Addictions

[Can't think of a name]

Anything we can do for you to change that around just say so?

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What you could do is tell me if you experienced God's love as an actual experience from God.

 

[BruceLeiter]

I had experience of God as peace and felt his holiness and majesty which had some fear mixed in with it. I can't say I ever experienced any feeling of love from God. In fact, I experienced sorrow or sadness, which was a reference to Jesus as the Man of Sorrows. But these were not my own feelings or emotions, they were bestowed upon me by God. So I can't relate to some feeling of love from Christ, sorry.

@Can't think of a name, if you had an "experience of peace and felt his holiness and majesty," you HAVE experienced "some feeling of love from Christ." Why? God is three Persons in ONE God, including Jesus Christ as the second one. All blessings come from the Father through Christ by the Spirit's power.

You seem to misunderstand who God is. Furthermore, with this correct understanding, I hope that you will come to understand and experience God's love more.

You have mentioned that your experience of God wasn't just feelings, but your language seems to use "feeling" words a lot: "felt," "fear," and "feeling" in this paragraph.

 

[Can't think of a name]

@Can't think of a name, if you had an "experience of peace and felt his holiness and majesty," you HAVE experienced "some feeling of love from Christ." Why? God is three Persons in ONE God, including Jesus Christ as the second one. All blessings come from the Father through Christ by the Spirit's power.

You seem to misunderstand who God is. Furthermore, with this correct understanding, I hope that you will come to understand and experience God's love more.

You have mentioned that your experience of God wasn't just feelings, but your language seems to use "feeling" words a lot: "felt," "fear," and "feeling" in this paragraph.

I already tried to explain that the feeling of peace from God etc. was not my own human emotional feelings but that they were bestowed on me from outside myself by God, even though it happened to me subjectively.

I will not get embroiled in any discussion about feelings except to state clearly now that when I hear some Christians denigrating experiences in any way by calling them "feelings" such as "we don't rely on feelings" etc etc., I find that they are talking nonsense and probably don't know what they are talking about themselves since these types don't seem to have any experiences of God to speak of.

I only ever had one experience of God, and that was when He saved me. It's been a long time now. I can't be expected to somehow know what God's love feels like if I don't experience it, despite wanting to.

 

[BruceLeiter]

I already tried to explain that the feeling of peace from God etc. was not my own human emotional feelings but that they were bestowed on me from outside myself by God, even though it happened to me subjectively.

I will not get embroiled in any discussion about feelings except to state clearly now that when I hear some Christians denigrating experiences in any way by calling them "feelings" such as "we don't rely on feelings" etc etc., I find that they are talking nonsense and probably don't know what they are talking about themselves since these types don't seem to have any experiences of God to speak of.

I only ever had one experience of God, and that was when He saved me. It's been a long time now. I can't be expected to somehow know what God's love feels like if I don't experience it, despite wanting to.

@Can't think of a name, what kind of an experience do you want from God? I have had many experiences of God's answers to my prayers and have seen his uses of experiences to guide me. Are those the kinds of experiences you want, or what? If you're interested, you can read the book What God Has Done: My True, Dramatic God-Biography (Amazon) about mine.

 

[Can't think of a name]

@Can't think of a name, what kind of an experience do you want from God? I have had many experiences of God's answers to my prayers and have seen his uses of experiences to guide me. Are those the kinds of experiences you want, or what? If you're interested, you can read the book What God Has Done: My True, Dramatic God-Biography (Amazon) about mine.

I want to experience God's presence and the peace and joy of it. The peace that passes understanding. I want it to be with me all the time. But there seems to be a catch: unless I stop sinning ( that is, drinking etc) He will not show up. And yet I need Him to show up to stop drinking because I know I wouldn't drink if He came near to me.

 

[BruceLeiter]

I already tried to explain that the feeling of peace from God etc. was not my own human emotional feelings but that they were bestowed on me from outside myself by God, even though it happened to me subjectively.

I will not get embroiled in any discussion about feelings except to state clearly now that when I hear some Christians denigrating experiences in any way by calling them "feelings" such as "we don't rely on feelings" etc etc., I find that they are talking nonsense and probably don't know what they are talking about themselves since these types don't seem to have any experiences of God to speak of.

I only ever had one experience of God, and that was when He saved me. It's been a long time now. I can't be expected to somehow know what God's love feels like if I don't experience it, despite wanting to.

