Does Jesus Hate Children?

[Josiah]

What?

"The result of sin is death." The Bible states that for humans anyway, death is a consequence of sin.

All die.

Yup. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." The Bible does NOT say, "For all sin but for those under the age of X, God just winks at 'em and so none under that age ever die."

An infant has nothing to repent of

"For all have sinned...."
"I was sinful at my birth..." Psalm 51:5
"Every inclination of the heart is evil from childhood." Genesis 8:21
"Death has come to all people because all have sinned." Romans 5:12

There is no verse, "Those under the Age of X are perfect, holy and meet all the standards of God and thus never die."


Back to the point: Must we ASSUME that those under the of X are left out of God's heart, work, purposes and blessings because God doesn't think much of them? Is this supported by what the Bible says? See the opening post.



- Josiah



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[popsthebuilder]

"The result of sin is death." The Bible states that for humans anyway, death is a consequence of sin.






Yup. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." The Bible does NOT say, "For all sin but for those under the age of X, God just winks at 'em and so none under that age ever die."


Back to the point: Must we ASSUME that those under the of X are left out of God's heart, work, purposes and blessings because God doesn't think much of them? Is this supported by what the Bible says? See the opening post.

No and no

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[MennoSota]

If a child is unable to sin or understand then for GOD to destroy them eternally or worse; torture them eternally would be wholly amoral and against the will of a benevolent merciful all knowing GOD.

I DO NOT WORSHIP SUCH.

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You struggle with God saying we are born in sin.
Psalm 51:5-6 "For I was born a sinner - yes, from the moment my mother conceived me. But you desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there."
Verse 7 (grace) "Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me and I will be whiter than snow."
It's all about God and His choice to extend grace. Your opinion and my opinion about His choice does not affect God's will even in the least.
However, let God's word determine the attributes of God rather than our empty opinions.
It seems that you have created your god in your own image. I will not do such a thing. Let God be God and every man a liar.

 

[popsthebuilder]

You struggle with God saying we are born in sin.
Psalm 51:5-6 "For I was born a sinner - yes, from the moment my mother conceived me. But you desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there."
Verse 7 (grace) "Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me and I will be whiter than snow."
It's all about God and His choice to extend grace. Your opinion and my opinion about His choice does not affect God's will even in the least.
However, let God's word determine the attributes of God rather than our empty opinions.
It seems that you have created your god in your own image. I will not do such a thing. Let God be God and every man a liar.

I struggle with no such thing

I do not believe in an all knowing GOD that punished HIS creation for the way HE created it while they are in ignorance

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[MennoSota]

I struggle with no such thing

I do not believe in an all knowing GOD that punished HIS creation for the way HE created it while they are in ignorance

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You have created your god in your image. This elevates yourself to the supreme god and everything is beneath you.
I appreciate your honesty while recognizing your position to be irrelevant to what the Sovereign Creator will do. Your refusal to acknowledge Him is presently your fate.

 

[popsthebuilder]

You have created your god in your image. This elevates yourself to the supreme god and everything is beneath you.
I appreciate your honesty while recognizing your position to be irrelevant to what the Sovereign Creator will do. Your refusal to acknowledge Him is presently your fate.

You disrespect the origin of my faith and our Savior with your haughty assumptions.

It is good to know you worship a god that tortures his creation for ignorantly being what he created.

May GOD have mercy on your soul.

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[MennoSota]

You disrespect the origin of my faith and our Savior with your haughty assumptions.

It is good to know you worship a god that tortures his creation for ignorantly being what he created.

May GOD have mercy on your soul.

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No, I point out your self appointed haughty position, which God laughs at.
I suggest you read the Bible and accept what God reveals about Himself rather than attempt to make Him in your image.
God has mercy upon my soul. He has gifted me with grace and faith. It is only by grace that I enter into His holy throne room and stand without condemnation. If I attempted to stand on my own merit, I would die a justly condemned man.
So yes, I thank God for His mercy and grace. Can you say the same?

 

[popsthebuilder]

No, I point out your self appointed haughty position, which God laughs at.
I suggest you read the Bible and accept what God reveals about Himself rather than attempt to make Him in your image.
God has mercy upon my soul. He has gifted me with grace and faith. It is only by grace that I enter into His holy throne room and stand without condemnation. If I attempted to stand on my own merit, I would die a justly condemned man.
So yes, I thank God for His mercy and grace. Can you say the same?

