Why doesn't God allow me to find Him?

[Lucian Hodoboc]

I've been seeking Him for about a year or so after having lived in sin for many years. I know the parable of the unfair judge and the persistent widow, but things seem to be going worse in my life ever since I've started seeking Him (maybe it's a matter of coincidence, so I ask Him for forgiveness if my correlation between the events is misguided), and I feel like giving up on the whole "seek, ask, knock" thing, as I'm tired and it appears that He is taking His time answering my request to allow me to find Him the way I want Him to find Him. So, yeah, I don't really know what to do. I wish He would make things easier for me at least for a period of time, at least until my faith grows to the point that I don't apostize and end up in hell. I feel like in my heart I already have, as my feelings seem to be mistheistic. I thought I was signing up for an experience of living righteously and being persecuted for my faith, not for a life of physical sickness and spiritual and mental war.

 

[Doug]

I've been seeking Him for about a year or so after having lived in sin for many years. I know the parable of the unfair judge and the persistent widow, but things seem to be going worse in my life ever since I've started seeking Him (maybe it's a matter of coincidence, so I ask Him for forgiveness if my correlation between the events is misguided), and I feel like giving up on the whole "seek, ask, knock" thing, as I'm tired and it appears that He is taking His time answering my request to allow me to find Him the way I want Him to find Him. So, yeah, I don't really know what to do. I wish He would make things easier for me at least for a period of time, at least until my faith grows to the point that I don't apostize and end up in hell. I feel like in my heart I already have, as my feelings seem to be mistheistic. I thought I was signing up for an experience of living righteously and being persecuted for my faith, not for a life of physical sickness and spiritual and mental war.

If you believe the gospel you have forgiveness of sin and Christ's righteousness and eternal life. You can not lose salvation because it is Christ that has justified you.

This is the gospel by which we are saved.
1 Corinthians 15:1 Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand;

15:3 For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;

15:4 And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:
We are all sinners who can not save ourselves.
See Romans 3:23 Titus 3:5 Romans 5:6


Christ died for our sins; He was our substitute, He paid the full penalty and debt for our sin by his blood sacrifice.
See 2 Corinthians 5:21 Romans 3:24 Romans 3:25 Romans 3:26

He was buried.

He rose again for our justification ( to declare us righteous) and forgiveness of all our sin. He gives us His righteousness and eternal life.
See Romans 4:25 Ephesians 1:7 Romans 4:22 Romans 4:23 Romans 4:24 1 Corinthians 1:30

All we have to do is believe the gospel.
See Romans 4:5 1 Corinthians 1:21 Ephesians 1:13

Believing is being persuaded that something is true.
See Romans 4:21

The moment you believe you have eternal life.
Titus 1:1 Titus 1:2 Titus 3:7

Trust the gospel of your salvation. Believe in Jesus Christ to have provided payment for your sins and to give you eternal life. Place your faith in Jesus Christ, in his blood, his death and his resurrection.

 

[Bluezone777]

Nowhere in the Bible is it depicted that men seek after God. You aren't seeking him as you think you are. I wouldn't know what you are seeking after but it is not God as no man seeks after God. Adam and Eve sinned against God once and the first thing you sought to do was hide from God and stay hidden if they could help it. However as the story goes, God sought after them and found them in spite of their attempts to stay hidden from God. What makes you any different from them?

All of the stories always depict God going to Man and recruiting him for some sort of task not men going to God asking Him for something to do. The twelve apostles were asked by Jesus to follow him not them asking Jesus if they could follow Him.

God doesn't care one bit about your timetables and plans. He will do what he wants, when he wants and is not concerned or interested in what you think about how it should be done and when. For example, God chose David a young shepherd who couldn't lift a sword nor wear armor to succeed Saul as king and slay Goliath a mighty warrior who instilled fear into every man of Israel except for David who fearlessly faced him even though he was only a small unimposing boy so much so that Goliath was insulted by the very thought of having to face him in combat because he didn't even think he was even worthy of facing him in combat much less capable of beating him.

If Lucian was saved today, his testimony would be " I was saved by seeking after God and him saving me through Jesus' work on the cross" which translates to " grace plus works" which is the polar opposite of the message of the gospel. As long as he insists on adding his works to the Gospel, he will go on not believing in the gospel as only a man who doesn't believe in the gospel would insist on adding his works to it.

