Don't want to marry

Jason

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2019
Messages
200
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Single
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
Whenever marriage topic comes up i get very angry, i am not interested in getting married. I feel this is due to my inferiority complex, fear and shyness. I don't have a strong confidence in myself so don't want to move to a family life.

Is it bad to stay Single and live a Christian life? I know there is a verse saying "It is not good for the man to be alone"
 

Lämmchen

God's Lil Lamb
Community Team
Administrator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 10, 2015
Messages
21,641
Age
53
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
Whenever marriage topic comes up i get very angry, i am not interested in getting married. I feel this is due to my inferiority complex, fear and shyness. I don't have a strong confidence in myself so don't want to move to a family life.

Is it bad to stay Single and live a Christian life? I know there is a verse saying "It is not good for the man to be alone"
I don't think it's bad to stay single. Remember also that you might change your mind one day and I think society has really let up on forcing people to get married and if you're a bachelor for a long time it doesn't bring about a negative connotation.
 

Jason

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2019
Messages
200
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Single
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
Parents worry is that i may suffer very badly when i am alone. I understand what it is to be Single and the difficulties.
 

Tigger

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
1,436
Age
59
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Marital Status
Married
It’s better to work on our selves before marriage than being in a bad marriage were both parties have unresolved issues.
 
Last edited:

tango

... and you shall live ...
Valued Contributor
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
8,574
Location
Realms of chaos
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
Whenever marriage topic comes up i get very angry, i am not interested in getting married. I feel this is due to my inferiority complex, fear and shyness. I don't have a strong confidence in myself so don't want to move to a family life.

Is it bad to stay Single and live a Christian life? I know there is a verse saying "It is not good for the man to be alone"
There's nothing wrong with being single. It's better to be single than to marry just for the sake of getting married. Why would you commit your future to someone, unless you truly want to spend the rest of your life with that person?

God made Eve so that Adam would have a companion, not so every future man would be obligated to select a companion.
 

Lämmchen

God's Lil Lamb
Community Team
Administrator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 10, 2015
Messages
21,641
Age
53
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
Parents worry is that i may suffer very badly when i am alone. I understand what it is to be Single and the difficulties.
Is it okay if I ask what kind of suffering they think you'll endure? You don't have to answer if it's really private!
 

MennoSota

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 24, 2017
Messages
7,100
Age
49
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Political Affiliation
Moderate
Marital Status
Married
Whenever marriage topic comes up i get very angry, i am not interested in getting married. I feel this is due to my inferiority complex, fear and shyness. I don't have a strong confidence in myself so don't want to move to a family life.

Is it bad to stay Single and live a Christian life? I know there is a verse saying "It is not good for the man to be alone"
Read 1 Corinthians 7.

Just a few excerpts...

1 Corinthians 7:8-9,17,27-28,32,35
To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Only let each person lead the lifethat the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.
Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. I want you to be free from anxieties.
The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.
I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
 

Josiah

simul justus et peccator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2015
Messages
9,410
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
It’s better to work on our selfs before marriage than being in a bad marriage were both parties have unresolved issues.

Amen. Very good point.



AND, there's nothing WRONG with choosing to be single (not in a relationship). I PERSONALLY don't accept the whole "friends with benefits" and "live together" option but certainly many do. But I do accept those who choose to be one (as for example my former priest), for many reasons. St. Paul seemed to have found value and worth in such. A valid option. And of course, we all chose to be single for a period of time..... we may not be ready for such a HUGE responsibility and change...


PERSONALLY, the greatest earthly blessing in my life has been my wife (well, my son too but I would have him without her). As I compare my pre-marriage life (which was a very blessed and happy one) with my life since marriage, there is no comparison, I am SO very, very, very much more blessed, more "whole." And it grows in blessedness every day. I highly recommend marriage, lol (and you can tell my wife I said so).
 

Jason

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2019
Messages
200
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Single
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
Thank you all for the advice. I better spend more time in prayer and understand God's will too.
 

JennyorAlice

Member
Joined
Jun 20, 2019
Messages
6
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Non-Denominational
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
If you don't want to get married, then you don't have to do so. Yes, God created woman because he didn't want to see man be alone. However, it does not say that a man is forced to take a woman and make her his wife. There are verses in the Bible that talk about marriage but none of them say that a man is forced to take a wife.

There may come a day when you'll meet exactly the right person and you may change your mind. If you do, then that's okay. But don't let anyone force you to go out and get married. Don't let anyone force you to marry if you don't want to, especially if it's not something that's going to make you happy. Getting married to someone who you are truly happy with is something that is suppose to be happy....not something that is suppose to make you miserable.
 

