You are right. I have found, by experience, that most of the people who say they can't speak in tongues just do not believe they can speak in tongues or do not have the desire to do so, even though they have the Holy Spirit. Case in point, there is a young lady who I disciple.She say she didn't speak in tongues but she had the Holy Spirit. So I began to minister to her that she had the ability to speak because she had the Holy Spirit. She would call me every day about one problem or another. Though she had been born again for a couple of years she seemed to be unable to find her peace. So In September last year became very troubled. I told her she needed to start praying in the spirit (in tongues). She said she couldn't. I told her that she could, she just did not believe she could. I prayed with her and the tongues began to flow out of her. She has been doing it every day and now, she does not call me every day, she has peace and does not easily get agitated, and she is more confident to minister to others. People say they can't ,but the scripture says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
All things means ALL THINGS including speaking in tongues. But most Christians do not believe this .
Stuff and nonsense.
Since we are basing our 'proof' on anecdotal evidence, allow me to share mine:
I was a member of a gang, active in transporting drugs over state lines and arson. A former acquaintance from my pre-gang days introduced me to a Catholic Charismatic Fellowship that spoke in tongues and followed all of the rules of order layed out by Paul to the church in Corinth (something far too uncommon in what passes for 'speaking in tongues' in too many churches.) I was facing a few more years on the street before statistics caught up with me and I died in a deal gone bad or suicide by cop or disappeared into prison for life. I had decided, as a good atheist and nihilist, that I would choose the time and place and I would make a statement on my way out. So it was while preparing a suicide bomb to kill about 4000 - 5000 people that God made me an offer that I could not refuse. I have had an encounter with Christ that completely changed who I am.
Being surrounded by Charismatics, no person ever wanted to speak in tongues more than I did. I even heeded the foolish 'fake it til you make it' approach. I desperately wanted and needed external confirmation and assurance that I was still saved and forgiven. Salvation for me was literally a matter of life and death. It has never been something to be played with like some stupid 'look at me' church game. Like Paul and his thorn, God said NO.
There is a quote by Corrie Ten Boom (look her up if you don't know who she is, her story is worth reading) that goes "God does as he pleases, and He does it right well." What you have overlooked is that the GIFTS are gifts. Nobody is entitled to a gift, the giver (in this case the Holy Spirit) gives gifts to whom he pleases, when he pleases and he gives whichever gifts the GIVER chooses to give. The Holy Spirit gives gifts for the building up of THE BODY! Tongues are not given to puff YOU up, they are given to bless your neighbor, no more than your neighbor, they are given to bless your Brothers and Sisters in Christ. The CHURCH. The Body of Christ. That is what ALL of the Gifts of the Holy Spirit are given for, because that is the mission of the Holy Spirit. To draw the elect to Christ and to empower those whom God has called to walk in the works that the Father has prepared in advance for them to accomplish.
So the Holy Spirit decided, in the infinite wisdom of a perfect and holy God, that I was not needed to speak in tongues no matter how desperately I wanted it. God had another work in building up the body for me to do, and the work God has prepared in advance for THIS sinner saved by grace required the GIFT of understanding His Holy Word. I am most alive when I can reach into the life of another person and help them draw a truth out of the word of God. Once they draw that truth out for themselves, it is rooted firmly in their heart and no one can ever take that from them. So here is my gift to you:
Philippians 4:10-20 [NKJV]
But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at last your care for me has flourished again; though you surely did care, but you lacked opportunity. Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Nevertheless you have done well that you shared in my distress. Now you Philippians know also that in the beginning of the gospel, when I departed from Macedonia, no church shared with me concerning giving and receiving but you only. For even in Thessalonica you sent aid once and again for my necessities. Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your account. Indeed I have all and abound. I am full, having received from Epaphroditus the things sent from you, a sweet-smelling aroma, an acceptable sacrifice, well pleasing to God. And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Now to our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.
The first rule of understanding any sentence, is to read it in context. So what are the "all things" that Paul is talking about on the actual Letter to the Philippians? To be 'abased' and to 'abound'. In plain talk that means Paul knows how to be put down and honored, and in both cases, "to be content". "Full" or "hungry". Rich or poor. Under all these real, physical and emotional circumstances that might discourage or distract Paul from doing the work of God (you know, like using the Gift that the Holy Spirit decided to give to build up the Church - the people of Christ - one another) He and we "can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"! Then the rest goes on to talk more about money and stuff. About sharing in the work of God and our giving being credited to our account.
That people should take a scripture that is all about the assurance that we can do things for God to bless one another, and twist it into some bizarre claim that people have the authority to demand and order around the Holy Spirit, third person of the Triune Godhead, to do our bidding and give is the gift we choose, because we demand it, in order that we might shine ever more light on ourselves and proclaim just how much more spiritual we are than those who do not speak in tongues ... it breaks my heart.
If you want to pluck verses and throw them against the wall, here are a few:
Matthew 23:11 [NKJV] “But he who is greatest among you shall be your servant."
James 4:3 [NKJV] You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.
1 Corinthians 12:4-11 [NKJV]
There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works all in all. But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all: for to one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, to another the word of knowledge through the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healings by the same Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another discerning of spirits, to another different kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually as He wills.
Hebrews 2:4 [NKJV] God also bearing witness both with signs and wonders, with various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit, according to His own will?
[FYI: Just in case anyone might question whether I belong under 'Evangelical Only' ... I am a member of a Pentecostal Church.]