Okay, @Can't think of a name, I have experienced God's peace of Philippians 4:6-7 only after pouring my genuine emotions of anger and anxiety out in prayer to him, the way Job (chapter 10), David (73 of the 150 Psalms, especially 39 and 88), and Jeremiah (Lamentations, especially chapter 3) did. It took many laments like those prayers, while praying for God's peace, before God gave his peace to accept the losses in my life. If you don't know what you are angry or anxious about, get good, Christian, professional help to uncover the disappointments that you have experienced. Then, persistently pray with such prayers until you receive his peace.

 

[Can't think of a name]

Okay, @Can't think of a name, I have experienced God's peace of Philippians 4:6-7 only after pouring my genuine emotions of anger and anxiety out in prayer to him, the way Job (chapter 10), David (73 of the 150 Psalms, especially 39 and 88), and Jeremiah (Lamentations, especially chapter 3) did. It took many laments like those prayers, while praying for God's peace, before God gave his peace to accept the losses in my life. If you don't know what you are angry or anxious about, get good, Christian, professional help to uncover the disappointments that you have experienced. Then, persistently pray with such prayers until you receive his peace.

I don't mean to sound rude, seriously, but I just don't think you are understanding what I am writing at all. How many times am I going to tell you that praying is not doing anything before you tell me to keep praying? I sincerely don't think you know what you are talking about and you keep on avoiding what I am saying, sorry. You are not helping me but making everything worse. Why are you presuming to teach me as if you feel you know better? What gives you the right to do that? You don't even know me and you are trying to tell me what to do as if you know me and you know the outcome of prayer. Stop trying to know and teach people things you have no clue about, please. If you want to encourage me your best bet would be to start by saying, " I DO NOT KNOW" and then you can proceed.

 

[BruceLeiter]

I don't mean to sound rude, seriously, but I just don't think you are understanding what I am writing at all. How many times am I going to tell you that praying is not doing anything before you tell me to keep praying? I sincerely don't think you know what you are talking about and you keep on avoiding what I am saying, sorry. You are not helping me but making everything worse. Why are you presuming to teach me as if you feel you know better? What gives you the right to do that? You don't even know me and you are trying to tell me what to do as if you know me and you know the outcome of prayer. Stop trying to know and teach people things you have no clue about, please. If you want to encourage me your best bet would be to start by saying, " I DO NOT KNOW" and then you can proceed.

Why are my words making your life worse, @Can't think of a name? Did you already know about that kind of praying? It's not part of the western culture. I know what I'm talking about, because I have experienced that peace several times after persistent prayers. What is it about praying that you have a problem with? All of my posts are SUGGESTIONS, not commands. You can take them or leave them, as you wish. God has taken away my depression and daily migraines for several decades through such prayers. However, I DO KNOW by experience the peace of Philippians 4:6-7, but you don't have to experience if you don't want to:

Php 4:6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Php 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

[Can't think of a name]

Why are my words making your life worse, @Can't think of a name? Did you already know about that kind of praying? It's not part of the western culture. I know what I'm talking about, because I have experienced that peace several times after persistent prayers. What is it about praying that you have a problem with? All of my posts are SUGGESTIONS, not commands. You can take them or leave them, as you wish. God has taken away my depression and daily migraines for several decades through such prayers. However, I DO KNOW by experience the peace of Philippians 4:6-7, but you don't have to experience if you don't want to:

Php 4:6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Php 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

You persist in not getting it.

You keep on telling me to pray and I keep on telling you I pray.

Why are you not understanding that? Please explain how you are just not listening to anything I have written.

 

[BruceLeiter]

You persist in not getting it.

You keep on telling me to pray and I keep on telling you I pray.

Why are you not understanding that? Please explain how you are just not listening to anything I have written.

Well, I'm thankful that you have discovered the lament of the Old Testament books, @Can't think of a name. Keep doing it persistently until God gives you his peace of Philippians 4:6-7. Then, a huge burden will be lifted. You're on my prayer list.

 

[Can't think of a name]

Well, I'm thankful that you have discovered the lament of the Old Testament books, @Can't think of a name. Keep doing it persistently until God gives you his peace of Philippians 4:6-7. Then, a huge burden will be lifted. You're on my prayer list.

I'm at a loss to know what to say to you because I have clearly stated that I have prayed persistently for over a decade and nothing has happened. Either you aren't reading what I am writing or ignoring it.

