Not exactly a #metoo but still feel violated

[Lamb]

My family went to a festival yesterday. It was raining on and off so I wore my oversized rain trench coat. Not an attractive piece of clothing!

We walked into a tent to look at some exhibits and it was darker inside and we were walking in single file line with my daughter in the lead and my husband falling behind as usual. A man walked toward me and I tried to move aside because he was entering my invisible bubble and then it happened...he bumped into me with his arm brushing my side and rear end. It was forceful and not accidental.

I hate it that men take advantage of crowded areas to grope women! I turned around to glare at him but the crowd became too much and I asked my husband if he saw that guy touch me. He said which guy. He is always oblivious when they do this. This isn't the first time something like this has happened but wow, you'd think wearing an oversized trench coat would be a deterrent

This experience just about ruined my time at the event. Ice cream helped get my mind off it briefly later on but I'm still mad at that man.

 

[psalms 91]

Sorry this happened Lamm, dont think there is much to be done when in a crowded situation unless you can call out who did it. Pepper spray alsio might work

 

[Krissy Cakes]

I'm so sorry that it happened to you. :empathy: I agree with Bill on the pepper spray.

 

[Lamb]

I can't use pepper spray in a crowd

 

[tango]

Pepper spray in a crowd would be insane.

Maybe what you need is something that's like a toned down stun gun with (heavily insulated) pins on the back of your jeans. That way if someone genuinely does brush or bump you nothing untoward will happen but if they are taking advantage of the situation it hits them with a nasty voltage. If anything the oversized trench coat would make it easier to set up - you can run wires inside the coat.

 

[Lamb]

Pepper spray in a crowd would be insane.

Maybe what you need is something that's like a toned down stun gun with (heavily insulated) pins on the back of your jeans. That way if someone genuinely does brush or bump you nothing untoward will happen but if they are taking advantage of the situation it hits them with a nasty voltage. If anything the oversized trench coat would make it easier to set up - you can run wires inside the coat.

I'd be like a walking bomb LOL

 

[Lamb]

Another creepy incident today...

My daughter and I were out walking on a trail and got to the end before turning around to head back and we looked out at the road as we were drinking our water. A guy in a truck across the street a couple hundred feet away that was pulled to the side of the road waved to us. We ignored him but then he got out and called over to us. We couldn't hear him so I walked near but not too close to try to figure out what he was asking us. He asked, "Do you girls need a ride to ___ Road?" "No, we're just walking." I replied. Then he was asking other questions but I couldn't hear everything. I walked back to my daughter so we could get away from him and as we were moving along she said, "Did you hear him say that he has a house over there?"

That's just creepy. Yes, I heard him say that but didn't want to alarm her by telling her at first. Asking people if they need a ride is okay...but saying you have a house nearby is suspicious.

I really need to buy pepper spray to have on hand

 

[psalms 91]

A great deterrant and not real expensive

 

[NewCreation435]

That is super creepy. I'm sorry you went through that and are safe.

 

[Lamb]

That is super creepy. I'm sorry you went through that and are safe.

Thank you. That trail doesn't have any park rangers since it's just a trail so I have never felt as safe there as I do my park trails. There aren't many people on this trail either and houses are far away. I've told my daughter it's not a trail I want to be on alone.

 

[tango]

Pepper spray, mace, bear spray or maybe even a small firearm? You don't have to spend a lot of money to get a stun gun - obviously they are only useful at very close range but seem like a useful way to get away from a situation developing badly. I saw one that was designed for joggers and dog walkers - it was essentially cylindrical so it would fit in a hand while walking (or walking a dog etc). It had a nasty spike on one end and a stun gun on the other. The idea was that if someone grabbed you from behind the rear-facing spike would provide a first line of defence with a stun gun on hand if you needed something extra.

I don't think you need to spend a whole lot of money to get a small firearm. Some of them have laser sights built in. From what I gather it really focuses the mind of a would-be attacker to see the laser dot on their chest and know that's where the bullet goes if you squeeze the trigger.

 

[Lamb]

I used to carry pepper spray many years ago. I'll definitely look into getting something soon. We had some bug spray in my camelbak so we could have used that to get away. My daughter runs 9 minute miles so she could get away easily enough. I'm at 13 minute miles. I would just have to use my wits if need be and my loud high-pitched screams!!

 

[tango]

I used to carry pepper spray many years ago. I'll definitely look into getting something soon. We had some bug spray in my camelbak so we could have used that to get away. My daughter runs 9 minute miles so she could get away easily enough. I'm at 13 minute miles. I would just have to use my wits if need be and my loud high-pitched screams!!

