Major changes ahead

tango

... and you shall live ...
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I've posted a few times in the prayer threads about my wife and I exploring a possible calling but never gone into details because there were a few unknowns. We don't fit neatly into boxes in a few ways, so we couldn't be sure whether doors would open or close. We figured if it was truly a calling from God they would open regardless, and if it wasn't then there were many ways doors might close on us.

Today it became clear doors are swinging open.

Some months ago we came to believe God was calling us to open our home to those who needed a safe place. As of today we are officially approved as foster and/or adoptive parents. Feel free to pray that we will be matched with the right child or children, and that God will see us through the changes it will represent for us as we do this.
 

Lämmchen

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That's awesome news!! I had friends who fostered for years and one word of advice they gave everyone is to do a head check for lice before the children step into your door.

You will surely be a blessing to the children in need :)
 

Krissy Cakes

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Awesome and congrats! :love:

I'm praying for you and your wife. :)
 

NewCreation435

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I've posted a few times in the prayer threads about my wife and I exploring a possible calling but never gone into details because there were a few unknowns. We don't fit neatly into boxes in a few ways, so we couldn't be sure whether doors would open or close. We figured if it was truly a calling from God they would open regardless, and if it wasn't then there were many ways doors might close on us.

Today it became clear doors are swinging open.

Some months ago we came to believe God was calling us to open our home to those who needed a safe place. As of today we are officially approved as foster and/or adoptive parents. Feel free to pray that we will be matched with the right child or children, and that God will see us through the changes it will represent for us as we do this.
I worked in the foster parent therapeutic foster parents program at a private agency for a couple of years. I had the privilege of writing the adoption home study for at least five families that led to kids being adopted. It made me feel like things went full circle since I am adopted myself. The foster parent/adoption system needs good parents.
 

tango

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I worked in the foster parent therapeutic foster parents program at a private agency for a couple of years. I had the privilege of writing the adoption home study for at least five families that led to kids being adopted. It made me feel like things went full circle since I am adopted myself. The foster parent/adoption system needs good parents.

We really liked what our family worker said about us. Because everything is shut down we couldn't meet her in person so did the final meeting over a video link. We left the link active but with microphones muted while we read the profile, but then suddenly she unmuted and said something like "OK guys, which bit are you reading" because we both started laughing.

In our extended family, including step-family, I can think of at least five people who were adopted. Maybe we'll increase the count a little.

One of the couples who wrote a reference for us said they'd read some statistics that showed if every church in the country were to adopt one child, there would be no children waiting for adoption. It's a sobering thought, if all it would take to provide every child with a family is one family in every church to adopt one child.
 

Josiah

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VERY cool!

Thank you!



.
 

NewCreation435

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We really liked what our family worker said about us. Because everything is shut down we couldn't meet her in person so did the final meeting over a video link. We left the link active but with microphones muted while we read the profile, but then suddenly she unmuted and said something like "OK guys, which bit are you reading" because we both started laughing.

In our extended family, including step-family, I can think of at least five people who were adopted. Maybe we'll increase the count a little.

One of the couples who wrote a reference for us said they'd read some statistics that showed if every church in the country were to adopt one child, there would be no children waiting for adoption. It's a sobering thought, if all it would take to provide every child with a family is one family in every church to adopt one child.
At least in the U.S. many kids in foster care get moved around a lot. I've known kids who had been in over two dozen homes while in foster care. The system ends up at times traumatizing kids even more than they already were.
That's why for the agency I was in, we tried to talk the parents out of it if they signed up to be foster parents. We were as transparent as possible and let them know the kids we work with have problems and aren't always sweet and cute. If they were still around by the end of training they were really committed.
 

tango

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At least in the U.S. many kids in foster care get moved around a lot. I've known kids who had been in over two dozen homes while in foster care. The system ends up at times traumatizing kids even more than they already were.
That's why for the agency I was in, we tried to talk the parents out of it if they signed up to be foster parents. We were as transparent as possible and let them know the kids we work with have problems and aren't always sweet and cute. If they were still around by the end of training they were really committed.

When we did the first of eight training sessions the presenter said she had sometimes given that talk to groups of up to 10-12 couples and often thought that unless at least one or two of them disappeared during the break and didn't return she wasn't doing her job properly.

Nobody ever specifically tried to talk us out of it but there has never been any doubt that some of the kids have suffered some major traumas and aren't going to be little angels. One thing that we think is really good with our agency - I don't know if this is a universal thing or not - is that they explicitly ask foster parents to maintain regular contact with them and raise issues long before they give notice to move a child on. If the parents do give notice to move a child then, once the child is moved, the parents are required to attend meetings to figure what went wrong and how problems might be handled earlier to avoid a repeat. Until that process is complete they don't place any more children with you.
 

NewCreation435

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When we did the first of eight training sessions the presenter said she had sometimes given that talk to groups of up to 10-12 couples and often thought that unless at least one or two of them disappeared during the break and didn't return she wasn't doing her job properly.