 

[BruceLeiter]

I'm at a loss to know what to say to you because I have clearly stated that I have prayed persistently for over a decade and nothing has happened. Either you aren't reading what I am writing or ignoring it.

What have you said in those prayers, @Can't think of a name?

 

[Can't think of a name]

What have you said in those prayers, @Can't think of a name?

I've already explained that earlier in this thread.

 

[BruceLeiter]

I've already explained that earlier in this thread.

I just read your first post, @Can't think of a name. Do you get drunk, or do you control your drinking so that you don't get drunk? I suggest that you seek Christian psychological help to find out the source of your pain, urges, and paranoia. It might have been some event in your childhood. Perhaps, a Christian psychiatric hospital like Pine Rest Christian Health in Grand Rapids could help you. Then, express your honest feelings to God. Just a suggestion.

 

[Can't think of a name]

I just read your first post, @Can't think of a name. Do you get drunk, or do you control your drinking so that you don't get drunk? I suggest that you seek Christian psychological help to find out the source of your pain, urges, and paranoia. It might have been some event in your childhood. Perhaps, a Christian psychiatric hospital like Pine Rest Christian Health in Grand Rapids could help you. Then, express your honest feelings to God. Just a suggestion.

Hi Bruce, how's your day today?

Well, I don't drink so much I blackout or fall about the place. But it's complicated by the fact I use marijuana because that tends to have the effect of to some extent cancelling out the feeling of being drunk, in that it makes me more awake. I drink to smoke pot because I like the feeling it gives me minus the paranoia. But on the other hand I hate both drink and pot because it is sinful and I feel terrible when I am awake the next day. I only drink in the evenings and not during the day. So it's like I don't get drunk completely but I do get intoxicated.

Nothing happened to me as a child that was traumatic. I had a good family home. Around the age of 13 I rebelled somewhat and started using alcohol and weed. But it was just being a naughty kid, not because of any past hurts. Lots of people start using substances without previous traumas and then get addicted to the substance by itself.

By the time I was 16/17 the weed, which by that time was the skunk type I was using, started making me paranoid. I got more and more withdrawn, missed College classes to get high, and sunk deeper into my own little world. I used to go to the shed at the bottom of the garden to smoke with friends but I found myself going there more and more by myself when my friends weren't there just to get high. One day I was sitting in this shed and I felt a presence somewhere around me but I didn't see anything. I felt someone was watching or looking at me. Recently I had learnt that a small green fenced off area opposite my house was actually used as a burial site for victims of the medieval plague and the thought popped into my mind that maybe a ghost or something was watching me. It was just a silly passing thought but I had no knowledge of demons or anything like that so I just brushed it off. I was raised Roman Catholic and learnt nothing about demons. All I knew was the devil or Satan existed but not demons, for some reason. Yet when I was around 3 years of age a demon tried to scare me by emerging out of a picture of Jesus that was hanging on the wall in my Grandmother's house. She was Catholic and also "psychic". Her daughter, my Aunt, was into New Age stuff and that influenced me growing up through books she had. She also participated in seances as a medium. I was born with a birth mark on my body. None of my siblings or anybody in my entire family on both sides has any mental illness.

After a while of continuing to smoke pot and getting more withdrawn and paranoid I started experiencing odd coincidences that seemed to be self-referential. I would think about something or notice something and soon thereafter I would watch the News or see something on TV or in a magazine or book that would be about the same thought I had. I started getting multiple incidences like that and they came quick and fast, several times a day. It got to the stage where I thought people knew what I was thinking in my own head. Then it became persecution like. I thought people were ridiculing me based on what I was thinking and feeling. And finally, it turned into me thinking I was different to other people or special and within a short space of time I started to think I was God. I would do silly things like flick my hair up at the front when looking in the mirror and then the next day I would see that a movie or music video came out with famous people doing that exact same thing with their hair. It became things like that. I never experienced internal voices tormenting me or heard voices or anything like that. It was just paranoia and delusions of conceptual thought, and I never had any visual hallucinations. Eventually I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, dropped out of College and started seeing a psychiatrist. Strangely though, all the time I had gone through these things I always had a sense of my true self underneath all of it, so to speak. So I never behaved outwardly in any kind of odd way when I was around other people. I somehow knew that inside I was the same kid I was before any of these things started happening to me. I would go to see recruitment agency people who specialised in helping mentally ill people to get into work, I would see mental health doctors or psychologists etc. and they all said to me I seemed completely normal.

