Helicopter parents

[Lamb]

I was reading about how other countries think that Americans hover over their children too much. American mothers sit facing their children as they sit chatting whereas Swiss turn their backs to the children to talk to their friends.

Do you think Americans are too concerned about the welfare of their children?

 

[NewCreation435]

I may have somewhat of a different viewpoint because in my face to face therapy practice I see kids who were abuse and neglected. I don't think Americans hover over their kids in an unnecessary way. In fact, many parents don't at all and don't give their children the attention they crave. When a kid doesn't get attention for good things they end up craving it so much they will turn to bad things to get attention.

 

[Lamb]

I think it depends on which class and whether the parents are married makes a difference too. I was a room parent at my daughter's school (for her class and another class where no parents would volunteer), a Girl Scout Leader for 7 years and a substitute teacher (mostly for high school).

In my experience from the midwest where we lived, parents who were divorced didn't have as tight a reign on the children.

Those in middle class had the most helicopter parents who were involved in every step of their children's lives. Those with more money were less so and I couldn't figure out why that was. Those with less money worked more so they weren't around as much and when they were they were exhausted after working a more labor intensive job than the middle class parents who might have worked.

It wasn't just mothers who were super involved in their children's lives. Dads were just as cautious about letting the children go to parks by themselves or riding their bikes up and down the street.

 

[psalms 91]

There needs to be a balance between hovering and lack of any control. Those in the middle are usually the ones who turn out well. There is good reason to not want to let your child go but they also need some freedom as well. They will never learn otherwise things they need to know to survive as adults.

 

[tango]

I have to wonder whether divorced parents are more prone to be lax with the rules because they don't want the children coming to think it's more fun to be with the other parent. Kids play parents off against each other at the best of times and when there's no way for Daddy to verify the claim that "Mummy lets me...." he has to decide whether to risk being too lax and letting the kids outplay him, or being too strict and letting the kids think he's no fun because there are too many rules there.

I also don't think helicopter parents do their kids any favors. They may think they are making sure their offspring gets the best chance but all that style of parenting does is leave the kids utterly unprepared for the first time they have to face a situation on their own. Just like children need to face consequences for bad behavior before it escalates and the police get involved, so they need to learn to fend for themselves sooner or later because Mummy and Daddy can't always be there to answer questions for them if they struggle.

Sometimes I wonder whether the way kids seem to be suffering from ever-rising stress levels is a combination of parents who won't look up from their phones when the kids are wanting attention, and parents who insist on doing everything so the kids never learn to work stuff out for themselves, leaving the kids feeling abandoned in a world they don't know how to interact with.