Jokes

[Krissy Cakes]

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is big and heavy, the other is a little lighter.

Hehe!

 

[hotrhymez]

What do you call a positive thinking rabbit?

Hop-timism

 

[Lamb]

How to rabbits travel?





By Hareplane

 

[psalms 91]

What do you call a positive thinking rabbit?

Hop-timism

That is hare raising

 

[tango]

If a cyclops asks how to spell "Hawaii" there really is no tactful way to explain you need two i's.

 

[Andrew]

A Baptist Man, a Pentecostal Woman, and a Calvinist all die and get to the gates of Heaven.

Peter tells them, “You’ve all done well, but to get into Heaven I am going to need to interview each of you in private to make sure your qualified.”

At this point the Baptist and Pentecostal are sweating bullets. Peter chooses the Baptist to go first. So, they go into a small room and are in there for 6 hours. The Pentecostal lady knows that if the Baptist man is having this hard of a time she really must be in trouble. Finally, after the six hours, the Baptist comes out and goes “Whew, I made it.”

Still, nervous the Pentecostal Lady takes her turn and goes in. After 12 hours the Baptist Guy was starting to wonder if she would pass, but sure enough she comes out and says “Whew, I made it.”

The Calvinist confidently walks into the room and shuts the door behind him. He’s in there for over 24 hours and the Pentecostal and Baptist are really starting to wonder what the heck is going on.

Finally, St. Peter comes out and says, “Whew, I made it!”

 

[Lamb]

Husband: Pastor Brown told me he never takes a day off because Satan never takes a day off.

Wife: Seems to me, Pastor Brown needs to pick a better role model!

 

[Joshua1Eight]

A boy asks his father, “Daddy, is God white or black?”

The father replies, “I don’t know, son. Why don’t you ask him?”

So the boy goes to his room and prays.

5 minutes later the boy comes back to his father and says, “Daddy, I found the answer. God is white.”

And the father asks, “How do you figure?”

The son says, “Because in the Bible, God said to Moses ‘I Am that I Am.’ “

Confused, the father says, “How does that prove that God is white?”

The boy says, “Because if God was black, he would have said, ‘I is that I is.’ “

 

[tango]

I decided to start eating snails. I don't care much for fast food.

 

[Lamb]

A boy asks his father, “Daddy, is God white or black?”

The father replies, “I don’t know, son. Why don’t you ask him?”

So the boy goes to his room and prays.

5 minutes later the boy comes back to his father and says, “Daddy, I found the answer. God is white.”

And the father asks, “How do you figure?”

The son says, “Because in the Bible, God said to Moses ‘I Am that I Am.’ “

Confused, the father says, “How does that prove that God is white?”

The boy says, “Because if God was black, he would have said, ‘I is that I is.’ “

That's kind of racist? Or stereotypical, don't you think?

 

[Faithhopeandcharity]

Psychics convention cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances!

 

[Fritz Kobus]

Sven, Arne and Ole are out hunting and they happen upon some tracks.
Sven says " Doze are deer tracks!"
Arne replies, "No, Sven look how big dey are. Doze are moose tracks!
Say, Ole don't doze look like moose tracks to you?"
Before Ole could answer, all three were hit by the train.

 

[hill]

Jesus told jokes about farming and crops, but they're corny

.

 

[rstrats]

Lum - Where is the first cigarette mentioned in the Bible?

Abner - I don't know.

Lum - In Genesis where it says that Rebekah lit off a camel.

 

[tango]

I found a load of eels on the riverbank this morning. They weren't moving so I wasn't sure if they were are alive or not. So I got out my stereo and pumped up some tunes. With that they all started wriggling around.

As they saying goes, "the eels are alive with the sound of music".

 

[Messy]