I went through 3 years of psychological therapy. They told me that they wouldn't be able to help me much because my main problem at that time was severe anxiety so we concentrated on trying to relieve anxiety most of all. I did Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It helped me a tiny little bit, that was all. I was stuck in the house and didn't want to go out so they helped me start to get used to going outside again. I was also given medication which must have helped. I would come out of my therapy sessions feeling more "normal" but by the time I got home that positive mindset would go away until the next session of therapy. I also had people that would take me outside. I once again became comfortable going out and even would go into restaurants by myself to eat.

Just before the medication, I started getting more and more panic attacks. First they gave me valium because of an emergency I had which was a severe panic attack that almost killed me. I stopped smoking pot then and then transitioned to the medications. And around that same time I discovered a guru's teachings which I got into. So I would also practice meditation. I was on a quest to try to understand what was happening to me and why it seemed like sometimes I felt like I was God and other times there were times when people behaved normally. I couldn't quite understand that contradiction. I sought out psychics and had psychic readings. I thought that if anybody knew something about me it would be those types of people. I went on a huge big spiritual bender, bought loads of New Age type books and visited psychic bookshops etc. I was always buying self help or spiritual books looking for some kind of breakthrough and trying to understand better. That's also partly why I meditated. I wanted to find God most of all. If there was a God and it wasn't me, that would cure my "illness", but at that time I didn't think that way. I just instinctively went in that direction. I really wanted to experience God like the guru's teachings were all about. So I continued meditating.

When the panic attacks first began happening my only relief was in relaxing by drinking alcohol, which my Dad told me to do to calm down (He was also a night drinker). It worked temporarily but the next day was always either the same or worse as far as my anxiety was concerned. So I never gave up drinking. A few years after I stopped pot, I tried it again after I had relaxed with a couple of drinks and found that I could experience that high again without a lot of the bad effects of anxiety. So since that time I have continued drinking and using pot until this day, 2 decades later. A decade ago God saved me. But the habit of drinking etc. was sticking and so I continued that. I have found it almost impossible to stop using even though I have prayed my heart and soul out to God for help. I detest, I HATE drinking and pot smoking. But I can't stop. And I think that basically for all these years I have been oppressed by demons and that that is the real cause of all this nonsense. I won't go into all the demonic things that have happened since I was saved and somewhat before that, suffice it to say that I truly believe that I am being harassed constantly by demons who have got into me somehow and where they merge their temptations to drink or even think certain things as thoughts that I take to be my own thinking or thoughts. The urge to drink every day at the exact same time of day comes on strong, it is relentless and will not give up, though I try to sit through it and delay to where the cravings may pass a little bit. But that's all I can do in my own strength - just sometimes a little delay in the time I start to drink. The thoughts I start getting to want to have a drink build up like pressure that wants to erupt out, I can't think of anything else at that time. And yet, for most of the rest of the day before that time I do not want to drink.

Continued...

 

[Can't think of a name]

Many, many times, as I have tried to sleep at night and in the morning, I have been attacked by these entities. They usually do things like I will hear sentences pop into my mind in my own mental voice, saying negative things or suddenly I will have a static picture pop into my mind of something grotesque. I have got so used to these things I literally just watch so to speak and ignore them. Such experiences never happen to me when I am awake during the day. But that's not all though. Every evening when I drink and especially when I start getting high on the pot, people in my local area will start to beep their car horns around where I live. At other times when I go outside to the shop and I am in a fearful state of mind (because my illness is still there, just not all consuming - that is, thinking people know my thoughts - now it has changed to demons inside people telling them my thoughts and so on) people will beep their car horns nearby to me. When I am not particularly fearful or not high, such noises do not occur.

As for prayer, I've done it to death, so to speak. I have begged God for help. I have cried while praying and begging God. I have spent hours a day in prayer, praying my heart out to God. I have asked not for things, but just for God's presence and His peace. I do not want anything from God except that. That's because I have figured that if I had God's presence and His peace I would not need to drink any more. So I learned from the Bible that I would not ask for anything that would lead me to continue to drink, like some favours from God for amnesty so that later on I would turn back to drinking. No, I just pray and pray and pray and ask God to reveal Himself to me, to experience His presence and especially the peace that passes understanding, which I felt tangibly the day God saved me.

