This is very clear for me. Before and after losing my spouse. I was thinking about this last night. Many of the things I have learned I would not have learned had this not happened, had I not gone through the pain and grief, and anger and somehow made it out the other side. In all likelihood I'd still be what is considered a "normie" - carrying on in the beliefs and traditions of my upbringing, watching television, eating McDonalds and going to church on Sunday.