Of Singleness/Celibacy/Marriage Minded/Sexual Frustration

[FredBotswana]

Pornography, masturbation and fornication are a sin, these are the things that I have prayed against when I became a Christian, I stayed months without doing them, also with a prayer/hope that God will gives me a wife/family and I will be really believing that and having faith. But then after around 8 months or so I fornicated or I watch porn and masturbate. Also i can be with a lady and both us being celibate but along the way we break up after many months or a year, from there I meet someone else and we fornicate then break up and then I go back to porn and masturbation.


It's really frustrating that if you're not careful you can even be angry at God and bitter because all you want is a wife, you don't want to do sexual sin and you have done it all (to be pure) but then through burning with passion then you end up succumbing to temptation. I am a 42 year old man with no children, and sometimes I wonder for how long am I going to wait and keep falling back to sexual sin. Sometimes I have thoughts of getting just a lady from the world, get tested and make child with. You know, it's just sooo frustrating, just yesterday I succumbed to porn and masturbation after fornication weeks before that, this is after I have stayed for almost a year celibate. IT'S A BATTLE BRETHRENS.


Please help with advises.

 

[heavenslight]

Praying for you. I do caution against marrying a woman who is not a Christian as this could shipwreck your faith or create problems living a Christian life. It is also forbidden by scripture. Christians who marry non Christians rather then converting their spouse are more likely to be dragged down.

Possibly contact Harvest Christian Fellowship, Greg Laurie's church, for prayer and advice. You can Google their website.

 

[Messy]

 

[heavenslight]

There is also the Ask a Pastor section on this forum. You could ask for advice there.

 

[Josiah]

From one who was a virgin on my wedding day (I know, more info that you want! LOL).... one extremely heterosexual and supersaturated with healthy hormones (LOL)...


1. Yes, it sure seems God designed us to be sexual and to desire (and yes enjoy) sex. And that "kicks in" years before marriage is practical in our modern Western civilization. What is, is.


2. I just don't buy the cry "But I'm SO weak, SO not in control of myself, SO just an immoral animal in heat, that I GOTTA have sex - I can't help myself!!" Steer manure. And what a pathetic self-admission.


3. I think (sincerely) that romance is highly underrated and sex is highly over-rated. There MUCH to be said for love that is well rounded with not only ergos but also agape and phileo. With hugs and holding hands. SAD that some couples quickly by-pass all that and go right to sex. And sex itself is increadibly enriched by all that is a part of love, care, intimacy, romance.


4. Persons SO weak and lacking control that have sex outside of marriage BEFORE they marry and perhaps darn likely to remain so AFTER marriage. Why do some people think that a 30 minute ceremony is going to automatically CHANGE each so that they now will be strong and moral and in control? Why are they SO shocked that their spouse who insisted "I can't help myself" before they got married did not do a complete 180 during that 30 minute ceremony? I mean, MAYBE but....


5. For the CHRISTIAN, we have the "New Adam" and the power of the Holy Spirit. I don't agree with Wesley and perfectionist "Evangelicals" that thus we can be sinless...I agree with Paul that we still have the Old Adam, the Old Nature, and we struggle with that. And falls will happen (and thus the need for mercy, grace and forgiveness). BUT HEY, as Christians, the cry "But I'm SO weak, I'm SO out of control, I'm just an immoral animal in heat" is an even weaker, less credible argument. I'm not suggesting it means they aren't really Christian, I'm suggesting they aren't being honest. While virginity and celibacy are likely less rare these days, that's not because people are weaker these days or the Holy Spirit has given up empowering us but because this sin is welcomed these days. As Christians, we need to reverse the current view that morality is formed by the sinful world rather than the divine Word. Satan's ploy in the Garden was to ask, "Did God REALLY say...?" And this ploy is used today, "Did God REALLY say to keep sex sacred and within marriage?"


6. Look, I'm the first to admit it's not easy. And in the teens and especially 20's, society may actually think you WEIRD if you hold wto be sacred and precious, if you respect sex and sexuality (and marriage). I was 14 when a girl asked me to have sex with her. And even at that tender age, I very much remember the incredible temptation. In my 20's, it was just ASSUMED and simply a part of the dating process. But 1) I tended to date girls who not only were Christians but who saw themselves as strong and not animals in heat and 2) I actually found that girls RESPECTED my view - especially since (if necessary) I simply shared MY value without saying anything what THEIR value should be. I was ready to marry a girl who was not a virgin - realizing the older I got the less likely I'd find one, and realizing there are a HOST of other values to look for, and embracing "virgin again." But as it turned out, my beloved and I were attracted to each other MOSTLY because of our hearts and spirits, our values and attitudes - and both were virgins.


7. It's SAD that churches (especially Protestant ones) have given up and given in. Perhaps fearful to offending too many and thus perhaps decreasing the number of folks in the pews. We need to TEACH Biblical morality and values on this point too - in Sunday School, in Confirmation and Youth Groups, and above all in sermons. Not just "Well, the Bible says" but also WHY this is precious and sacred.


A blessed Lenten season to all....


Josiah



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[Messy]

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