On that day, in 2014, while I was in my room reading the Bible, God saved me and later on that same day I saw demons in the form of dark entities kind of shifting about in my house out of the corner of my eye. Later, not too long after that, I would be woken up at 3am and attacked by these entities while trying to sleep. I had the distinct impression that they were attempting to possess me and try to get back inside my body in some way but they couldn't do it because I was saved and God was protecting me. Still, if they can't possess me they can certainly oppress me and I have been going through this harassment now for 10 years and there has been no change in my life, no freedom.

 

[BruceLeiter]

Many, many times, as I have tried to sleep at night and in the morning, I have been attacked by these entities. They usually do things like I will hear sentences pop into my mind in my own mental voice, saying negative things or suddenly I will have a static picture pop into my mind of something grotesque. I have got so used to these things I literally just watch so to speak and ignore them. Such experiences never happen to me when I am awake during the day. But that's not all though. Every evening when I drink and especially when I start getting high on the pot, people in my local area will start to beep their car horns around where I live. At other times when I go outside to the shop and I am in a fearful state of mind (because my illness is still there, just not all consuming - that is, thinking people know my thoughts - now it has changed to demons inside people telling them my thoughts and so on) people will beep their car horns nearby to me. When I am not particularly fearful or not high, such noises do not occur.

As for prayer, I've done it to death, so to speak. I have begged God for help. I have cried while praying and begging God. I have spent hours a day in prayer, praying my heart out to God. I have asked not for things, but just for God's presence and His peace. I do not want anything from God except that. That's because I have figured that if I had God's presence and His peace I would not need to drink any more. So I learned from the Bible that I would not ask for anything that would lead me to continue to drink, like some favours from God for amnesty so that later on I would turn back to drinking. No, I just pray and pray and pray and ask God to reveal Himself to me, to experience His presence and especially the peace that passes understanding, which I felt tangibly the day God saved me.

On that day, in 2014, while I was in my room reading the Bible, God saved me and later on that same day I saw demons in the form of dark entities kind of shifting about in my house out of the corner of my eye. Later, not too long after that, I would be woken up at 3am and attacked by these entities while trying to sleep. I had the distinct impression that they were attempting to possess me and try to get back inside my body in some way but they couldn't do it because I was saved and God was protecting me. Still, if they can't possess me they can certainly oppress me and I have been going through this harassment now for 10 years and there has been no change in my life, no freedom.

@Can't think of a name, thank you for your story. I'm at a loss to suggest anything that can help you. Have you checked into a hospital like the one I suggested, Pine Rest in Grand Rapids, Michigan? They helped me start on the road to recovery from my major depression; and since they are Christian, they can help in that area too.

My impression as I was reading your whole testimony, was that perhaps the addictions to weed and alcohol might be at the root of your problems, because I know that those substances do mess with people's minds, but I don't know. It would be hard for you to quit those cold-turkey, but that might be necessary for you to recover. You would, I'm sure, go through a very difficult withdrawal, but with the hope that you can be rid of the demons and lead a comparatively-normal life might be enough for you to endure that hard time.

I'll continue praying that you will be able to gain God's strength to break those addictions. A thought just came to me. Perhaps, when you feel the urge to drink alcohol or smoke weed, if you get out your Bible and pray instead, maybe that can be your substituted "addiction." Just a thought.

 

[Can't think of a name]

@Can't think of a name, thank you for your story. I'm at a loss to suggest anything that can help you. Have you checked into a hospital like the one I suggested, Pine Rest in Grand Rapids, Michigan? They helped me start on the road to recovery from my major depression; and since they are Christian, they can help in that area too.

My impression as I was reading your whole testimony, was that perhaps the addictions to weed and alcohol might be at the root of your problems, because I know that those substances do mess with people's minds, but I don't know. It would be hard for you to quit those cold-turkey, but that might be necessary for you to recover. You would, I'm sure, go through a very difficult withdrawal, but with the hope that you can be rid of the demons and lead a comparatively-normal life might be enough for you to endure that hard time.

I'll continue praying that you will be able to gain God's strength to break those addictions. A thought just came to me. Perhaps, when you feel the urge to drink alcohol or smoke weed, if you get out your Bible and pray instead, maybe that can be your substituted "addiction." Just a thought.

I live in England UK. There aren't many options here with regard to any rehabs or Christian councelling. I couldn't afford those either way. Besides, Christian psychologists have written books on addiction using their knowledge gain from helping people and their advice would be no different to what I would get otherwise. I have seen people that specialise in addiction help but they can't ever really do much for me.