I rather not speak about what I do. Just know I have the capacity and will to be ever thankful to our Lord GOD.

What position is that of whom considers himself as nothing and the least?



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[atpollard]

I struggle with no such thing
I do not believe in an all knowing GOD that punished HIS creation for the way HE created it while they are in ignorance

When are they not in ignorance?
I know that children are capable of "anger" and "lying" and "stealing" by the 'terrible twos' ... and throwing food and screaming in a temper tantrum long before they can talk.
Where are these 'totally innocent' children that I hear about?


For the record, God is free to punish or extend grace to whomever God pleases. We are only saying that children cannot DEMAND grace any more than an adult can EARN grace.
No person has a RIGHT to 'unmerited favor' Romans 3:10-12 “THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE; THERE IS NONE WHO UNDERSTANDS, THERE IS NONE WHO SEEKS FOR GOD; ALL HAVE TURNED ASIDE, TOGETHER THEY HAVE BECOME USELESS; THERE IS NONE WHO DOES GOOD, THERE IS NOT EVEN ONE.”

 

[MennoSota]

I rather not speak about what I do. Just know I have the capacity and will to be ever thankful to our Lord GOD.

What position is that of whom considers himself as nothing and the least?



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Of course you do. All of us rebels should be thankful every moment of every day that God extends his mercy in the possibility that today might be that moment when God chooses to gift us with His gracious, unmerited favor.
However, we must face the reality of our rebellion and corruption. We must accept that we are enslaved to sin and darkness of which there is no escape except by the grace of God. We like sheep have gone astray. Each one has gone his own way. We are desperate for the Great Shepherd who seeks His own sheep and brings them safely into the fold.
Are you lost in your sin, following your own god delusion? Have you heard Jesus voice calling you to Himself, offering to take your corrupt life and exchange it for His holiness?
Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. There is no other way.

 

[Josiah]

We are only saying that children cannot DEMAND grace any more than an adult can EARN grace.

No one says otherwise.....

It's just that some insist that God cannot bless or regenerate any under the magical age of X, and thus they have prohibited any from baptizing them (although they MAY, perhaps, permit every other Divine Command and ministry, just NOT THAT ONE); it's just that some limit God to their very prescribed chronological sequence, each in precisely the right sequence, or God is impotent to fulfill His purpose.

No person has a RIGHT to 'unmerited favor' Romans 3:10-12 “THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE; THERE IS NONE WHO UNDERSTANDS, THERE IS NONE WHO SEEKS FOR GOD; ALL HAVE TURNED ASIDE, TOGETHER THEY HAVE BECOME USELESS; THERE IS NONE WHO DOES GOOD, THERE IS NOT EVEN ONE.”

I agree. So age has nothing to do with it. A dead person's heart of repentance in looking to God for mercy in Christ has nothing to do with it. Even their IQ and educational status has nothing to do with it. John the Baptist believed before he was even born because God is not rendered impotent by those under the age of X or by those who have not repented yet or reciting the Sinner's Prayer yet or can't speak yet.

But I see no reason to accept that God loves those over the age of X than those who haven't, no reason to accept that God is able to regenerate those over the age of X but not under, no reason to accept that God cannot regenerate one who doesn't repent (not yet having faith) but only those who first have faith and thus repent. There's no reason to assume that those under the age of X are excluded from God's Commands or heart or desire or purpose or ability to bless. Indeed, IF we are to make a case one way or the other, I think Scripture BETTER supports God lifting high those under the age of X (see the opening post).


ANTI-paedobaptism and Credobaptism (as well as the whole "Age of Accountability" thing) were invented in the 16th Century by radical synergists.... and given THAT theology, it's all very logical (and virtually unavoidable). It totally alludes me how it can possibly "fit" with Reformed theology, but that's me. A few Reformed folks DO accept those things too, I know..... just leaves me totally scratching my head, lol.



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[Josiah]

[MENTION=37]popsthebuilder[/MENTION]

I do not believe in an all knowing GOD that punished HIS creation for the way HE created it while they are in ignorance

I see your point, Pops....


And I think MUCH harm comes when Law and Gospel are mixed..... and when we "connect dots" that God never connected. It's okay to ask questions, IMO, just not okay to appoint self to answer them for God (no matter how "great" our answer to our question seems to us). There's MYSTERY in how God works this all out.....


