- Jun 14, 2015
- Religious Affiliation
- Political Affiliation
- Marital Status
- Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
As a newlywed myself, I believe that marriage is a bond, a covenant. There is no more "me" or "you" - it has been replaced with US. Like the two natures of Christ, we are united, inseparable. In our ceremony, we did the "candle" thing. Our parents lit the two candles - representing to TWO of us. But after the pastor declared US a COUPLE, WE went forward and TOGETHER lit the ONE marriage candle and (just as important!) blew out the individual (ME) candles. There is no more me. There is now us.
PART of the reason God set it up this way, IMO, is PRECISELY because sin exists, problems exist, we live together in a fallen word full of evil, injustice, wrong, ego. THUS, WE are joined.... together.... united. "For better or for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health." If the world was one big rose garden, if we all lived out our lives on the good ship lollipop, if sin and evil and wrong didn't exist - THIS reason for marriage wouldn't exist.
I believe that two things TERMINATE the covenant, the bond: adultery and desertion (one spouse LEAVING or forcing the other to LEAVE). I'd place the "bar" high for both. They BREAK the bond..... but the spouses could respond with repentance/forgiveness and restore it..... OR....... (God permits REGRETFULLY, SADLY, because of sin) publicly declare the marriage ended (divorce). I reject the ideas of "we are having difficulties..... she got fat on me.... we have too much debt..... I think my coworker is sexier.... he wants sex too often.... he turned out to be a sinner..... she never converted to my church..... he likes Trump.... this is just too much work.... I like the sex with neighbor better..... he doesn't make enough money.... the kids are a pain..... I don't feel that twinkle feeling much anymore....." or any of a host of "reasons". I don't think God acknowledges any of these, and I don't think any of these terminates the bond (and thus there is no "divorce" - in spite of what some secular court may say). Love is unconditional. Christ's love for us is the biblical model.... God's commitment to us is the model.... Love gives, sacrifices, endures. It reveals itself when BAD happens.
Now.... I realize.... the reality of sin, evil, wrong, problems and the reality that the WE is by nature sinful, the two halves of the WE will - at times - make a royal mess of things. Shuck it up to immaturity and sinfulness. But hopefully, LOVE and a bit (even a tiny bit) of maturity calls us back.... and WE work to restore things. Reconciliation is an essential skill in all relationships, but no more than in marriage. It TOO is work..... but (and here's my point)... it ONLY happens among the WE's that are commited to each other, who consider the reality the WE and not the ME. WE ARE together.... thus WE work this out. When WE is replaced with ME, then it's a war - about how the ME can win and defeat the enemy; such a "marriage" is in big trouble - they forgot the covenant, the bond.... they deleted the WE. But yes..... sometimes couples DO forget and reject that...... sometimes couples DO make a royal MESS of things...... sometimes couples delete love and replace it with hate..... sometimes couples go to war and hurt each other so badly, so deeply (remember sin and immaturity) that even God in heaven above is going to have one ____ of a time repairing it. In those cases, "divorce" may be an option - an admission of just what a mess they made of things. A very, very, very sad thing..... and I'm not at all sure God recognizes it (although He may forgive such!). Marriage is an adult thing.
My half cent....
On a PERSONAL note, Army Wife, I'm very sad about this.... and added you two to my prayer journal.....
Marriage requires TWO to form, but only one to terminate..... desertion can terminate, and that's when one LEAVES (and that doesn't necessarily mean physically). I HOPE some of what I said before comes into primary focus... I HOPE counseling is accepted and that it helps (it WILL help - 100% guarenteed - IF the WE wants it to..... it's a waste of time if a ME has left)....
When you joined to each other, it was mutually promised "For better and for worse." Thousand of years of married couples added that part to the ceremony because worse comes. And THAT'S when you need marriage..... that's when you need the humility and love..... that's when the WE (and not me) becomes critical. Relationships are always work WHEN the going gets rough (and it will). It's what makes the relationship valuable - it forms the bond that makes reconciliation (and growth!) possible. Where relationship doesn't exist... where love doesn't exist.... where WE doesn't exist..... where egoism matters.... problems come and folks give each other the figure and move on. Marriage is for adults. Marriage will be work. Most things of value are.... do..... Here is an opportunity to grow, to apply in very practical and real ways the LOVE that brought you together. But I realize..... none of that cancels out the pain, the hurt. And since often it's only HALF of the WE that is leaving, it can be incredibly frustrating to the other half, a deep sense of powerlessness. No one can be forced to marry - or stay married, as much as our whole being desires such. It takes two to get married but only one to end it.
Since my husband wants one I am here to ask what the bible says about divorce? It hurts me so much that he is a so called "Christian" and he wants a divorce.