Minor but frustrating--how to know if something really is wrong?

[LovebirdsFlying]

I'll give my husband some piece of information, and even if he verbally acknowledges it, a few minutes later he'll ask a question or make a statement that indicates he didn't hear a word I said. I don't know whether it's short term memory loss, or difficulty hearing which he refuses to have investigated, or he just doesn't listen to me. I've heard it said, in varying degrees of seriousness, that husbands really are hard-wired to tune out their wives' voices.

A shining example just happened.

It was getting to be time to feed the cats, but I needed to take care of something personal first. On the way to the restroom, I pass by my husband who is waking up. He says hello. I say hello back and then tell him I haven't fed the cats yet, but I'll do that shortly. I then take care of my business. As I pass by him again, he asks, "Have the cats been fed yet?"

Um, what did I just tell him not two minutes ago?

I could make allowances for the fact that he's just waking up, but this happens ALL. THE. TIME. I've stopped reminding him that I already told him whatever, and I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm just going to have to tell him everything at least twice.

He gets a routine physical every so often to keep his commercial driver's license updated. Part of that is a preliminary hearing test, but he thinks that's enough to show there is nothing wrong with his hearing, and he refuses to schedule a more thorough one. Is there anything I can say or do to convince him to at least have it looked at?

 

[Inkachu]

Has he undergone a thorough mental evaluation recently? I'm not being facetious, but it may be worth checking out. I know you've said he has some issues (Asperger's-like?) so communication is tough for him anyway. There are quite a few neurological things that could be going on, but you'd need a specialist to really examine him thoroughly, not just a general family doctor.

Did he acknowledge your comment about the cats, or did he just sort of mumble a hello back to you? Maybe next time you need to follow it up with a "did you hear me? OK, repeat back to me what I just said".

 

[psalms 91]

He reallyshould be checkedout, there are to many things it may be to just say this or that and it could be that he is not paying attention all the time

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Thanks, I'll see what I can convince him to do. Maybe I can say something to his doctor privately? Or would that be going behind his back?

 

[Inkachu]

Why wouldn't you tell your husband about it?

 

[Ruth]

I don't know what to say, I had the same problem with a friend. I would tell him something and he would ask me about it later as if I had never said anything. I thought it was a memory problem but really don't know. I would think your husband needs a check on his memory and hearing.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Why wouldn't you tell your husband about it?

Well, it's not that I'm trying to hide anything, but since he doesn't recognize that there is a problem, he's not going to ask the doctor about it. If I brought the problem to her attention myself, would that be stepping on his toes or going behind his back?