But Pops.... since it's true that ALL sin (the Bible says that).... and since it's true all are accountable for such (Bible says that, death PROVES it)... well, I just wonder (that's WONDER, not "I'm About to Declare a New Dogma to Which God Must Submit or God is Really Dumb")..... maybe God would provide a way for the faithful to bring their children under God's grace, mercy and forgiveness?????? (those are question marks, not exclamation marks)... a bit like the blood on the doorposts of the homes in the Plagues????? Parents bringing their children under God's grace and mercy? There MUST be SOME reason why Jesus and the Apostles and the NT puts SO much emphasis on baptism (and surely that's NOT because it can do nothing, God can't use it for anything, it's just a waste of time)..... There must be SOME reason why Christians at least by 63 AD (when most of the Apostles were still alive) were baptizing infants, why whole HOUSEHOLDS were baptized, why for over 1500 years, ALL Christians EVERYWHERE baptized children ( until one German man in 1523 suddenly "saw" all those Bible verses that state, "THOU CANST NOT DO THAT!") And while I can't answer that question, I suspect the answer is not, "Cuz Baptism can't do nothing."

I ain't saying anything dogmatic, just wondering ....



:ewink:



- Josiah



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[popsthebuilder]

When are they not in ignorance?
I know that children are capable of "anger" and "lying" and "stealing" by the 'terrible twos' ... and throwing food and screaming in a temper tantrum long before they can talk.
Where are these 'totally innocent' children that I hear about?


For the record, God is free to punish or extend grace to whomever God pleases. We are only saying that children cannot DEMAND grace any more than an adult can EARN grace.
No person has a RIGHT to 'unmerited favor' Romans 3:10-12 “THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE; THERE IS NONE WHO UNDERSTANDS, THERE IS NONE WHO SEEKS FOR GOD; ALL HAVE TURNED ASIDE, TOGETHER THEY HAVE BECOME USELESS; THERE IS NONE WHO DOES GOOD, THERE IS NOT EVEN ONE.”

Ask yourself; when would a child learn these behaviors and motives within a vacuum?

It is wholly dependent on their surroundings and experiences which eventually lead to a view that emulates their upbringing and experience or observations.

When does one have the knowledge of what is wrong, and then knowingly goes against it?

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[popsthebuilder]

Of course you do. All of us rebels should be thankful every moment of every day that God extends his mercy in the possibility that today might be that moment when God chooses to gift us with His gracious, unmerited favor.
However, we must face the reality of our rebellion and corruption. We must accept that we are enslaved to sin and darkness of which there is no escape except by the grace of God. We like sheep have gone astray. Each one has gone his own way. We are desperate for the Great Shepherd who seeks His own sheep and brings them safely into the fold.
Are you lost in your sin, following your own god delusion? Have you heard Jesus voice calling you to Himself, offering to take your corrupt life and exchange it for His holiness?
Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. There is no other way.

I will never proclaim another Way.

Your grand assumption about the contents of my faith and what GOD has placed within HIS vessel are noted.

Would you care to read my testimony that you might understand prior to your speaking blindly?

You are shooting from the waste; but you're a terrible shot. Try some different glasses friend; perhaps some that aren't so shaded.



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[MennoSota]

I will never proclaim another Way.

Your grand assumption about the contents of my faith and what GOD has placed within HIS vessel are noted.

Would you care to read my testimony that you might understand prior to your speaking blindly?

You are shooting from the waste; but you're a terrible shot. Try some different glasses friend; perhaps some that aren't so shaded.



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I have only stated what God says about children and sin, which you have rejected. Whatever story you have I would gladly read. I will not, however, create God in the image I wish Him to be. I will let God speak for Himself.
Now, feel free to share your testimony.

 

[MennoSota]

Ask yourself; when would a child learn these behaviors and motives within a vacuum?

It is wholly dependent on their surroundings and experiences which eventually lead to a view that emulates their upbringing and experience or observations.

When does one have the knowledge of what is wrong, and then knowingly goes against it?

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It is the corrupted nature of human rebellion against God. It manifests itself almost immediately. No social cues needed.

 

[popsthebuilder]

(Children who die will be raised again first.)

