My purpose in life

[king of the unknown]

I close my eyes and I wonder. Where will my life go?

I remember a person asked me to write uplifting stories about my life. I then sat down and thought. I thought for days and days. My life has many stories. I have one uplifting story and that is it. That is all I could think up. I am ashamed. I have always been a happy person making positive of negative situations. I have little to be proud about.

I like to think that the fact most of my stories don't have good endings is because they don't have any ending at all.

Why is this important because I don't know where to go. I am stuck. I don't have a job. Every job I have had ended in either failure or power beyond my control. My anxiety has gotten so bad that I am afraid to even go look for a job on my own. I am to afraid to go to a free clinic for medical help. I tell myself I need help but I can't get the help I need.

I feel trapped. I feel like there is nothing I can do to get free. Everyday I become more paranoid and afraid that I will be stuck forever.

Every other day I don't sleep enough and the other nights I crash. I often fill sick and sometimes I can't eat. I often find my hand shaking uncontrollably.


So here I am. I am waiting. Just waiting. Hoping for something. I don't know what but I am still waiting.

I am of you know what I am suppose to do let me know.

 

[Tigger]

Hang in there buddy it will get better.

 

[ValleyGal]

Does it all seem a little overwhelming to you, trying to figure it all out at once? If so, it might help to break things down into manageable tasks. First things first... imo, the first thing you should do is go to a mental health clinic and have an assessment for anxiety. If you have a diagnosis, you can then figure how to manage its treatment. And addressing this will be the most important thing because if you do have something diagnosable, then the longer you wait, the harder it will be to recover.

Once you figure that out, it might help to slow your brain down. Is the reason you can't sleep that your brain is too active and you have trouble quieting it? Meditating for even a few minutes several times a day can help with this... choose a quiet spot and dim the lights, close your eyes, and focus all your mental energy on Jesus, one aspect of his character, maybe a short Bible verse, or a praise phrase, and focus just on that one thing. The Bible says to think on things that are right, lovely, good, etc. So spend 5 minutes, 4 times a day doing just that. And while you do, make sure to take in deep, relaxing breaths. Hopefully meditating will help calm your mind so you can manage a good sleeping routine. Make sure to go to bed at the same time every night, and wake up at the same time every morning. Even if you lay there in the dark, go to bed. Do some of that meditating as you lay there...it might help you to calm your mind so you can fall asleep.

Imo, doing those couple of things is a good place to start. Once you have your anxiety under control and you can manage your sleeping, then you might want to take a look at your job/career path. See what kinds of programs are available in your area where they will help you look at your personality, your aptitude, your skills, talents, interests, etc, and how that will translate to a fulfilling career. They can also take a look at your previous work history and pinpoint why nothing has worked out so far... might not even be your "fault" so nothing to worry about.

One thing you can be sure of is this. God created you in your specific context for a reason... he gave you specific parents with just the right dna mix, the right environment, the right town, country and schools, etc. The Bible says that God formed us while we were in our mother's womb, but he does not stop there - he works our circumstances and our environment to work out his purpose, to raise you up in the way you should go. Sometimes we just need a little help taking an objective look at what God might be doing, and how he might be directing us simply by looking at who we are, and what we are suited for in terms of career, relationships, community, etc. But for now, don't worry so much about that until your anxiety is under control and you are able to sleep regularly.

 

[psalms 91]

It will get better is the truth, you may be so overwhelmed that you dont think so but believe someone who has been in many dark places throughout life and come out the other side, it will get better.

 

[Lamb]

Your username says a lot...king of the unknown.

I think it's the unknown that scares us a lot. We don't know our future and that is terrifying. For me, it got easier once I got out of my 20s and then again after my 30s. I'm not sure why I love being in the 40s so much, but I'm so much calmer and happier even when my husband's job was at jeopardy and we had to move far away from family and friends. I'm still good with it all.

It's okay to be scared. It's okay to have a good cry because things are getting you down.

But then, move ahead, don't look back! Keep your eyes on your goals. You're a child of God and He has plans for you.

I close my eyes and I wonder. Where will my life go?

I remember a person asked me to write uplifting stories about my life. I then sat down and thought. I thought for days and days. My life has many stories. I have one uplifting story and that is it. That is all I could think up. I am ashamed. I have always been a happy person making positive of negative situations. I have little to be proud about.

I like to think that the fact most of my stories don't have good endings is because they don't have any ending at all.

Why is this important because I don't know where to go. I am stuck. I don't have a job. Every job I have had ended in either failure or power beyond my control. My anxiety has gotten so bad that I am afraid to even go look for a job on my own. I am to afraid to go to a free clinic for medical help. I tell myself I need help but I can't get the help I need.

I feel trapped. I feel like there is nothing I can do to get free. Everyday I become more paranoid and afraid that I will be stuck forever.

Every other day I don't sleep enough and the other nights I crash. I often fill sick and sometimes I can't eat. I often find my hand shaking uncontrollably.


So here I am. I am waiting. Just waiting. Hoping for something. I don't know what but I am still waiting.

I am of you know what I am suppose to do let me know.