What is something you wish your congregation would do differently?

Lamb

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What is something you wish your congregation would do differently?
 
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Do you mean during service or just on the whole from coming in the door to leaving?
 

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Ok lol. I am currently in a non-denominational church that leans charismatic. However I am not established there and only attend once every 2-3 weeks. I have been attending there for over a year, and what I wish they would change is their friendliness. I feel like I'm walking into a social club I don't belong in. I'm invisible, and the only ones who ever say hi to me are the two greeters - who are the same two people every time.

I wish they didn't push that small groups is the best way to get to know people if you are new in the church. I wish they would invite out to lunch or coffee or just be neighborly/brotherly and sisterly and make friendly eye contact with a smile. I am nervous and shy around people I don't know, and the people tend to form clusters of their friend groups and talk among themselves and they act annoyed if you ask them to move or whatever so you can pass.

But I'm not there enough, I suppose, to become part of their friend group and the church is too far away for me to attend any of their small groups or events, not that I would anyway. If you don't feel welcome when you step foot in the door, what makes anyone think you'd feel comfortable attending a small group?
 

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Ok lol. I am currently in a non-denominational church that leans charismatic. However I am not established there and only attend once every 2-3 weeks. I have been attending there for over a year, and what I wish they would change is their friendliness. I feel like I'm walking into a social club I don't belong in. I'm invisible, and the only ones who ever say hi to me are the two greeters - who are the same two people every time.

I wish they didn't push that small groups is the best way to get to know people if you are new in the church. I wish they would invite out to lunch or coffee or just be neighborly/brotherly and sisterly and make friendly eye contact with a smile. I am nervous and shy around people I don't know, and the people tend to form clusters of their friend groups and talk among themselves and they act annoyed if you ask them to move or whatever so you can pass.

But I'm not there enough, I suppose, to become part of their friend group and the church is too far away for me to attend any of their small groups or events, not that I would anyway. If you don't feel welcome when you step foot in the door, what makes anyone think you'd feel comfortable attending a small group?

I hear that every now and again from people in all congregations that they don't feel as if they're a part of it. Have you considered suggesting an after service social hour with snacks and coffee? Maybe that would help open some doors?
 
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I hear that every now and again from people in all congregations that they don't feel as if they're a part of it. Have you considered suggesting an after service social hour with snacks and coffee? Maybe that would help open some doors?
They do have snacks and coffee after service, and sometimes have meals after service at certain times, but we are always headed right out the door. My husband has had some mental health issues which is why we are at a new-to-us church and he currently is not interested in getting involved in a church. Sometimes I will insist on staying and at least getting a snack, but trying to wade through the friend groups to get to the snack line is hard because people don't even listen to you when you say "excuse me" or anything like that. I've never felt more invisible in my life than in that church. The pastor only ever came up to us once, and it was after we'd been there for a few months and he just wanted to invite us to come to the newcomer's meal which was after service one of the days. We didn't attend that, maybe we should have, but I'll admit I have a lot of issues surrounding church at the moment, so I have not pressed anything. The whole vibe of the church is much more preppy and different than anything we'd ever really gel with. But it is in an expensive college town, so it makes sense that there would be more of that collegey and friend-groupy feeling because they likely all work and go to school together. Some of it is me and I know that. But I smile at everyone who looks my way and I try to introduce myself during the "introduce yourself" 2 minutes during service. Just doesn't seem anyone really cares to get to know anyone new. I miss my old church but would never want to be there again due to the direction it went in.
 

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They do have snacks and coffee after service, and sometimes have meals after service at certain times, but we are always headed right out the door. My husband has had some mental health issues which is why we are at a new-to-us church and he currently is not interested in getting involved in a church. Sometimes I will insist on staying and at least getting a snack, but trying to wade through the friend groups to get to the snack line is hard because people don't even listen to you when you say "excuse me" or anything like that. I've never felt more invisible in my life than in that church. The pastor only ever came up to us once, and it was after we'd been there for a few months and he just wanted to invite us to come to the newcomer's meal which was after service one of the days. We didn't attend that, maybe we should have, but I'll admit I have a lot of issues surrounding church at the moment, so I have not pressed anything. The whole vibe of the church is much more preppy and different than anything we'd ever really gel with. But it is in an expensive college town, so it makes sense that there would be more of that collegey and friend-groupy feeling because they likely all work and go to school together. Some of it is me and I know that. But I smile at everyone who looks my way and I try to introduce myself during the "introduce yourself" 2 minutes during service. Just doesn't seem anyone really cares to get to know anyone new. I miss my old church but would never want to be there again due to the direction it went in.