Andrew

Site Mentor
Moderator
Supporting Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2017
Messages
4,611
Age
35
Location
Texas
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Single
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
Apostle Paul never married
 

Josiah

simul justus et peccator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2015
Messages
9,410
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
It's good to not let esteem issues and fear HINDER what can be one of God's greatest blessings....

Yes, marriage can go BAD and be a mistake (happens sometimes) and YES, marriage can go very right (happens a lot).

It does take guts.... it does involve a "leap of faith" ... all relationships do.

Enter slowly... and with both eyes open.... and good to get the advise of WISE and Christian friends, and we had professional counseling that was to each of us individually and together. What we do primarily on emotions is often what we do badly. Move not just with the hormones engaged but also the brain.

There are valid (and good) reasons not to marry. And that MAY include also because self isn't responsible or mature enough, or have some "issues" that will hinder even meeting someone: those can be handled (and SHOULD be), and if so, well.... marriage may become a good option. But yes, Paul (and my former Catholic priest) had religious reasons to remain single - and that's valid, too. And when I was a grad student, there was a prof who was single simply because he said he couldn't give his 'all' to his passion (science) AND to his wife/family, so he made a choice. Okay.



.
 

tango

... and you shall live ...
Valued Contributor
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
8,574
Location
Realms of chaos
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
If you don't want to get married, then you don't have to do so. Yes, God created woman because he didn't want to see man be alone. However, it does not say that a man is forced to take a woman and make her his wife. There are verses in the Bible that talk about marriage but none of them say that a man is forced to take a wife.

There may come a day when you'll meet exactly the right person and you may change your mind. If you do, then that's okay. But don't let anyone force you to go out and get married. Don't let anyone force you to marry if you don't want to, especially if it's not something that's going to make you happy. Getting married to someone who you are truly happy with is something that is suppose to be happy....not something that is suppose to make you miserable.
Good point here, there's a difference between "you don't have to be alone" and "you must not be alone"
 

Jason

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2019
Messages
200
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Single
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
What stops me is the fear of facing the future with my wife, with me i am okay with day to day things. But when a new person comes into life you need to dedicate yourself fully. Which i am afraid i don't want to.
 

tango

... and you shall live ...
Valued Contributor
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
8,574
Location
Realms of chaos
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
What stops me is the fear of facing the future with my wife, with me i am okay with day to day things. But when a new person comes into life you need to dedicate yourself fully. Which i am afraid i don't want to.
That sounds like a pretty good reason not to get married. At some point you may find someone you just don't want to live without, at which point your views may change. You may live the rest of your life without wanting to commit fully to one person. There's nothing wrong with either.
 

Jason

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2019
Messages
200
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Single
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
I don't think it's bad to stay single. Remember also that you might change your mind one day and I think society has really let up on forcing people to get married and if you're a bachelor for a long time it doesn't bring about a negative connotation.
It seems what you said to be true, now i am 34 and I suddenly feel that getting married is fine. I don’t know how long this feeling will be true or stay.

To all, kindly guide me. How to go about this, and what should be my daily prayer be?
 

psalms 91

Well-known member
Moderator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 22, 2015
Messages
14,411
Age
71
Location
Pa
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Charismatic
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Your prayer should be God if you have a woman for me bring her into my life. Also church and social gatherings will let you look around.
 

tango

... and you shall live ...
Valued Contributor
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
8,574
Location
Realms of chaos
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
It seems what you said to be true, now i am 34 and I suddenly feel that getting married is fine. I don’t know how long this feeling will be true or stay.

To all, kindly guide me. How to go about this, and what should be my daily prayer be?
I'd advise anyone not to get caught up in the idea that there is a single, specific individual out there who is The One for you and anyone else is second best. It's a quaint notion but an idea that leads to all sorts of turmoil later. Instead ask God for guidance with this. If you enter into a relationship with a woman, let it progress naturally. If you and she decide you can't live without each other it will become apparent in time.

My uncle used to tell me "act in haste, repent at leisure". Don't feel you need to rush, if/when you meet the woman who will become your wife she'll still be there tomorrow.
 

Lämmchen

God's Lil Lamb
Community Team
Administrator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 10, 2015
Messages
21,641
Age
53
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
It seems what you said to be true, now i am 34 and I suddenly feel that getting married is fine. I don’t know how long this feeling will be true or stay.

To all, kindly guide me. How to go about this, and what should be my daily prayer be?
Are you saying a woman is right? :D That means you'll make an excellent husband for someone!

Just know you could change your mind back again too some day. Your daily prayer should ask for God's guidance and will in all this.
 

Jason

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2019
Messages
200
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Single
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
Thank you all for guidance, it is one thing where decision shouldn’t be instantaneous and haste. I will pray for God’s help and consider the points you have given.
 
Top Bottom