Your aging parents

[Jazzy]

What is your plan once your parents are physically unable to take care of themselves due to aging?

 

[Lamb]

We'll probably hire someone to care for my dad since he lives 12 hours away and won't want to move.

 

[Messy]

What is your plan once your parents are physically unable to take care of themselves due to aging?

My dad just had to go to a home. He didn't want to, but he had to. My mother and brother took care of him day and night, well at night my brother did it. He did most of the work and twice a day a nurse came. My brother lives there. But he threw up and had to be rushed to the hospital and the doc said they wouldnt let him go to the hospital anymore if it happened again. Costs a cent apparently. They also asked my brother: What do you want? How do you mean what do I want? He needs to drink something. Yeah well that's up to you. If it was up to her she'd just let him starve to death. They have become insane. Free healthcare. My dad can even pay for it himself to let someone help at home, but no, go to a home or we refuse to help you.

 

[ValleyGal]

What is your plan once your parents are physically unable to take care of themselves due to aging?

My plans are to not have any plans. My dad can decide for himself what he wants to do if he is unable to physically care for himself. In the case of dementia, he has plans for that, too... last we talked, he said he wants to buy an old Corvette and drive it off a cliff. I hope he doesn't, but either way, his care is his decision until he becomes a risk to himself or others.

 

[prism]

My parents have both passed and now I am the aged one. Maranatha.

 

[Lamb]

My plans are to not have any plans. My dad can decide for himself what he wants to do if he is unable to physically care for himself. In the case of dementia, he has plans for that, too... last we talked, he said he wants to buy an old Corvette and drive it off a cliff. I hope he doesn't, but either way, his care is his decision until he becomes a risk to himself or others.

That's scary. My mother-in-law had dementia and it was brutal for the family to go through, and most especially for my husband's sister who was the one to make decisions for their mom. I think it's good to have a plan in place, even a verbal one because you never know when something can strike, and you'll want to be able to make your own decisions up until the point when you can't. But then it gets to where you can't decide and if you haven't communicated with others, then it's all up to them to figure out what is the best care (and what can be afforded).

 

[ValleyGal]

Yes, dementia is scary. But in Canada, people are entitled to self-determination, meaning they are allowed to live at risk if they want to, as long as it doesn't put others at risk. Early in my nursing career, I worked part time in a home support position and there were a lot of elderly people living at home alone in filthy places, eating raw meat, and doing things you would never dream of. In BC, we also have a formal end of life planning process that all people are encouraged to fill out and register so their wishes are known. But it's still the person's wishes, not mine. So I guess my plan for when my parents are old and can't look after themselves is to go to the registry and implement their wishes. Either way, it's still not my plan; it's theirs. Even if it were verbal, it would be their plan. The OP says "What is your plan..." But I won't have a plan. It will always be my parents' plans.

 

[Lamb]

Yes, dementia is scary. But in Canada, people are entitled to self-determination, meaning they are allowed to live at risk if they want to, as long as it doesn't put others at risk. Early in my nursing career, I worked part time in a home support position and there were a lot of elderly people living at home alone in filthy places, eating raw meat, and doing things you would never dream of. In BC, we also have a formal end of life planning process that all people are encouraged to fill out and register so their wishes are known. But it's still the person's wishes, not mine. So I guess my plan for when my parents are old and can't look after themselves is to go to the registry and implement their wishes. Either way, it's still not my plan; it's theirs. Even if it were verbal, it would be their plan. The OP says "What is your plan..." But I won't have a plan. It will always be my parents' plans.

That's why pre-planning should always be considered. You want your parents to be cared for and have their wishes abided by and most would not want to suffer. With dementia, they aren't in their right minds to make decisions, so have their wishes known before it happens! With dementia, they might lash out and say things they never would say before having the disease. I've seen it happen. So which wishes would you want to abide by? The rational one before the disease? Or the one that makes no sense.

 

[Forgiven1]

My mother-in-law turns 100 this year and still lives in her own home (an apartment). She still volunteers once a week getting a ride to the place. My husband's sister does her shopping for her and will take her meals. We send money to get take out for her and sister. She emails both of her children daily i the morning. She is one who will probably die in her sleep.

Both of my parents are gone and when my mother needed to go to a care facility, all I did was remind her that she had stated years earlier that when it was time to go to one, she wouldn't fight it. All four of us kids did not live near her anymore and she did not want to move anywhere else either.