That sounds painful. Even though others seem distant, you know that the Lord is not. It could take some time to get to know people and feel connected. I wish some churches had a suggestion box that people could post in anonymously so that the Pastor and elders would know how people feel without confrontation.
 
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This church actually does have that which I think is awesome! I mentioned that the music is so loud I can't hear the lead singer and since I am new there and don't know most of the songs, I'd like to be able to hear the lead singer better. They never changed a thing and in fact I think it's gotten worse. I actually know the worship pastor there, but he was kind of defensive about it when I approached him and said he likes how the worship team sounds. It's very muddy sound and makes it hard for me to sing since I can't hear the words.

That aside, I could make a suggestion about the people being more friendly and welcoming. We went today and it was so painful, from beginning to end. I liked the sermon for the most part, though they are in Acts talking about how the Pentecost is supposed to be a reoccurring thing and I don't know about that, but he did balance it out by saying that a lot of people fish for experience and we should be looking for Jesus and backing everything up by the Word which I appreciated a LOT because most charismatic pastors would never say that. I noticed that during the time of greeting everyone, one lady came up to me and limply held out her hand and said her name really fast, but because everything is loud there, I couldn't hear her name and she went to the next people around her so I couldn't ask her to repeat it.

I suspect I have auditory processing disorder because I almost never process something someone is saying right away. I usually "hear" it 30 seconds or a minute later and by the it is usually too late. It makes it hard in situations like that to introduce myself to strangers, or to have strangers introduce themselves also. I recognize a lot of this is a me problem. But I think if some people would slow down and take time to be a little more friendly it would help. We have been there since Easter last year.
 

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a lot of people fish for experience and we should be looking for Jesus and backing everything up by the Word which I appreciated a LOT because most charismatic pastors would never say that.

That's really good that he's pushing people away from self and back onto Jesus! I love when pastors do that!!

I'm a name forgetter. Tell me your name and I have no idea what you said. I'm too afraid to ask again.

One church I visited before was small and everyone wore name tags...every Sunday!! That way visitors would get to know them easily and I like that idea. They had a board where they would leave their name tags at before they went home.
 
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Oh I LOVE that idea! I think at least the leadership and any church staff should do that. These people do have a welcome window but you have to actually *go up to it* lol terrifying for a socially inept person. I did actually do that one Sunday and they offered me a shirt and a Bible and invited me to small groups which was nice but I don't really want church merch, I just want to make friends. Also there have been a couple of ladies who introduced themselves to me and one of them was Bonnie but I can't figure out which one it was, so I have avoided those two because I don't know what the other one's name was and I don't want to ask LOL...

I have issues :LOL:
 

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Oh I LOVE that idea! I think at least the leadership and any church staff should do that. These people do have a welcome window but you have to actually *go up to it* lol terrifying for a socially inept person. I did actually do that one Sunday and they offered me a shirt and a Bible and invited me to small groups which was nice but I don't really want church merch, I just want to make friends. Also there have been a couple of ladies who introduced themselves to me and one of them was Bonnie but I can't figure out which one it was, so I have avoided those two because I don't know what the other one's name was and I don't want to ask LOL...

I have issues :LOL:

We have a lot of older people in my church and I know a couple of times that the ones with dementia have forgotten my name. Name tags would help out at my church for sure. But then we'd forget to put them on LOL

As for Bonnie, you could always call out her name and see which one turns her head??
 
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Lol that's a good idea. I am pretty sure I know which is which...and I am sure they would not be offended if I got it wrong.
 

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Lol that's a good idea. I am pretty sure I know which is which...and I am sure they would not be offended if I got it wrong.

You can also stand close and soon someone will call out one of their names...that's what I do sometimes :)
 
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