Relationships are dramatic!

[Naiwen]

Just a rant today on relationships. I’ve only been in 2 very short lived relationships for about 1-2 months at the most and it’s never been about love at all, but sexual favors and paying for our dates and things. Thence, I think I’ve never experienced what true live or “falling in love” feels like because with my 2 exes, it’s always been fighting and arguing about money matters and material things such as gift exchanges and etc. No wonder I’m deluded by romantic love and consider myself an asexual a romantic. What’s your sexual orientation and your overall thoughts on romantic relationships?

 

[Josiah]

I'm sorry things haven't YET worked out for you.... it's not easy! I'd share don't give up, don't get turned of, you ONLY haven't yet succeeded. Sometimes this happens easily, often not.

I'm very hetero (although I'm not sure that matters). Sex obviously matters but it's a very intimate sharing of self and of love; it's fun but that's just the surface aspect of it, that alone doesn't mean much. Good point to remember: couples in their 80's (who maybe can't even actually "do" it) often have great sex lives. Ah. It's NOT primarily about part A going into part B. Nope. It's about love.... caring.... sharing.... US.

It's about one's SOUL MATE, fulfillment, compliment. The one with whom to share our lives, our family, our souls, our everything. The one we want to serve and bless. "Romance" is not the objective, it's just the result.

Seek one you care about.... more than self. The rest has a way of falling into place. Ain't saying that's easy, LOTS of failed attempts are typical. Keep going. It's worth it. And if it doesn't happen, that's okay.... it's not essential. MANY (including Jesus!) had very full and wonderful lives and never married. There are ALWAYS many who can be the object of your love, your giving, your self.

Don't give up until you're dead.



.

 

[JoyFreak]

I steer clear away from relationships. I find myself to be content being alone and single. I'm surrounded by family and their love and comfort is more than enough for me! Relationships are just too complicated!

 

[ValleyGal]

Relationships don't have to be dramatic. The ones that are successful seem to be best friends, can count on each other, have each other's back, share similar values and lifestyle, respect each other's differences, have excellent boundaries, and are able to resolve conflicts in a mature, calm manner. Emotional intelligence plays a part, including empathy and understanding each other's perspectives. Imo, put all this together and it means maturity and quality of character. Finding someone who has those two things and being someone with those two things - that's where the struggle lies. I can't stand dramatic relationships and will not be in one again.

 

[tango]

Just a rant today on relationships. I’ve only been in 2 very short lived relationships for about 1-2 months at the most and it’s never been about love at all, but sexual favors and paying for our dates and things. Thence, I think I’ve never experienced what true live or “falling in love” feels like because with my 2 exes, it’s always been fighting and arguing about money matters and material things such as gift exchanges and etc. No wonder I’m deluded by romantic love and consider myself an asexual a romantic. What’s your sexual orientation and your overall thoughts on romantic relationships?

Some relationships do appear to be little more than glorified prostitution - although it's not as plain as literally exchanging money for sex it might as well be. Although that sort of thing isn't appropriate from a Biblical perspective, as far as people who don't follow the Bible are concerned there's no obvious reason why they shouldn't do that as long as all parties know what's happening and are OK with it.

I can't help thinking a lot of the problem these days is the expectation that everybody will have a partner (if not multiple partners) and everybody will be as sexually active as possible. The days of letting a relationship develop slowly, in the kind of approach described by ValleyGal above, seem to be regarded by many as ancient history. But if you're friends before you get physical the relationship is more likely to last. If you care for each other over and above getting your own pleasure the relationship is more likely to survive the trials of life.

I remember a girl I knew many years ago who wasn't anything much to look at, but who was a really nice person. As a teenager she struggled to find anyone to take much of an interest in her, and I remembered something my mother had said to me that was along the lines of "cooking lasts, looks don't". As Josiah said above, if you're truly connected to someone else you can be intimate with them even without doing the whole biological jigsaw puzzle - you can enjoy their company and their touch, their affection, even without getting sexual.

On a positive note, if the guys are showing their cards nice and early and making it clear that all they want is sex at least you can get rid of them quickly.