Jokes

[The Fall Guy]

Tell your favorite joke here for us to laugh at. Or not.

 

[brinny]

you first

 

[psalms 91]

lol

 

[brinny]

Ok, i'll start

i went down to the harbor to feed the ducks.

what did i feed them?

 

[GenesisGirl]

Quackers?

 

[psalms 91]

What dio you have when you have two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk

 

[brinny]

LOL! Daggit, you both figured it out hahaaaaa

that's hilarious bill

 

[psalms 91]

A Baptist minister wanted a dog and he gets one that is trained very well and does all sorts of tricks. So one night he is having a party and wants to show his dog off and he tells it to roll over and play dead and so on. Finally he tells it to heel and the dog jumps up on a guest and puts his paw on his forehead and the minister said oh no its a Pentecostal dog

 

[ImaginaryDay2]

One of my favorites:

So this physicist walks into an ice cream shop every day, sits down, and orders an ice cream sundae for himself and one for the empty seat next to him. This goes on for a while, until the guy behind the counter gets curious and asks him what he's doing. The physicist says "Well, I'm a physicist, and quantum mechanics tells us that it is possible for a beautiful woman to materialize above the space in this seat, and instantly fall in love with me". The guy behind the counter says "Well, lots of beautiful women come in here every day. Why don't you buy one of them and ice cream, and they might fall in love with you"? And the physicist says "Yeah, but what are the chances of that happening"?

 

[Ruth]

Knock knock


Who's there?


Goliath


Goliath who?



Goliath down you looketh tired!

 

[Lamb]

Saying "I'm sorry" is the same thing as "I apologize" except at a funeral. - Demetri Martin

 

[ImaginaryDay2]

Certainly not representative of us...

 

[Andrew]

Saying "I'm sorry" is the same thing as "I apologize" except at a funeral. - Demetri Martin

Haha! Yes!! I used to listen to that album for days too funny.

 

[Josiah]

A Roman Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi...

...all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and they decided to do a seven-day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.

"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me.
So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb.
The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."


Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip.

In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaimed, "Well, brothers, you know that we don't sprinkle...we dunk! I went out and I found me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's holy word! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.
So I took hold of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestle down one hill, up another and down another until we came to a crick. So I quickly dunked him and baptized his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.
We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's holy word, and praising Jesus."


They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

The rabbi looks up and says, "Oi! you fellows don't know what trouble is until you try to circumcise a bear"



.

 

[NewCreation435]

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.":xD:

 

[MennoSota]

In the area I grew up at there were a number of Finns. They told Aino and Toivo jokes (Much like Sven and Ole jokes for Swedes) Here is a good one.


Toivo took a job with Odovero Construction to paint lines on M28. The first day he painted ten miles. The boss was very impressed. The second day he painted two miles. The boss was a little disappointed. The third day he only painted 500 feet. The boss sat him down and said," Toivo, how come you paint ten miles the first day, two miles the next day, but only 500 feet today?". Toivo replied, "Well boss, each day I get farther and farther away from the paint can".*

Ba dump bump...

 

[MennoSota]

Aino and Toivo went out fishing. They caught fish after fish after fish. Toivo got so excited that he told Aino to mark the spot where they were catching all the fish. Aino looked around and found a can of spray paint and sprayed an X on the bottom of the boat. "Okay, Toivo," he said, "I got the spot marked."

 

[tango]

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is big and heavy, the other is a little lighter.

 

[JRT]

In the area I grew up at there were a number of Finns. They told Aino and Toivo jokes (Much like Sven and Ole jokes for Swedes) Here is a good one.


Toivo took a job with Odovero Construction to paint lines on M28. The first day he painted ten miles. The boss was very impressed. The second day he painted two miles. The boss was a little disappointed. The third day he only painted 500 feet. The boss sat him down and said," Toivo, how come you paint ten miles the first day, two miles the next day, but only 500 feet today?". Toivo replied, "Well boss, each day I get farther and farther away from the paint can".*

Ba dump bump...

In Canada with a suitable change of names that would be a Newfie joke but they would probably work in something about having to paint around the potholes.

 

[Krissy Cakes]

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.":xD: