At times of tragedy,

[Jazzy]

in leu of “prayers” what’s a better offering, action, or response?

 

[Lamb]

I will always pray. "Pray without ceasing" is what the scriptures tell believers to do.

Now I know there are people who don't want my prayers...they get them anyway. If I feel like doing something else, then I will but it will be according to their needs, whether it's offering a ride somewhere, or listening to them when they need to get something off their chest.

 

[tango]

in leu of “prayers” what’s a better offering, action, or response?

It would really depend on the tragedy. If a response other than (maybe over and above?) prayers is appropriate it could take all sorts of forms depending on what the person needs.

Sometimes it's best to see a need and fix it, sometimes it's best to let people say what they need. It's all very well to say something like "let me know if you need anything" but that's the sort of thing lots of people say and few of them actually mean.

 

[Josiah]

.

Prayer is ALWAYS appropriate. Especially in times of tragedy.
Love is ALWAYS appropriate. Especially in times of tragedy.

And I think that SOMETIMES people don't so much want (or expect) you to FIX their problem, they want you to LISTEN and CARE and SUPPORT them in that time.



Now this was a lesson I had to learn. And I mostly have my wife to thank for it. My tendency was to listen just long enough to figure out the problem.... then "bless" the other by sharing my great wisdom as to what they should do about it. I did this to my beloved a few times until she punched me in the nose enough to realize this was not helpful (or appreciated). LISTEN. LOVE/CARE. And yeah, "can we pray together about this?" is sometimes a very good thing. Some "active listening." Some hugs. Some prayer together. It's more helpful. And better on your nose.



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[YESLORDIWILL]

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[tango]

Unless you are able and willing to get close to the person suffering, or are already close to them, it's very hard to know what they need.

From my own experience and that of some friends, one thing that seems to be a recurring theme is that when you lose someone close it starts to really sink in at around the time people around you are back to living their normal lives. So just at the point you need more support than before the people you would hope to provide that support are moving on. They don't necessarily know you need support - if you don't speak up they can't tell.

Sometimes practical help is useful and sometimes well-intentioned help proves to be worse than useless. Even the act of taking someone a meal can cause more problems than it solves if the meal isn't suitable. It's not much good sending someone a portion of pasta loaded with cheese sauce if that person is lactose intolerant, for example. If you do that it means they have to clean the dishes and don't even get any benefit.

When my wife and I provide meals for people with a need (which may be a tragedy or may simply be a medical procedure or having a new baby or similar) we typically make something that goes in a single pot. We can get a pot from the local thrift shop for almost nothing, which means we don't need it back. Depending on what we make we sometimes use a disposable container so the recipient doesn't even need to clean it - they can eat the food and throw everything in the trash.

It sounds intensely ungrateful but it really doesn't help people when something that may be very well-intentioned just creates something else for them to deal with. Having an extra couple of plates to clean is a small thing but when added to something like "my husband is dying" it's just one more thing at a time it really isn't needed.