If you're talking about running away it doesn't make much difference what your mile time is - the chances are an attacker will chase for a short time rather than staying with you in the hope you tire before they do. Unless it really is the only option I'd be wary of any approach that involves turning your back on a would-be attacker - if someone is running it's easy enough to stop them if you have a rifle or a dog.

Situational awareness is good to avoid getting into situations in the first place, although if something is unavoidable (e.g. you have to get back to your car sooner or later no matter what) or you missed a cue and ended up in a situation that was less than ideal, my thinking would be to figure how to do the best job of protecting yourself by whatever means necessary. Obviously check your local laws regarding use of force and deadly force before figuring what to carry with you.

 

[Josiah]

There are ESPECIALLY intimate aspects of ourselves.... and "space" and respect are especially important there. I hope this isn't taken as sexist, but I think this is even more true for women than men, perhaps... maybe.... because of issues of vulnerability.


Sorry this has happened....

 

[Lamb]

There are ESPECIALLY intimate aspects of ourselves.... and "space" and respect are especially important there. I hope this isn't taken as sexist, but I think this is even more true for women than men, perhaps... maybe.... because of issues of vulnerability.


Sorry this has happened....

Thank you. No, I don't think it was a sexist statement. Men are hunters. That can include hunting women whether a woman wants him to or not.

 

[Ruth]

Some men are just pigs. Now, remember, I said "some" men! I think a good knee to the first man's groin would have been appropriate! I carry pepper spray at all times but of course wouldn't spray it into a crowd. That's what the knee is for! The other guy I'd just try to get far away from like you did. Good job in getting to a safer place!:cheer2:

 

[Lamb]

Some men are just pigs. Now, remember, I said "some" men! I think a good knee to the first man's groin would have been appropriate! I carry pepper spray at all times but of course wouldn't spray it into a crowd. That's what the knee is for! The other guy I'd just try to get far away from like you did. Good job in getting to a safer place!:cheer2:

My fear would be that no one saw what happened to me but a knee to the groin might be more obvious. I'd be the one seen as an attacker at that point

 

[tango]

My fear would be that no one saw what happened to me but a knee to the groin might be more obvious. I'd be the one seen as an attacker at that point

That's part of the problem, and of course in a crowd it's easy for anyone to claim that any contact was unintentional and caused by the crowd rather than their own actions.

Not saying at all that this is the case for you but sometimes things can be misunderstood completely, and one party doesn't even know what happened. Years ago I was on a crowded platform waiting for a train. I had my newspaper rolled up because there was no point trying to read it in the crowd. There was the usual movement within the crowd. I was vaguely aware that a lady slightly in front of me had bent down to do something - maybe pick up something she dropped or tie her shoelace or something, I don't know what exactly. The next thing I knew she was glaring at me. I literally had not moved. I can only assume someone touched her and she thought it was me, or she bumped her rear end against my paper as she bent down (I'd have noticed the bump but chances are I wouldn't think anything of it, given people shuffling within the crowd). Had she delivered a knee to the groin things wouldn't have ended well... it's obviously critical to make sure you get the right person and sometimes in a crowd, and in a crowd the person who really wants to be a nuisance probably has a good idea of how to blur things so they can credibly deny doing anything.

 

[Lamb]

That's part of the problem, and of course in a crowd it's easy for anyone to claim that any contact was unintentional and caused by the crowd rather than their own actions.

Not saying at all that this is the case for you but sometimes things can be misunderstood completely, and one party doesn't even know what happened. Years ago I was on a crowded platform waiting for a train. I had my newspaper rolled up because there was no point trying to read it in the crowd. There was the usual movement within the crowd. I was vaguely aware that a lady slightly in front of me had bent down to do something - maybe pick up something she dropped or tie her shoelace or something, I don't know what exactly. The next thing I knew she was glaring at me. I literally had not moved. I can only assume someone touched her and she thought it was me, or she bumped her rear end against my paper as she bent down (I'd have noticed the bump but chances are I wouldn't think anything of it, given people shuffling within the crowd). Had she delivered a knee to the groin things wouldn't have ended well... it's obviously critical to make sure you get the right person and sometimes in a crowd, and in a crowd the person who really wants to be a nuisance probably has a good idea of how to blur things so they can credibly deny doing anything.

:rotfl: You can never run for public office now!! That's scandalous!

 

[tango]

:rotfl: You can never run for public office now!! That's scandalous!

Yep.... although if I mysteriously get nominated for the Supreme Court the previous post may disappear