How do I ask family member to return an heirloom?

[Wilhemena]

It was 2 years ago that I inherited a family heirloom and another family member graciously offered to keep it at her house until I could find a way to transport it to my own home. We live in separate states and it is a rather large piece that I would not want broken by shipping and until now I have left the item at my family member's home. It is possibly I will be able to find transport soon but how do I bring this up to the family member without causing any hard feelings since she most likely has grown accustomed to having the heirloom at her home and might have even thought I forgot about it? Or she might have even forgotten that it was my inherited piece? I am at a total loss for words in how to approach her and not lose her as a beloved family member.

 

[psalms 91]

Be gentle, just bring it up and see what her reaction is and then go from there.

 

[Lamb]

Be certain she still has the piece and then also be certain you want it back after all this time. People can get attached to things and depending on your relative's age, her memory might not also be the best. Is there a relative nearby who can see if it's still in the house and possibly make a comment about the item to her?

 

[Wilhemena]

Be gentle, just bring it up and see what her reaction is and then go from there.

Thank you but could you tell me what wording you would use because I'm all tongue-tied when it comes to this.

 

[Wilhemena]

Be certain she still has the piece and then also be certain you want it back after all this time. People can get attached to things and depending on your relative's age, her memory might not also be the best. Is there a relative nearby who can see if it's still in the house and possibly make a comment about the item to her?

I'm fairly certain she would have kept this piece but none of us have been out there for a visit to know for sure and I am not in contact with another relative who lives the closest to her.

 

[Lamb]

I think I would call her up and say, "I'll be in your area soon and am making plans to bring back the ____ with me. You've been so nice in letting me store it there and I wanted you to know how much I appreciate it. Is there a day or time that is best to stop by and pick it up? It will be nice to visit with you for a bit too."

 

[Wilhemena]

That really helps, Lammchen and I have to say I was hoping that more responses would have been given to me.

 

[Lamb]

That really helps, Lammchen and I have to say I was hoping that more responses would have been given to me.

I'm sorry The site has been slow this week and that happens on boards especially when the weather gets nicer and people are outside more. I hope things work out with your relative!

 

[psalms 91]

Yeah sorry I didnt get back to you, just saw it, I think Lamms response is perfect

 

[tango]

That really helps, Lammchen and I have to say I was hoping that more responses would have been given to me.

It's hard to come up with a specific form of words without knowing you better, your general approach or style etc.

If your relative has come to regard the heirloom as being hers (whether by hoping you forgot it or by genuinely forgetting she was keeping it on your behalf) then the most likely issue is resistance to letting go of it at all. If she truly believes it to be hers you may find she won't let go of it (if positions were reversed would you give up an heirloom that you truly believed was yours?) in which case you'd have to decide whether to simply accept she has it or fight for it.

If she recognises that it belongs to you there may not be an issue at all. Either way an approach like the one Lamm suggested (obviously worded in your own way) addresses the situation where she hoped you'd forgotten, the situation where she forgot it was yours, and the situation where she accepts it's yours.

Of course another possibility, as you mentioned the item is quite large, is that she'll be glad to have it out of her house. Years ago a family member agreed to keep a few things for me that I had inherited but didn't have space for (the family member was elderly and lived on her own in an enormous house, so it's not like she didn't have the space). It was only some time later I realised she had come to resent keeping the items for me, even though I put them in a dark corner of her house where as far as I know she never even went. I think her problem was that she was afraid someone would steal them, and by then it was easier to just keep them somewhere else than explain all the whys and wherefores to her.

 

[Wilhemena]

I wanted to return to give thanks for helping me work through this dilemma and I have reached out to my relative who, although cannot remember what she had for lunch does remember that this heirloom is mine. She is eager to see me again when I visit to pick up the piece and I am equally excited to keep in touch with her again.

 

[psalms 91]

So glad that it worked out for you

 

[tango]

Excellent news, glad it turned out not to be an issue

 

[Wilhemena]

I wanted to write that I am tickled pink after my travels and visiting my long time relative and we will be keeping in touch by email from now on and she was happy that the heirloom will have a special spot in my home. There I was thinking the worst but everything worked out better than I ever could have possibly imagined and all it took was a bit of coaxing from strangers to boost my confidence enough to take the initial step. Thank you my dear friends.

 

[MoreCoffee]

I wanted to write that I am tickled pink after my travels and visiting my long time relative and we will be keeping in touch by email from now on and she was happy that the heirloom will have a special spot in my home. There I was thinking the worst but everything worked out better than I ever could have possibly imagined and all it took was a bit of coaxing from strangers to boost my confidence enough to take the initial step. Thank you my dear friends.

It is good that all worked out for the best. God is gracious.

 

[Lamb]

That's great news! Did you already decide where you'll display the heirloom?

 

[tango]

Would you be willing to say more about the heirloom? We've been referring to it in generic terms, are you happy to share a little more about it?

No worries if you'd rather not (I wouldn't describe anything particularly valuable on an Internet forum) but if you are I'd be curious to know more.

 

[Josiah]

Ditto what MoreCoffee, Tango and Lamm said....

 

[IACOBVS]

That really helps, Lammchen and I have to say I was hoping that more responses would have been given to me.

Meh... just go to her to her place, grab it, and punch her hard between the eyes if she puts up a fight.

 

[IACOBVS]

Oh... it was resolved peacefully. Darn.