Random nonsense

[Confessional Lutheran]

:scared:

They look rather good, to be honest. How is the taste? I understand that sesame seeds can give false positives on drug tests.

 

[MoreCoffee]

They look rather good, to be honest. How is the taste? I understand that sesame seeds can give false positives on drug tests.

They taste good.

 

[ImaginaryDay2]

[MENTION=378]Imalive[/MENTION] - Saw this in my travels yesterday. If you ever come to the Fraser Valley, we've got you covered!

 

[MoreCoffee]

@<u><a href="http://www.christianityhaven.com/member.php?u=378" target="_blank">Imalive</a></u> - Saw this in my travels yesterday. If you ever come to the Fraser Valley, we've got you covered!

View attachment 968

Run away!!!

 

[ImaginaryDay2]

 

[MoreCoffee]

Young imaginary, can you help Confessional Lutheran? His posts are being held for moderator approval and I am sure that's a mistake ... he such a nice chap

 

[Imalive]

nm

 

[Andrew]

Teehee!

Sent from my LGLS755 using Tapatalk

 

[Imalive]

https://www.boredpanda.com/stray-cat-opossum-tricks-grandma-eric-hertlein/

 

[user1234]

https://www.boredpanda.com/stray-cat-opossum-tricks-grandma-eric-hertlein/

Aardvark

 

[Imalive]

This guy gets a parrot but it's got a bad attitude and foul vocabulary. He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its talk but nothing works. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet. He opens the freezer door. The parrot steps out and says, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness." The guy's astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "By the way, may I ask - what did the chicken do?"

 

[Imalive]

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote the first son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Marvin," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Melvin," she wrote to her third son, "You were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious."

 

[Imalive]

A little girl and her mother are at chuch when the little girl starts to feel sick. Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.

When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.

"Yes," the girl says. "But I didn't have to go all the way around the back. There was a box near the front door that said 'For the Sick.'"

 

[Imalive]

A little boy was kneeling beside his bed with his mother and grandmother and softly saying his prayers, "Dear God, please bless Mummy and Daddy and all the family and please give me a good night's sleep."

Suddenly he looked up and shouted, "And don't forget to give me a bicycle for my birthday!!"

"There is no need to shout like that," said his mother. "God isn't deaf."

"No," said the little boy, "but Grandma is."

 

[Imalive]

God will provide!

A young woman brings home her fiancee to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.

"I am a Torah scholar," he replies.

"A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancee.

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?"

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."

 

[Imalive]

When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.

Three days later, she became his stepmother.

 

[Imalive]

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."

 

[user1234]

 

[Imalive]

What do you call a bee that comes from America?
USB

 

[Imalive]

Reading on the Dutch reformed forum. Questions for reverends. Reverend gives an answer and other ppl can comment too.
Woman: My husband is so boring. Now I met this really great guy and he's all I ever wanted and so not like my boring husband.
Lol guy comments: Boring? Your husband is boring? Wait til you tell him what you're doing. He won't be boring anymore at all.
LOL fabulous response.