You shouldn't trust your heart as the Bible clearly states that the heart is deceitfully wicked and will lead you astray.

Living a life following after God means going wherever he takes you and trusting in him to see you through it not because you know how everything will work out but because you trust him to work all things for the good of those who truly love Him even if means having to go through difficult situations which can take on a variety of forms and even suffering quite a bit along the way.

 

[NewCreation435]

I've been seeking Him for about a year or so after having lived in sin for many years. I know the parable of the unfair judge and the persistent widow, but things seem to be going worse in my life ever since I've started seeking Him (maybe it's a matter of coincidence, so I ask Him for forgiveness if my correlation between the events is misguided), and I feel like giving up on the whole "seek, ask, knock" thing, as I'm tired and it appears that He is taking His time answering my request to allow me to find Him the way I want Him to find Him. So, yeah, I don't really know what to do. I wish He would make things easier for me at least for a period of time, at least until my faith grows to the point that I don't apostize and end up in hell. I feel like in my heart I already have, as my feelings seem to be mistheistic. I thought I was signing up for an experience of living righteously and being persecuted for my faith, not for a life of physical sickness and spiritual and mental war.

I've gone through times where it seemed God is very silent. I think it those times we have to trust that God is with us even when we don't see it. If you look at the example of Joseph in the Bible who was sold into slavery by his brothers and then thrown later into jail for something he didn't even do. It never says that God abandoned him. Actually, it says the opposite. It says that God was with him. But, that doesn't mean that everything went easy for him. Maybe the real question to ask God during this time is what is He trying to teach you?

 

[Lamb]

He is taking His time answering my request to allow me to find Him the way I want Him to find Him.

This part stood out to me immediately when I read your post. First off I'm sorry that you're suffering so much and that you feel God is distant. But if you look at what you wrote "to find Him the way I want Him to find Him" you'll see that you want things on your own terms and are denying God the right to be who He is. He's already with you. He died on the cross for you and lives so that you will one day be resurrected as well.

Have you gone to a priest for confession/absolution?

 

[Particular]

I've been seeking Him for about a year or so after having lived in sin for many years. I know the parable of the unfair judge and the persistent widow, but things seem to be going worse in my life ever since I've started seeking Him (maybe it's a matter of coincidence, so I ask Him for forgiveness if my correlation between the events is misguided), and I feel like giving up on the whole "seek, ask, knock" thing, as I'm tired and it appears that He is taking His time answering my request to allow me to find Him the way I want Him to find Him. So, yeah, I don't really know what to do. I wish He would make things easier for me at least for a period of time, at least until my faith grows to the point that I don't apostize and end up in hell. I feel like in my heart I already have, as my feelings seem to be mistheistic. I thought I was signing up for an experience of living righteously and being persecuted for my faith, not for a life of physical sickness and spiritual and mental war.

RC Sproul has a good article on the dark night of the soul. Many, including myself, have experienced this difficult season.

The Dark Night of the Soul by R.C. Sproul

The dark night of the soul. This phenomenon describes a malady that the greatest of Christians have suffered from time to time. It was the malady that provoked David to ... %}

www.ligonier.org

May God give us the grace to say as Habakkuk...

Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
~ Habakkuk 3:17-18

 

[tango]

This part stood out to me immediately when I read your post. First off I'm sorry that you're suffering so much and that you feel God is distant. But if you look at what you wrote "to find Him the way I want Him to find Him" you'll see that you want things on your own terms and are denying God the right to be who He is. He's already with you. He died on the cross for you and lives so that you will one day be resurrected as well.

Have you gone to a priest for confession/absolution?

This is very true. Sometimes God seems to just go completely quiet.

I'd rather not go into specific detail about this just yet but, broadly speaking, my wife and I have been exploring what we think is a calling from God for a few months now. What kicked the process off what something very specific and unmistakeable. We shared with a small number of trusted friends and they all said much the same thing, which confirmed what we thought. But along the way we've hit any number of bumps and setbacks, including a period of nearly two months when it appeared that all the doors were closing on us. Sometimes that's just how it works and the simple reality is that God doesn't owe us an explanation of anything. If God asks you to turn your life upside down and inside out your decision is whether you obey or not. If you say yes, you hand over the reins of your life to God and buckle up for the ride. It might be a smooth ride for a time but the chances are it's going to get bumpy somewhere along the way. And still God doesn't owe you an explanation, he just calls you to follow him and doesn't have to say where the path goes.