Nobody ever specifically tried to talk us out of it but there has never been any doubt that some of the kids have suffered some major traumas and aren't going to be little angels. One thing that we think is really good with our agency - I don't know if this is a universal thing or not - is that they explicitly ask foster parents to maintain regular contact with them and raise issues long before they give notice to move a child on. If the parents do give notice to move a child then, once the child is moved, the parents are required to attend meetings to figure what went wrong and how problems might be handled earlier to avoid a repeat. Until that process is complete they don't place any more children with you.
That sounds like a good policy. I don't know if there was a formal policy about it at the agency that I worked with. Our small private agency had me and two other people overseeing the program, so it was small. I licensed or relicensed every foster parent since their license is good for two years and then has to be renewed. We had monthly trainings that we offered which I led and quarterly assessments of our parents. So, we knew our parents pretty well.
 

tango

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That sounds like a good policy. I don't know if there was a formal policy about it at the agency that I worked with. Our small private agency had me and two other people overseeing the program, so it was small. I licensed or relicensed every foster parent since their license is good for two years and then has to be renewed. We had monthly trainings that we offered which I led and quarterly assessments of our parents. So, we knew our parents pretty well.

Our family worker has got to know us really well. I think our license needs to be renewed every 12 months and there are training requirements we have to meet every year. I don't think we have quarterly assessments, although when we get the first child in our care they will have regular visits from one of the workers. I think the frequency of the visits depends on the level of need of the child.
 

NewCreation435

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Our family worker has got to know us really well. I think our license needs to be renewed every 12 months and there are training requirements we have to meet every year. I don't think we have quarterly assessments, although when we get the first child in our care they will have regular visits from one of the workers. I think the frequency of the visits depends on the level of need of the child.
Our agency did weekly visits for therapeutic foster kids and social services does monthly visits for kids in regular foster care. Therapeutic foster care here is that the kid has a mental health diagnosis and has a person centered plan with goals on it related to their mental health diagnosis. In the past, we have had kids who have PTSD, bipolar and anxiety, social anxiety and depression and suicidal ideation and gestures and running away behavior.
 

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I've posted a few times in the prayer threads about my wife and I exploring a possible calling but never gone into details because there were a few unknowns. We don't fit neatly into boxes in a few ways, so we couldn't be sure whether doors would open or close. We figured if it was truly a calling from God they would open regardless, and if it wasn't then there were many ways doors might close on us.

Today it became clear doors are swinging open.

Some months ago we came to believe God was calling us to open our home to those who needed a safe place. As of today we are officially approved as foster and/or adoptive parents. Feel free to pray that we will be matched with the right child or children, and that God will see us through the changes it will represent for us as we do this.

That's wonderful, and congratulations on being approved!
 

tango

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That's wonderful, and congratulations on being approved!

Thanks :)

Now we just need to wait for the first child. Apparently it can take a while, although that's just as well because I still need a few more days to finish some building work.

The room I've been describing in the "What are you doing?" thread will be the first room we finish rebuilding in the house, and it's earmarked to be a kiddo's bedroom.
 

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Thanks :)

Now we just need to wait for the first child. Apparently it can take a while, although that's just as well because I still need a few more days to finish some building work.

The room I've been describing in the "What are you doing?" thread will be the first room we finish rebuilding in the house, and it's earmarked to be a kiddo's bedroom.

Trust that God will bring the right child at the right time! Use any waiting time to keep praying and preparing :) I'm really excited for you.
 

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Foster parenting is intense and it will test your every fiber of patience, mercy and grace. I pray that God gives daily grace to you and your wife, tango, as you seek to honor God in this much needed role.
Your own sinfulness and human frailty will be exposed to you as God heals both you and the child he gives you. Be ready for the battle...and the blessings. You're now on the frontlines.
May God go before you and give you great courage.
 

tango

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Trust that God will bring the right child at the right time! Use any waiting time to keep praying and preparing :) I'm really excited for you.

The process is interesting - there's a public web site that shows some of the kids needing homes but naturally a public site only gives a very small amount of information about them. Sometimes a child looks interesting on the site but a more detailed inquiry shows some of the challenges associated with them.

We alternate between excited and terrified.... which I gather is natural :)
 

tango

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Foster parenting is intense and it will test your every fiber of patience, mercy and grace. I pray that God gives daily grace to you and your wife, tango, as you seek to honor God in this much needed role.
Your own sinfulness and human frailty will be exposed to you as God heals both you and the child he gives you. Be ready for the battle...and the blessings. You're now on the frontlines.
May God go before you and give you great courage.

Thanks - it feels like we've been near the frontlines during the training and processing, which has been intense. Normally the training sessions span 4-6 weeks but we went through the entire course in 8 days. As soon as the first child arrives I suspect we'll transition from a metaphorical skirmish to full-on battle.

We've seen a couple of kids who need homes who look like they may be of interest. From what we understand of the process the chances are pretty good we'll end up with none of them, but you never know. Slow small steps, and trust that God will open and close doors as appropriate.
 
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