Your advice to newlyweds?

Lämmchen

God's Lil Lamb
Community Team
Administrator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 10, 2015
Messages
22,446
Age
53
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
I was at a wedding this weekend and held off giving any advice for their marriage but I heard a lot of other people giving their words of wisdom.

What advice would you give to newlyweds to help them along in their marital journey?
 

Josiah

simul justus et peccator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2015
Messages
9,701
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
My advise.... in no particular order....


1. Love each other. 1 Corinthians 13, Jesus..... The other is more important than self, the other comes first. It includes faithfulness. And forgiveness. Love means there ain't no sacrifice.

2. Love is also spelled "T.I.M.E." In today's world and economy, it's EASY to become "ships passing in the night" so we may NEED to prioritize our time, even schedule it (however unromantic that is, lol). Turn off the TV, shut down the computers, put away the phones. Talk to each other. Do things together (in addition to that... but omg, some couples even forget to do that).

3. Learn each other's "Love Language" And do it.

4. Keep Jesus in the marriage. Do devotions TOGETHER. Pray out loud for each other. Go to church REGULARLY and TOGETHER. Also, love, forgiveness, service - they will all be taught and inspired.

5. Be cheerleaders for each other. Lift high one another.

6. Live within financial means.... do finances together.... keep a handle on this: Bad finances can severely damage even strong marriages.


I'd add, BEFORE marriage: Don't have sex (ever, not once),and certainly don't live together; get to know each other (and not be hyper-focused on bodies instead - there's decades ahead for that).... Get professional pre-marriage counseling from a licensed Christian counselor... don't rush into it....


There are others, too.... but this spring immediately to mind.



.
 

Michael

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 21, 2019
Messages
691
Location
SoCal
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Non-Denominational
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
I was at a wedding this weekend and held off giving any advice for their marriage but I heard a lot of other people giving their words of wisdom.

What advice would you give to newlyweds to help them along in their marital journey?
Pray together and study God's Word together every day is the best advice I can give.
My wife and I have done that for over 10 years years now, and God has blessed us in our marriage even in the midst of great struggles.
 

Lämmchen

God's Lil Lamb
Community Team
Administrator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 10, 2015
Messages
22,446
Age
53
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
What do you say to non-Christian newlyweds who don't want to hear religious advice?
 

jsimms435

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
4,319
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Baptist
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Learn how to say things like
I'm sorry
I was wrong
Please forgive me

Humble yourself and admit your mistakes when you make them instead of being prideful.
 

Josiah

simul justus et peccator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2015
Messages
9,701
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
Learn how to say things like
I'm sorry
I was wrong
Please forgive me

Humble yourself and admit your mistakes when you make them instead of being prideful.


:thumbsup:


When I was engaged, a guy who had been married over 50 years told me, "Wives love to hear 3 words: 'I was wrong'." Then he added, "Oh, and 'let's eat out'."
 

tango

... and you shall live ...
Valued Contributor
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
9,235
Location
Realms of chaos
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
I was at a wedding this weekend and held off giving any advice for their marriage but I heard a lot of other people giving their words of wisdom.

What advice would you give to newlyweds to help them along in their marital journey?
I'm not providing specifically Christian advice, in light of your later question about advice for people who aren't necessarily Christians.

First and foremost, remember why you're here and what it is you love so much about the other. There will come a time when life happens and you wonder why you did it. Make sure you can answer the question - it will help weather the storms.

Know that in time you will fight and that's OK. Just make sure you fight fair, focus on the issue at hand and don't keep dredging up the past. Once it's resolved, move on and forget about it. If you're wrong admit it, if you just dig in your heels you'll never resolve it and it will sit there and fester until you do.

Make sure you make time, space, budget for yourselves. It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day life and suddenly find your spouse is practically a stranger. If you don't set aside some time and space for yourselves you'll essentially become "married singles" where you have the piece of paper and share a house but that's about it. If money is tight do cheap things you both love. A walk in the woods doesn't cost anything and you can always eat out somewhere cheap.

Make time for yourselves. If you don't have friends aside from each other, or you never get to see your guy friends/girl friends, you'll feel isolated. Just make sure that time and money isn't spent disproportionately - it doesn't work for one to be endlessly going out such that the other doesn't have time or can't afford it.
 

tango

... and you shall live ...
Valued Contributor
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
9,235
Location
Realms of chaos
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
Since so many people picked up on being willing to admit you're wrong, a related thought is that even if you're right sometimes it's better to let something go and be happy. If you know you're right and your spouse is wrong, make sure it's a point that's really worth fighting over before you let it come between you.
 

bharath

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2019
Messages
56
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Hindu
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Single
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
In these days it is not a new marriage to them as they have already relationship and enjoyed a lot. I am seeing after the marriage they hate each other and inmost cases Divorcement has been came.
These days are different for giving advice to newly wed couples.
 

Lämmchen

God's Lil Lamb
Community Team
Administrator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 10, 2015
Messages
22,446
Age
53
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
In these days it is not a new marriage to them as they have already relationship and enjoyed a lot. I am seeing after the marriage they hate each other and inmost cases Divorcement has been came.
These days are different for giving advice to newly wed couples.
What do you think causes the change after they get married to hate each other?
 

Krissy Cakes

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2015
Messages
3,173
Age
29
Location
Idaho
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Political Affiliation
Moderate
Marital Status
Married
Never go to bed angry.
 

bharath

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2019
Messages
56
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Hindu
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Single
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
What do you think causes the change after they get married to hate each other?
They make something wrong from both sides and starts quarreling each other as this happens in love marriages. If boy gets suspicious on girl, then he starts to misbehave, but here more than 75% love marriages gone into divorcement and main thing is money problem.

In arrange marriage their are more hopes that the relationship will continue for along time.
 

tango

... and you shall live ...
Valued Contributor
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
9,235
Location
Realms of chaos
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
What do you think causes the change after they get married to hate each other?
I think part of the problem is the way the "big wedding day" is planned for so many months or years ahead of time that it inevitably becomes the primary focus as if it were the endpoint, when actually it's more like a doorway that leads to a new beginning. Except the new beginning is saddled with a mountain of debt to pay for the single day.

Then there's the notion that marriage is like a box full of good things that you can draw from any time you want, except that you can't take something out of a box without first putting something in. You start out with an empty box and fill it together, and only by both sides putting more and more into the box does anyone get to take stuff out of the box. A relationship where one gives and the other takes may appear to work for a time but will soon fall apart.

If one or both parties has gone into the marriage assuming that they will have their fairytale wedding and then live happily ever after, then assumes any troubles following the big day must be their partner's fault (because they are blameless, naturally) it won't take long for problems to arise and break everything apart. Throw in what seems to be a growing tendency these days to figure that if something isn't making me happy in the here and now it's time to change it for something that does and it's easy to see why people would just walk away from a marriage rather than working on buiilding it.
 
Top Bottom