1 Thessalonians 4: 15. For this we declare to you on the Lord's own authority--that we who are alive and continue on earth until the Coming of the Lord, shall certainly not forestall those who shall have previously passed away. 16. For the Lord Himself will come down from Heaven with a loud word of command, and with an archangel's voice and the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.

1 Timothy 1: 13. though I was previously a blasphemer and a persecutor and had been insolent in outrage. Yet mercy was shown me, because I had acted ignorantly, not having as yet believed; 14. and the grace of our Lord came to me in overflowing fulness, conferring faith on me and the love which is in Christ Jesus.

Mark 9: 35. Then sitting down He called the Twelve, and said to them, "If any one wishes to be first, he must be last of all and servant of all." 36. And taking a young child He made him stand in their midst, then threw His arms round him and said, 37. "Whoever for my sake receives one such young child as this, receives me; and whoever receives me, receives not so much me as Him who sent me." 39. "You should not have tried to hinder him," replied Jesus, "for there is no one who will use my name to perform a miracle and be able the next minute to speak evil of me. 40. He who is not against us is for us; 41. and whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because you belong to Christ, I solemnly tell you that he will certainly not lose his reward. 42. "And whoever shall occasion the fall of one of these little ones who believe, he would be better off if, with a millstone round his neck, he were lying at the bottom of the sea.

Luke 9: 48. and said to them, "Whoever for my sake receives this little child, receives me; and whoever receives me, receives Him who sent me. For the lowliest among you all--he is the greatest." 49. "Rabbi," replied John, "we have seen a man making use of your name to expel demons; and we forbad him, because he does not come with us." 50. "Do not forbid him," said Jesus, "for he who is not against you is on your side."

Matthew 18: 1. Just then the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who ranks higher than others in the Kingdom of the Heavens?" 2. So He called a young child to Him, and, bidding him stand in the midst of them, 3. said, "In solemn truth I tell you that unless you turn and become like little children, you will in no case be admitted into the Kingdom of the Heavens. 4. Whoever therefore shall humble himself as this young child, he it is who is superior to others in the Kingdom of the Heavens. 5. And whoever for my sake receives one young child such as this, receives me. 6. But whoever shall occasion the fall of one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for him to have a millstone hung round his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. 7. "Alas for the world because of causes of falling! They cannot but come, but alas for each man through whom they come!

Philippians 2: 22. But you know Timothy's approved worth--how, like a child working with his father, he has served with me in furtherance of the Good News.

Luke 18: 15. On one occasion people also brought with them their infants, for Him to touch them; but the disciples, noticing this, proceeded to find fault with them. 16. Jesus however called the infants to Him. "Let the little children come to me," He said; "do not hinder them; for it is to those who are childlike that the Kingdom of God belongs. 17. I tell you in solemn truth that, whoever does not receive the Kingdom of God like a little child will certainly not enter it." 21. "All of those," he replied, "I have kept from my youth." 26. "Who then can be saved?" exclaimed the hearers. 27. "Things impossible with man," He replied, "are possible with God."

Mark 10: 14. Jesus, however, on seeing this, was moved to indignation, and said to them, "Let the little children come to me: do not hinder them; for to those who are childlike the Kingdom of God belongs. 15. In solemn truth I tell you that no one who does not receive the Kingdom of God like a little child will by any possibility enter it." 16. Then He took them in His arms and blessed them lovingly, one by one, laying His hands upon them.


Galatians 6: 15. For neither circumcision nor uncircumcision is of any importance; but only a renewed nature.

(Renewed (as in like before knowing sin))

2 Timothy 3: 3. destitute of

natural affection,

unforgiving, slanderers. They will have no self-control, but will be brutal, opposed to goodness, 4. treacherous, headstrong, self-important. They will love pleasure instead of loving God, 5. and will keep up a make-believe of piety and yet live in defiance of its power. Turn away from people of this sort.

Romans 1: 31. faithless to their promises,

without natural affection, without human pity.

32. In short, though knowing full well the sentence which God pronounces against actions such as theirs, as things which deserve death, they not only practise them, but even encourage and applaud others who do them.

Romans 2: 13. It is not those that merely hear the Law read who are righteous in the sight of God, but it is those that obey the Law who will be pronounced righteous. 14. For when Gentiles who have no Law obey by natural instinct the commands of the Law, they, without having a Law, are a Law to themselves; 15. since they exhibit proof that a knowledge of the conduct which the Law requires is engraven on their hearts, while their consciences also bear witness to the Law, and their thoughts, as if in mutual discussion, accuse them or perhaps maintain their innocence-- 16. on the day when God will judge the secrets of men's lives by Jesus Christ, as declared in the Good News as I have taught it.