If we're looking to follow God on our terms, if we expect him to meet us under circumstances of our choosing, and if we agree to follow him as long as the path meets with our approval, we aren't following at all - we are expecting God to follow us.

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

If we're looking to follow God on our terms, if we expect him to meet us under circumstances of our choosing, and if we agree to follow him as long as the path meets with our approval, we aren't following at all - we are expecting God to follow us.

There has to be some coherent way of assessing whether you're on the right path though. The New Testament seems to be full of contradictions. On the one hand, it seems to suggest that God works according to an agreement, in the sense that He requires us to do His will and, in exchange, He will provide for us the desires of our hearts as long as they are not evil. On the other hand, there's also a central idea that everything is pretty much random, that good people can suffer and bad people can live abundant lives and then in the afterlife the roles switch just because God wants it to be so. There are verses that support both views. So my question is: what am I missing that's prohibiting me from being as compliant with God's apparent randomness as you guys are? Is what you're showing a sign of resignation in front of what you perceive as an omnipotent tyrant, or is my point of view skewed by demonic forces?

 

[tango]

There has to be some coherent way of assessing whether you're on the right path though. The New Testament seems to be full of contradictions. On the one hand, it seems to suggest that God works according to an agreement, in the sense that He requires us to do His will and, in exchange, He will provide for us the desires of our hearts as long as they are not evil. On the other hand, there's also a central idea that everything is pretty much random, that good people can suffer and bad people can live abundant lives and then in the afterlife the roles switch just because God wants it to be so. There are verses that support both views. So my question is: what am I missing that's prohibiting me from being as compliant with God's apparent randomness as you guys are? Is what you're showing a sign of resignation in front of what you perceive as an omnipotent tyrant, or is my point of view skewed by demonic forces?

To answer your last question, it isn't necessarily either of those things.

There are things that appear random to us. In secular terms, a rising tide lifts all boats. The rain falls on the just and the unjust. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and we don't understand why. Whatever befalls us pales into insignificance when compared to what happens to Christians in places like North Korea, not to mention what happened to the Jews in Nazi Germany.

With or without any Scriptural input to the process, the reality is that life isn't something that can be planned to the n-th degree because sometimes things happen that derail plans. Maybe the plans can be tweaked and followed anyway, maybe they just get thrown in the trash. Whatever you might have planned for your life there are things that may change things completely. Maybe you'll get a diagnosis of something that makes your plan impossible. Maybe you'll chance upon something amazing that opens other doors you decide to pursue, or that allows you to bring a plan forward and think much bigger. Maybe some random person will cross paths with you and your entire life's path will change. Or maybe something will happen that leads you to conclude God is calling you to do something very different.

It's difficult to give definitive answers to how you know you are on God's path because, to borrow the phrase from my pastor, God speaks our language. A few months ago a couple I know were looking to make a specific life change and one day they were talking to me about signs that they were doing the right thing. At the time I said to them that if they have to constantly ask whether something is a sign the chances are it isn't a sign. A few weeks ago they were exploring the exact same life change further and absolutely everything fell into place perfectly, everything that could have lined up did line up exactly as they needed it to, and now they are ready to get on with it. The call I described before was a classic example of that - when I talked to our pastor about the events that led to our conclusion he was fascinated because some of it related to events that he had also attended but for him they were just unrelated events that weren't particularly noteworthy, and yet he could see how everything aligned for us. Looking back there were a few points, each of which was utterly trivial in its own right but together started to form a pattern, and if any one of those seemingly trivial things had been missing the pattern wouldn't have been there.

You should expect to encounter problems while on God's path - Paul wrote about the spiritual battle and you can be sure the devil doesn't want you doing God's will. Things that appear to dishearten you, threaten to overwhelm you with fear, question why you're giving up this in order to gain something of no value to you, may all be tactics to get you to quit (the common themes would be "this is too difficult" ,"the personal cost is too high", "what if I fail?", "what will people think if I do this?" etc).

