A rough childhood

[Jazzy]

What are some signs that someone had a rough childhood?

 

[1689Dave]

Obviously bruises and scars. But harder to see are the bad self-image and emotional scars placed on children by their parents.

 

[tango]

Lacking basic skills you'd expect them to have.

If you see a teenager who doesn't know how to tie their shoelaces, tell the time on a clock, use a knife and fork, chances are they've been neglected in many other areas too.

 

[Josiah]

EVERYONE had a less-than-ideal youth. Heck, how can you survive the teen years otherwise?

It's not so much what happened as what you did with that. The "school of hard knocks" can be very helpful.



Warning: PERSONAL STORY.

Okay, I admit it... I was born with a "silver spoon" in my mouth. WONDERFUL family, perfect parents, beloved siblings, adoring grandparents, incredibly smart, cute, popular, the girls liked me. Yup. Pretty much. Ain't boasting, it's just how it was.

BUT here's the problem with that. I never learned skills of dealing with hardships, bullies, disappointment, criticism, rejection. I learned those lessons LATE and HARD. At times, embarrassingly so.

There's something to be said for gaining coping skills early in life. Something to be said for dealing with attacks on your ego. Early. Well.

I'm NOT saying that typical hardships in childhood and youth are good.... but good CAN come from it.



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[tango]

Josiah, I think you make very good points about needing to learn about how to handle hardships and what to do when life doesn't hand you exactly what you want, when you want, how you want. That said I suspect that even given the "trials and tribulations" of dealing with the embarrassments of learning late lessons at the school of hard knocks I suspect most deprived kids would leap at the chance to trade places.

When I look back I was spoiled in many ways. The first time I lived on my own it was a huge eye-opener, when I found that just about everything I took for granted would be on hand wasn't on hand. Want a cheese sandwich? Too bad, there's no cheese or bread in the fridge. Oh wait, you wanted to cut your cheese? Too bad, no sharp knives here. Go and buy what you need? Hmmm.... you did buy plates so you could put your cheese sandwich on something, right? And so on, and so on. Annoying, frustrating, unpleasantly expensive, and yet still not even close to what untold thousands of kids who weren't as fortunate had to deal with, and that's before even considering kids suffering genuine neglect and abuse.

 

[Josiah]

Josiah, I think you make very good points about needing to learn about how to handle hardships and what to do when life doesn't hand you exactly what you want, when you want, how you want. That said I suspect that even given the "trials and tribulations" of dealing with the embarrassments of learning late lessons at the school of hard knocks I suspect most deprived kids would leap at the chance to trade places.

When I look back I was spoiled in many ways. The first time I lived on my own it was a huge eye-opener, when I found that just about everything I took for granted would be on hand wasn't on hand. Want a cheese sandwich? Too bad, there's no cheese or bread in the fridge. Oh wait, you wanted to cut your cheese? Too bad, no sharp knives here. Go and buy what you need? Hmmm.... you did buy plates so you could put your cheese sandwich on something, right? And so on, and so on. Annoying, frustrating, unpleasantly expensive, and yet still not even close to what untold thousands of kids who weren't as fortunate had to deal with, and that's before even considering kids suffering genuine neglect and abuse.

Perhaps here's the key: Learn. Grow.

Perhaps it doesn't matter SO much whether life hands you a good or bad hand....but what you DO with that hand, what you LEARN in the process?



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[tango]

Perhaps here's the key: Learn. Grow.

Perhaps it doesn't matter SO much whether life hands you a good or bad hand....but what you DO with that hand, what you LEARN in the process?
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To a very large extent you're right. It's just sad that some kids get handed such a bad hand so early they don't have a lot of scope to simply learn and grow through it.

Outside of the worst cases of neglect and abuse I'd agree with you. Sometimes it takes a while to learn, even if learning is just figuring out that there aren't elves who clean up after you wherever you go...