What's a general rule about boundaries

[Jazzy]

What's a general rule about boundaries that most people don't seem to understand?

 

[Messy]

You're not allowed to cross them. Saying that friendly does not mean you may.

 

[tango]

I think therapy speak is getting out of hand these days.

Boundaries are all well and good but aside from reducing or eliminating contact for disrespecting boundaries there's not much I can do to specifically prevent people from ignoring boundaries.

If my boss ignores my boundaries then unless they are crossing lines with legal implications (eg sexual or racial harassment) I may push back but ultimately my options are to put up with it or quit.

Essentially they define lines that dictate when I walk away from a situation. Not lines that anyone else is inherently obligated to respect in any way at all.

 

[prism]

Disrespecting boundaries, are nothing a pit bull won't cure...

 

[Messy]

I think therapy speak is getting out of hand these days.

Boundaries are all well and good but aside from reducing or eliminating contact for disrespecting boundaries there's not much I can do to specifically prevent people from ignoring boundaries.

If my boss ignores my boundaries then unless they are crossing lines with legal implications (eg sexual or racial harassment) I may push back but ultimately my options are to put up with it or quit.

Essentially they define lines that dictate when I walk away from a situation. Not lines that anyone else is inherently obligated to respect in any way at all.

Yes and if it's a creep you can just scream if he's otherwise too dumb to respect a boundary and if it's a kid that makes your house filthy on purpose when he visits cause youre always so fun and chill you have to be a bit nastier and if that doesnt help you just say: hey go bother your parents. I live here for my fun. Bye. And if the boss is a bozo you don't have to quit. You can tell someone and help the others and then he is forced to quit.

 

[Messy]

Disrespecting boundaries, are nothing a pit bull won't cure...

I used to have a carriage bike, but I had to keep it outside. It was too big. So when it was ruined for the third time I wanted to buy a vicious dog and hide it in there. Goodness so annoying and the most annoying thing was that the guy who did it lived here in the flat. Someone saw him do it. He also stole the Mac from the neighbours. Garage boxes were put on fire and cars and the police is 50 meters from here and they wanted a camera, but nope. Privacy for the thieves and crooks. I put the bike in my ex's yard, didnt use it anymore for the kids and he used it to go fishing.

 

[tango]

Yes and if it's a creep you can just scream if he's otherwise too dumb to respect a boundary and if it's a kid that makes your house filthy on purpose when he visits cause youre always so fun and chill you have to be a bit nastier and if that doesnt help you just say: hey go bother your parents. I live here for my fun. Bye. And if the boss is a bozo you don't have to quit. You can tell someone and help the others and then he is forced to quit.

If the boss is a bozo the chances are telling someone else won't force him to quit. If he's breaking the law then hopefully he'll be forced out soon but if he just doesn't like you it's unlikely you'll get others to force him out. If he's being a jerk to everyone it's possible that everybody going to HR at once and saying they'll quit unless the boss is fired might get him fired but even then it's hard to be sure.

Ultimately you can't control what other people do, whatever boundaries they cross. You can only control what you do, hence the idea that if the boss shows disrespect past a point that you define you decide to quit.

 

[Messy]

If the boss is a bozo the chances are telling someone else won't force him to quit. If he's breaking the law then hopefully he'll be forced out soon but if he just doesn't like you it's unlikely you'll get others to force him out. If he's being a jerk to everyone it's possible that everybody going to HR at once and saying they'll quit unless the boss is fired might get him fired but even then it's hard to be sure.

Ultimately you can't control what other people do, whatever boundaries they cross. You can only control what you do, hence the idea that if the boss shows disrespect past a point that you define you decide to quit.

That was no option for me. When I had no kids yes sure I just quit after a week, bye and found a catering job that paid half. Who cares. But with kids you can't just quit and God gave me this job. I just endured it and after a few years we could say if we wanted him again as a manager or someone else and a few ppl were gonna complain about him and asked if I wanted to join, so I did and when I heard that there were people at home with a burnout because of him I thought I had to say something. I just kept working. Forgive and bless, who cares, a collegue was amazed that I just kept working, the way he treated me. What do I care, but some just quit their job, others were home with a burnout. I had to say something.

 

[tango]

That was no option for me. When I had no kids yes sure I just quit after a week, bye and found a catering job that paid half. Who cares. But with kids you can't just quit and God gave me this job. I just endured it and after a few years we could say if we wanted him again as a manager or someone else and a few ppl were gonna complain about him and asked if I wanted to join, so I did and when I heard that there were people at home with a burnout because of him I thought I had to say something. I just kept working. Forgive and bless, who cares, a collegue was amazed that I just kept working, the way he treated me. What do I care, but some just quit their job, others were home with a burnout. I had to say something.

That's often an issue, most people can't just quit their job because they live paycheck to paycheck. In a situation like that your personal boundaries become irrelevant very fast because people can cross them with impunity and there's not much you can do about it.

Sometimes speaking up makes a difference. Sometimes it makes no difference. Sometimes speaking up gets you fired. Up to you whether you speak up - you have to decide for yourself based on where you live and work (and the laws that apply to you), and how badly you need the job if it all goes sideways.

 

[prism]

Garage boxes were put on fire and cars and the police is 50 meters from here and they wanted a camera, but nope. Privacy for the thieves and crooks.

I didn't understand this part. Who wanted a camera?
'Privacy for thieves and crooks'? -Where I live, you can point your camera anywhere you suspect a thief will do his dastardly deed.

 

[Messy]

I didn't understand this part. Who wanted a camera?
'Privacy for thieves and crooks'? -Where I live, you can point your camera anywhere you suspect a thief will do his dastardly deed.

The people who live here wanted a camera, but we couldn't get one, because of privacy for the thieves. Absurd. And then later that guy moved to another flat and we had no problems anymore, but then cars got burned in another part of town. I wondered if it was him, but we will never know cause those people must have privacy.