Is my reply right about addiction?

[Iron Mountain Mark]

I wrote something to someone concerning someone else who reached out in a online forum looking for help. I was asked if I heard back from the person, because I answered his post.
This is what I wrote, beside the grammar do you think what I wrote was right? Here is the email.

(my reply)
Unfortunately, no he did not. I thought maybe it was legit and He was reaching out in desperation, but there were some things he wrote that lead me to believe He is still under the power of addiction. Most want out when they are sober, but because of the devastation the occurs in addiction it becomes like jail bars keeping them in. So, you become self-defeated and reside to live in the bondage that you created for yourself although that is not how you will present yourself to others because you do not want to look stupid. (simply pride)

I had thoughts that he may be playing on the kindness of believers to get help, but maybe not God's help, but a way to get some money. I had hope not, but also knew that could be the case too.

Only God's intervention can get a person out of addiction completely, and not changing one addiction for another, at least that is what I have come to believe. I did not see indications of him trying to reach out for that in his writing.

If that intervention is a miraculous healing of that addiction where there is no desire for alcohol or drugs. Or a Christian treatment place that opens up a new life to you, including introducing you to responsibility, it will be God leading you into it and you will see some sign of repentance or leaning into God which I didn't see but, just blaming others for the condition of his life.

That responsibility part becomes the stumbling block, because in the course of time specially for young folks getting involved with drug use it is an area of life that becomes lost to them. The years they spend partying and then addicted they are losing years of learning and coping skills in dealing with life compared to their peers who did not choose that for their life. Being able to be responsible is hard to maintain and they keep failing at even some of the basic skills needed for stability in life. This adds to the self-defeat and the reliance on the drugs to medicate the pain of inadequacy.

I believe most get introduced to drugs during a painful time in their lives whatever that may be for them. And then the alcohol and drug use become the way to medicate themselves. For you or me it may be something different that we may find to medicate ourselves with, but hopefully as you follow the Lord you learn to take your pain to Him and He teaches you how to cope with it so the sin of trying to do it some other way isn't destroying your life.

And if you end up being unlucky to have an enabler for a time period in your life, like a mom, dad, spouse, relative, or friend the behavior can really get cemented into your life because the full extent of your consequences is seemly postponed for now. Instead of hitting the wall with nowhere to go you have someone helping you to exist on that level, even though we can't imagine it being much of an existence. It is enough though to allow them to stay there and depend on someone else avoiding having to face God and the truth.

This is just my observation, only Jesus can save us. We can help direct someone there. I also believe the emotional door and the drugs together can open you up demonic oppression or possession and some will actually need deliverance (casting out demons) to get completely free. In our society as long as these unnatural or not right behaviors are diagnosis as some mental illnesses the reality of that is hidden. Until, they act out destroying something or hurting someone or taking life and then it can be too late. Maybe not for the individual to be redeemed but for the victims who suffer because of the individual's violence.

Hope you are doing good! And catching up on rest.

Mark

 

[ValleyGal]

Addictions is a complicated matter. For sure, those who misuse substances are self-medicating, but not in the way you suggest. Almost all (more than 98%, iirc) have had a childhood trauma, and that is what they are trying to medicate. They do not need to suffer the consequences of their choices - they do that every time they come down from their use, likely every day. Their dependency is physical.

Telling them about Jesus and how he can save them is likely not going to be welcomed until you show them his love. Most, if not all, people who use have some sort of attachment injury, and between the attachment injury and their childhood trauma, that is what needs to be addressed first. You can do this by showing unconditional positive regard for them, by anticipating and meeting their needs (not just for warm mittens on a cold winter day or in a soup kitchen, but for attachment), by showing them that they matter to you. Show them Jesus - that is, be to them what Jesus was to his friends. He served them, he sacrificed for them, he showed them the fruits of his Spirit.

In your email response you say "you become self-defeated and reside to live in the bondage that you created for yourself although that is not how you will present yourself to others because you do not want to look stupid. (simply pride)" It is not about a bondage they create for themselves or about self-defeat; addictions is more than that. They were set up for this path by a number of factors - the person who crushed their spirit, the systems that keep them there, the systems that destroyed the person who traumatized this person to start with (generational). Trauma changes the very cells in your body, and these changes pass on to the next generation, so they carry generation after generation of trauma in their dna, which also sets them up for addictions. And is is not about presenting in a certain way as to not look stupid (pride); it is about real trauma, the crushed spirit of the inner child.

So my advice is to educate yourself on the devastation of trauma, especially attachment injuries, and then educate yourself on the nature of addictions. There are really great speakers on Youtube, like Gabor Mate, a physician who spent many years in the trenches of Vancouver's Downtown East Side. My next advice is to check yourself regarding assumptions and judgements (which all of us do, based on how we are encultured), and develop endless compassion for them - not pity, though. And once that is in place, then to reach out, listen to their stories, let them "attach" to you by way of you being attuned to them and resonating with them on a deep, empathetic level. Get in touch with your own feelings of intense pain and suffering so you can feel it with them.

One last piece of advice: take a course such as Freedom Session by Ken Dyck. This will help you understand the nature of your own addictions and/or other coping mechanisms that are not healthy. It is a program that will develop humility as you recognize your own hurts, habits and hangups, even if they are not the result of intense trauma. The three main ingredients when considering addictions: understanding (addictions, trauma, human nature, and your own assumptions and judgements), compassion, and humility.