When you're a guest at an unbeliever's house

[Lamb]

Let's say you're going to visit an old friend for a week and you'll be staying at their home. The friend is an unbeliever who is very vocal about their non-beliefs (is that how to phrase it?), which leads to condescension of your beliefs.

How do you word it so that those comments from the friend don't even come up in the first place?

If they do come up, what would you say to put an end to it, but realize you're still a guest in their home?

 

[tango]

Let's say you're going to visit an old friend for a week and you'll be staying at their home. The friend is an unbeliever who is very vocal about their non-beliefs (is that how to phrase it?), which leads to condescension of your beliefs.

How do you word it so that those comments from the friend don't even come up in the first place?

If they do come up, what would you say to put an end to it, but realize you're still a guest in their home?

Do you need to put an end to it? You can't meet people where they are if you won't listen to where they are.

 

[Lamb]

Do you need to put an end to it? You can't meet people where they are if you won't listen to where they are.

It's a long time friend...I already know where she is and her views. What I'm asking is how to get her to stop insulting me when I'm with her in person and visiting her at her home?

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

Why do you want to be friends with someone who insults you and doesn't respect your beliefs? The least they could do is agree to disagree and avoid the topic of religion altogether.

 

[Lamb]

Why do you want to be friends with someone who insults you and doesn't respect your beliefs? The least they could do is agree to disagree and avoid the topic of religion altogether.

It's a friend I've known since we were 15. How do you let go of someone you have loved as a friend for so long? I'm asking how to approach her to get her to stop, especially since she wants me to come visit her. How do I communicate?

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

"I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I really have to tell you that my Christian beliefs are a fundamental part of my identity; they constitute my reality, so I hope you understand that by being condescending of my beliefs, you are insulting my worldview and, consequently, my character, which is founded on them. Friends shouldn't do that to each other. If you value our friendship as much as I value it, I hope we can agree to disagree on the topic of religion and find common ground regarding all the life issues that are intertwined with this topic. Thank you so much for understanding."

 

[Lamb]

"I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I really have to tell you that my Christian beliefs are a fundamental part of my identity; they constitute my reality, so I hope you understand that by being condescending of my beliefs, you are insulting my worldview and, consequently, my character, which is founded on them. Friends shouldn't do that to each other. If you value our friendship as much as I value it, I hope we can agree to disagree on the topic of religion and find common ground regarding all the life issues that are intertwined with this topic. Thank you so much for understanding."

That's very nice! I would have to remove the agree to disagree part because I don't use that phrasing, but the rest is really very good! Thanks!

 

[tango]

It's a long time friend...I already know where she is and her views. What I'm asking is how to get her to stop insulting me when I'm with her in person and visiting her at her home?

I think you've answered your own question there? Do you need a specific form of words to ask someone to stop insulting you based on what you believe? If she constantly insults you I'd have to ask how good a friend she actually is.

If she thinks what she's doing is friendly teasing but you find it insulting maybe just say as much. If she constantly insults you in an offensive manner (i.e. not friendly teasing) maybe the answer is to hang out with her less.

 

[NewCreation435]

It's a friend I've known since we were 15. How do you let go of someone you have loved as a friend for so long? I'm asking how to approach her to get her to stop, especially since she wants me to come visit her. How do I communicate?

You tell her that in the past some of her comments have been hurtful and if she says those things while you are there then you will have to leave. You have to set strong boundaries with people like that and let them know what you will put up with and what you won't

 

[Lamb]

You tell her that in the past some of her comments have been hurtful and if she says those things while you are there then you will have to leave. You have to set strong boundaries with people like that and let them know what you will put up with and what you won't

I like that approach too. I'm such a wimp around her though, because she's the outspoken one, so it's so hard to set healthy boundaries and stick to them.

 

[Lamb]

I think you've answered your own question there? Do you need a specific form of words to ask someone to stop insulting you based on what you believe? If she constantly insults you I'd have to ask how good a friend she actually is.

If she thinks what she's doing is friendly teasing but you find it insulting maybe just say as much. If she constantly insults you in an offensive manner (i.e. not friendly teasing) maybe the answer is to hang out with her less.

We have been friends since high school, and haven't seen one another in 10 years. She posts on Facebook and they aren't directed at me, but at Christians in general. It's still insulting.

 

[tango]

I guess the decision is whether you want to continue the friendship. Personally I don't know how much time I'd make for someone who called themself my friend but spent a lot of time insulting people like me on social media.

I have more or less distanced myself from a couple I used to consider somewhat close because both of them are prone to post vitriolic political insults. I have no problem if they don't share my political beliefs - some of my closest friends are about as far removed from me politically as it's possible to be - but endlessly saying that people like me are idiots or worse isn't a good way to strengthen a friendship.

 

[Planet1246]

Why do you want to be friends with someone who insults you and doesn't respect your beliefs? The least they could do is agree to disagree and avoid the topic of religion altogether.

I agree, I knew someone like that. Every little thing you said, every little nuance, got cut down. It was absolutely sickening, If my opinions didn't align with theirs's, I was insulted. In the beginning the individual came on like a truly nice person, only to see the friendship disintegrate over time. Classic "Satan" infiltration tactic. I knew this once I seen the onset. Instead of running like a coward, like a man I took the opportunity to study this warped and twisted individual so that I can detect this type of individual and run like a man at the first sign of a sick individual next time around.