Punishment

[Lamb]

Most of us received punishment when we were children for things we did wrong. I know there are some non-punitive parents and this is not a thread to debate.

Here's my question:

As an adult do you sometimes feel the need to punish other adults for things they've done wrong? I don't mean spanking so don't go there! Revenge? A sharp talking to?

 

[psalms 91]

No God does a good enough job of that I think.

 

[kaynoel]

No, I don't at all feel that need. I have had many things said and done to me by other adults that are pretty rotten. I leave that stuff up to God what needs to be done with them.

 

[GuusVA]

Punishment is a big word, but I do talk to people if I see them doing things very wrong. But I will only do that to people I know well enough because I do not want to start arguments or frustrations between me and other people. Often people take it very well. but a few just don't like hearing that they aren't perfect. It really depends whay culture I'm talking to. If I'm talking to dutch people I'll just say it and if they are Flemish I try to be more careful..

 

[Lamb]

So Flemish are more sensitive?

 

[dogs4thewin]

No God does a good enough job of that I think.

All the time?

 

[psalms 91]

Pretty much yes

 

[dogs4thewin]

Pretty much yes

but we should let people just keep hurting us?

 

[psalms 91]

I have never had a situation where God didnt take care of it, sometimes it was years but as long as I stayed out of it andturned it over to Him it was dealt with in some manner

 

[MoreCoffee]

Most of us received punishment when we were children for things we did wrong. I know there are some non-punitive parents and this is not a thread to debate.

Here's my question:

As an adult do you sometimes feel the need to punish other adults for things they've done wrong? I don't mean spanking so don't go there! Revenge? A sharp talking to?

Careful advice about corrections in behaviour and attitude is sometimes needed. But I am not so sure that a sharp word will yield a good result. Remember the proverb?

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. (Proverbs 15:1 KJV)​

 

[Inkachu]

Most of us received punishment when we were children for things we did wrong. I know there are some non-punitive parents and this is not a thread to debate.

Here's my question:

As an adult do you sometimes feel the need to punish other adults for things they've done wrong? I don't mean spanking so don't go there! Revenge? A sharp talking to?

I don't consider a "talking to" to be punishment. We have the freedom, and sometimes the responsibility, to confront those we disagree with, or who have hurt us.

I don't generally feel a desire to "punish" other adults, though. I don't feel a desire to even punish my own child. Discipline, correct, teach, yes, but punish? Just inflict a world of pain on him cause he made me mad? No, not at all.

 

[Inkachu]

but we should let people just keep hurting us?

You can take steps to end the hurt without seeking vengeance.

 

[Lamb]

I don't consider a "talking to" to be punishment. We have the freedom, and sometimes the responsibility, to confront those we disagree with, or who have hurt us.

I don't generally feel a desire to "punish" other adults, though. I don't feel a desire to even punish my own child. Discipline, correct, teach, yes, but punish? Just inflict a world of pain on him cause he made me mad? No, not at all.

Yeah, I'm not one to really punish either. I believe more in consequences.

 

[psalms 91]

God is good with consequences as well. I just let Him handle it

 

[visionary]

It is like raising children. If you love them, you would rather punish them, than for they to suffer the consequences of their actions, or for the law to address their wrongs.

 

[Lamb]

Consequences though are the results of their actions so they learn to correct themselves for next time. Punishment just makes them run away from the punisher

 

[tango]

Most of us received punishment when we were children for things we did wrong. I know there are some non-punitive parents and this is not a thread to debate.

Here's my question:

As an adult do you sometimes feel the need to punish other adults for things they've done wrong? I don't mean spanking so don't go there! Revenge? A sharp talking to?

I don't know that I'd use the word "punish" but sometimes I've felt the need to force issues a little.

One friend in particular can be very difficult to get hold of - he seems to spend his life on faceache but is desperately bad at getting back to me with things like "are we actually meeting tomorrow or not?" when tomorrow was something we penciled onto the calendar a week or two previously but left it subject to confirmation. Usually what I do is just say that if I don't hear by lunchtime today I'll assume it's not happening and make other plans.

I don't like doing that to a friend but I just got tired of turning down other invites only to then realise that what I penciled in wasn't going ahead after all. A lot of the time now if I'm dealing with invitations the first firm invite that works for me goes onto the calendar, because I also got tired of telling someone "I can do any day next week" and them hearing "my calendar is wide open, take as long as you like to choose whatever day you like" and then getting upset when they didn't get back to me for four days and then found my calendar next week wasn't empty any more.

 

[tango]

I don't consider a "talking to" to be punishment. We have the freedom, and sometimes the responsibility, to confront those we disagree with, or who have hurt us.

I don't generally feel a desire to "punish" other adults, though. I don't feel a desire to even punish my own child. Discipline, correct, teach, yes, but punish? Just inflict a world of pain on him cause he made me mad? No, not at all.

Just out of interest, when did "punishment" equal "inflict a world of pain"?

Some time ago I punished a child for swinging his comforter near fragile ornaments - I'd told him several times not to swing it but he ignored me, so I took it away. He was 5, and as soon as I took it away and explained why I'd taken it away he burst into tears. I literally watched the clock and timed out 120 seconds, then gave it back to him and told him if he swung it again I'd take it away again but for twice as long. No pain, no fear of me as "the punisher" but he learned the lesson and didn't swing it again.

 

[soonerboomer001.]

Just out of interest, when did "punishment" equal "inflict a world of pain"?

Some time ago I punished a child for swinging his comforter near fragile ornaments - I'd told him several times not to swing it but he ignored me, so I took it away. He was 5, and as soon as I took it away and explained why I'd taken it away he burst into tears. I literally watched the clock and timed out 120 seconds, then gave it back to him and told him if he swung it again I'd take it away again but for twice as long. No pain, no fear of me as "the punisher" but he learned the lesson and didn't swing it again.

You are correct about punishment not being about pain. When raising my son I found early that spanking him only made him mad so I had to be creative with discipline and punishment. When he was 11 he just decided one day that he wasn't going to do his chores. After discussing the subject until I was blue in the face, I decided I was just gonna have to show him that I made the rules and it was his job to obey. I started taking things out of his room. First went the video game system, then the t.v., and so on and so on. When I was done all he had in his room was the mattress on the floor and a shirt and a pair of jeans in the closet. I had taken these things over the period of about ten days. He came to me wanting a pair of socks, I told him they were in the dresser that was in my room, if he wanted anything he would have to do his chores. The furniture in his room belonged to me and I would let him use it as long as he did his part in this household. It took a couple of more days, but he finally caved.
I told dad how spanking affected my son as he and his sister were going to stay a few weeks. Anyway I told dad and evidently he listened to me because my son had stepped out of line and smart mouthed mother, so dad took him outside and hosed him down. Anyway you can get the point across.

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