I had a realisation today that I had contemplated before but never got to the bottom of. When I searched for whether precognition is considered a demonic thing by Christians, online, it said it is. I had never seen that before though I have searched for information on that topic many times. When I was around 13 years old was when I started smoking pot and that was also the same time I started getting precognitive dreams. I have had a lot of those kinds of experiences over the years and up until today I thought that it was a normal human experience and it happened to almost everybody. Of course, it would happen to unregenerated people more or less. But if it is demonic, it shows that I was having psychic experiences as a result of using pot at that early age. And the guru's teachings I used to read made it seem as if such an experience was normal and could be cultivated through meditation. The hook there is that it attempts to solidify the idea that we are little gods. Now, when God saved me, the most overwhelming thing about it was that I definitely knew I WASN'T God. What a relief! So, anything that takes me away from that reality and back to a little god concept I know is demonic. And if it started with pot, I am opening myself up to demonic activity when I smoke it. The trouble is, I don't know how to stop. I DO know that if I was able to read the Bible much more that these problems would probably go away. But the other problem is that I am stuck at home with no prospects for the future, I do not know any Christians near to me and there are no decent churches around. So I'm stuck.

 

[BruceLeiter]

I live in England UK. There aren't many options here with regard to any rehabs or Christian councelling. I couldn't afford those either way. Besides, Christian psychologists have written books on addiction using their knowledge gain from helping people and their advice would be no different to what I would get otherwise. I have seen people that specialise in addiction help but they can't ever really do much for me.

I had a realisation today that I had contemplated before but never got to the bottom of. When I searched for whether precognition is considered a demonic thing by Christians, online, it said it is. I had never seen that before though I have searched for information on that topic many times. When I was around 13 years old was when I started smoking pot and that was also the same time I started getting precognitive dreams. I have had a lot of those kinds of experiences over the years and up until today I thought that it was a normal human experience and it happened to almost everybody. Of course, it would happen to unregenerated people more or less. But if it is demonic, it shows that I was having psychic experiences as a result of using pot at that early age. And the guru's teachings I used to read made it seem as if such an experience was normal and could be cultivated through meditation. The hook there is that it attempts to solidify the idea that we are little gods. Now, when God saved me, the most overwhelming thing about it was that I definitely knew I WASN'T God. What a relief! So, anything that takes me away from that reality and back to a little god concept I know is demonic. And if it started with pot, I am opening myself up to demonic activity when I smoke it. The trouble is, I don't know how to stop. I DO know that if I was able to read the Bible much more that these problems would probably go away. But the other problem is that I am stuck at home with no prospects for the future, I do not know any Christians near to me and there are no decent churches around. So I'm stuck.

I think that you are making progress by rejecting the guru's advice. You also are right to realize that smoking pot is related to your dreams. Now, the next step might be to muster up the courage that God has given you to decide to shake those destructive habits of smoking pot and drinking alcohol. Perhaps, you could claim Jesus' victory over them through his death and resurrection and pray for his victory over them as you read your Bible during those times when you feel the urges to do them. @Can't think of a name, I have experienced his victory over some of my sins like lust by persistently praying such prayers.

What do you mean by "decent churches"? How much have you searched for them and attended them? You might check them out more. Of course, all churches are filled with imperfect people, because all Christians are also sinners. I usually go by how much their preaching and teaching is in line with the Bible. We also need each other as fellow Christians, so being part of a small group can be very helpful.

 

[Can't think of a name]

I think that you are making progress by rejecting the guru's advice. You also are right to realize that smoking pot is related to your dreams. Now, the next step might be to muster up the courage that God has given you to decide to shake those destructive habits of smoking pot and drinking alcohol. Perhaps, you could claim Jesus' victory over them through his death and resurrection and pray for his victory over them as you read your Bible during those times when you feel the urges to do them. @Can't think of a name, I have experienced his victory over some of my sins like lust by persistently praying such prayers.

What do you mean by "decent churches"? How much have you searched for them and attended them? You might check them out more. Of course, all churches are filled with imperfect people, because all Christians are also sinners. I usually go by how much their preaching and teaching is in line with the Bible. We also need each other as fellow Christians, so being part of a small group can be very helpful.

I mean churches that aren't worldly. Not the people that go to them.

As far as Christians in my nearby area, I have found none except one person who shunned me and ignored me and wouldn't respond to my messages.