1 Corinthians 6: 9. Do you not know that unrighteous men will not inherit God's Kingdom? Cherish no delusion here. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor any who are guilty of unnatural crime, 10. nor theives, nor avaricious people, nor any who are addicted to hard drinking, to abusive language or to greed of gain, will inherit God's Kingdom. 11. And all this describes what some of you were. But now you have had every stain washed off: now you have been set apart as holy: now you have been pronounced free from guilt; in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and through the Spirit of our God.

1 Corinthians 6: 9. Do you not know that unrighteous men will not inherit God's Kingdom? Cherish no delusion here. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor any who are guilty of unnatural crime, 10. nor theives, nor avaricious people, nor any who are addicted to hard drinking, to abusive language or to greed of gain, will inherit God's Kingdom. 11. And all this describes what some of you were. But now you have had every stain washed off: now you have been set apart as holy: now you have been pronounced free from guilt; in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and through the Spirit of our God.


(Children are blessed and the sin ascribed to man is a knowing sin and as such, not imputed onto a child that has yet to be turned to the lusts and greed of man.)

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[popsthebuilder]

[MENTION=37]popsthebuilder[/MENTION]





I see your point, Pops....


And I think MUCH harm comes when Law and Gospel are mixed..... and when we "connect dots" that God never connected. It's okay to ask questions, IMO, just not okay to appoint self to answer them for God (no matter how "great" our answer to our question seems to us). There's MYSTERY in how God works this all out.....


But Pops.... since it's true that ALL sin (the Bible says that).... and since it's true all are accountable for such (Bible says that, death PROVES it)... well, I just wonder (that's WONDER, not "I'm About to Declare a New Dogma to Which God Must Submit or God is Really Dumb")..... maybe God would provide a way for the faithful to bring their children under God's grace, mercy and forgiveness?????? (those are question marks, not exclamation marks)... a bit like the blood on the doorposts of the homes in the Plagues????? Parents bringing their children under God's grace and mercy? There MUST be SOME reason why Jesus and the Apostles and the NT puts SO much emphasis on baptism (and surely that's NOT because it can do nothing, God can't use it for anything, it's just a waste of time)..... There must be SOME reason why Christians at least by 63 AD (when most of the Apostles were still alive) were baptizing infants, why whole HOUSEHOLDS were baptized, why for over 1500 years, ALL Christians EVERYWHERE baptized children ( until one German man in 1523 suddenly "saw" all those Bible verses that state, "THOU CANST NOT DO THAT!") And while I can't answer that question, I suspect the answer is not, "Cuz Baptism can't do nothing."

I ain't saying anything dogmatic, just wondering ....



:ewink:



- Josiah



.

I understand you are hinting at that way being baptism. Please understand that my argument isn't about baptism.

All I am saying is that GOD is merciful and full of grace regardless of if an infant is baptised or not.

All men are guilty of sin. Show me one verse that says a single literal child is guilty of sin from any book.

You are unwittingly limiting the grace and mercy of GOD to the physical capacities of man.

Don't you know one's sin is theirs alone, and that children learn sin and it is not naturally initially a part of them, but a learned behavior that sticks to them slowly or speedily molding their conscience away from good and very often searing it completely?

A child learns sin; period.



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[popsthebuilder]

[MENTION=37]popsthebuilder[/MENTION]





I see your point, Pops....


And I think MUCH harm comes when Law and Gospel are mixed..... and when we "connect dots" that God never connected. It's okay to ask questions, IMO, just not okay to appoint self to answer them for God (no matter how "great" our answer to our question seems to us). There's MYSTERY in how God works this all out.....


