who do we have in us? “ I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me” (Galatians 2:20)
 
Top Bottom