It's also worth remembering that God will meet you where you are. Where he'll take you is anybody's guess from here but I wouldn't worry too much about being expected to take a monumental leap of faith until you are ready for that. Also remember that God knows what it will take to convince you that something is from him rather than your imagination, so don't feel like you have to identify a single sign correctly and respond right there and then.

 

[Andrew]

I've been seeking Him for about a year or so after having lived in sin for many years. I know the parable of the unfair judge and the persistent widow, but things seem to be going worse in my life ever since I've started seeking Him (maybe it's a matter of coincidence, so I ask Him for forgiveness if my correlation between the events is misguided), and I feel like giving up on the whole "seek, ask, knock" thing, as I'm tired and it appears that He is taking His time answering my request to allow me to find Him the way I want Him to find Him. So, yeah, I don't really know what to do. I wish He would make things easier for me at least for a period of time, at least until my faith grows to the point that I don't apostize and end up in hell. I feel like in my heart I already have, as my feelings seem to be mistheistic. I thought I was signing up for an experience of living righteously and being persecuted for my faith, not for a life of physical sickness and spiritual and mental war.

If I may.. I go through the same mental warfare but I've also been diagnosed with bipolar depression and OCD, this link may comfort and relieve you as it has me.. My mental strain seems to be a form of punishment or torment but that is not the case.. I am forgiven but my mind focuses all too much on "worst case" scenarios and the "illusion" of not being accepted is just that.. an illusion...

Check it out

Help For Christians Who Have Difficulty Controlling Their Thoughts

 

[Particular]

There has to be some coherent way of assessing whether you're on the right path though. The New Testament seems to be full of contradictions. On the one hand, it seems to suggest that God works according to an agreement, in the sense that He requires us to do His will and, in exchange, He will provide for us the desires of our hearts as long as they are not evil. On the other hand, there's also a central idea that everything is pretty much random, that good people can suffer and bad people can live abundant lives and then in the afterlife the roles switch just because God wants it to be so. There are verses that support both views. So my question is: what am I missing that's prohibiting me from being as compliant with God's apparent randomness as you guys are? Is what you're showing a sign of resignation in front of what you perceive as an omnipotent tyrant, or is my point of view skewed by demonic forces?

You are missing a mentor who can help you rightly divide the word of God. At present you are all scattered and thinking God is contradictory, which is not true. Instead, it seems that you are imposing your own bias on God's word and attempting to make it fit with your bias.

Use inductive Bible study when you read.
Pick a small letter to begin. Perhaps 1 Thessalonians.
First, read the letter about 5 times.
Second, start writing down all that you observe in every verse. Try to be as detailed as possible.
Third, ask questions about what you have objectively observed.
Fourth, Try answer your questions.
Fifth, find commentaries on the verses to see what others wrote. (I like the site PreceptAustin for finding commentaries.) If no one has the same answer as you, that should be a red flag about your answer.
Sixth, write down application to what you have done.

You will have pages upon pages by the time you finish 1 Thessalonians. When you finish, it will be doubtful that you feel God is missing in your life. Pouring one's self into scripture has a way of changing us as God teaches through his word.

At present, it seems you are merely skimming the Bible while holding your bias. Dig deep. Let God speak. You might spend hours on one verse if you are digging. Be patient and let God speak.

 

[tango]

A followup on what Particular wrote above. When I was exploring the claims of the Christian faith I was keen to ensure they were compatible with a few views and stances I held. If Christianity wasn't compatible with my existing stances, I wasn't going to follow.

Over time I concluded that if God really is who he claims to be then I needed to be willing to give up absolutely everything I previously believed if it wasn't compatible. Instead of expecting God to change to suit me, I had to change to suit God.

God will meet you where you are, but don't be surprised if he doesn't leave you there. Chances are you will change as you follow the path. Sometimes it feels like a succession of gates, each a little smaller than the previous one. You might fit through the first gate but successive gates will require a little bit more of your old self to be broken off. It's a good way to work - you gradually become more and more like Christ but you don't get scared off by seeing the later gates before you're ready to pass through the first one.