But Pops.... since it's true that ALL sin (the Bible says that).... and since it's true all are accountable for such (Bible says that, death PROVES it)... well, I just wonder (that's WONDER, not "I'm About to Declare a New Dogma to Which God Must Submit or God is Really Dumb")..... maybe God would provide a way for the faithful to bring their children under God's grace, mercy and forgiveness?????? (those are question marks, not exclamation marks)... a bit like the blood on the doorposts of the homes in the Plagues????? Parents bringing their children under God's grace and mercy? There MUST be SOME reason why Jesus and the Apostles and the NT puts SO much emphasis on baptism (and surely that's NOT because it can do nothing, God can't use it for anything, it's just a waste of time)..... There must be SOME reason why Christians at least by 63 AD (when most of the Apostles were still alive) were baptizing infants, why whole HOUSEHOLDS were baptized, why for over 1500 years, ALL Christians EVERYWHERE baptized children ( until one German man in 1523 suddenly "saw" all those Bible verses that state, "THOU CANST NOT DO THAT!") And while I can't answer that question, I suspect the answer is not, "Cuz Baptism can't do nothing."

I ain't saying anything dogmatic, just wondering ....



:ewink:



- Josiah



.

I personally think baptism is to be done as an outward sign when one is fully persuaded of GOD through Christ to be a bondservant to the Lord willingly once and forever. I really cannot speak on it from a point of athority though as I have never been baptised. My argument is not based around age or baptism.

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[popsthebuilder]

I have only stated what God says about children and sin, which you have rejected. Whatever story you have I would gladly read. I will not, however, create God in the image I wish Him to be. I will let God speak for Himself.
Now, feel free to share your testimony.

(Show me the verses that say children are damned please; as opposed to men.

Here is a copy I wrote a few years back. I was at very least agnostic when it happened. It was initially written to someone who was curious of why i changed from what i was. I look forward to discussing actual scripture about children.)

This is a copy that I wrote to someone who had inquiries about two years ago I guess.

Please ask anything and give honest opinion.

Okay. A little back ground is in order I suppose.

From early childhood up until what happened I was an atheist or agnostic. I remember thinking at a young age that there couldn't be a God because pain and suffering seemed to be observable everywhere. At some point I did consider the Sun to be a higher power of sorts as no life that I knew of could live without it. I remember asking my father once if he thought there was a God. After careful consideration he replied that he did not know. I lived with my mom. We didn't go to church much; maybe a handful of times in early childhood. She wasn't really spiritual or religious that I could tell. I do recall my grandmother being a believer because at family gatherings she would insist that someone said grace or have thanks to God. Anyway, I went through life in relative solitude, always being somewhat odd or different I guess. At an early age I recognized pain as an electronic signal of sorts. In doing so I was able to train myself to endure quite a bit of it. I turned myself off emotionally somehow, letting little really affect me. I began to realize that anger and pain could be channeled and used as strength and motivation. Not being spiritual in any way, I guess I didn't realize the ramifications this could have later.

Fast forward to mid twenties. All lessons I learned the hard way, taking no advice from any, finding out for myself. Personal failure and disappointment on a constant level made me self loathing. Severe drug addiction made it worse. Though I had strength I couldn't stop by my own will seemingly. I hated pretty much everything, but most of all, myself. I awoke angry and fell asleep angry for years, even before serious drug addiction. I fought myself for a couple of years trying to change the direction I was witnessing myself going. I used to park at graveyards and contemplate death. I fervently wished I had the strength to kill myself, and hated myself that much more for being too cowardly to go through with it. Throughout my life, but mostly throughout my addiction, I had a lot of time to contemplate things, and view my own actions or the lack there of retrospectively. Somewhere in the midst of all this I recall sincerely swallowing my misplaced pride which was all but gone already, and asking for help. I pleaded to GOD, Christ, Jesus, whatever. I did this once. I realized that regardless of what I thought and how strong I thought I was, I couldn't seem to be able to make the change for better happen. Down, at my lowest point, I recall seeing what most likely would have been explained away by anyone(including myself) as a smudge on a window. There was light coming through. Regardless, the smudge had the vague form of an Angel. I don't know exactly why, but seeing that gave me an inkling of hope. I was still severely addicted though I had lost almost everything I had ever cared about. A woman I had a child with had taken me in at this point and the three of us were struggling pretty bad. She told me she was moving back home and said I could come. I did. I vaguely recall seeing something again when we moved. I don't even remember what it was, but I do remember that it reminded me of what I had seen on the window, and again that misplaced hope surfaced. Months went by. Her, my son, and myself moved in together in her home town. I had not used since we moved. I made a trip back home and used for one night. I returned and went back to not using. Throughout this time I still had all the same hate and anger that I had before. Though I was doing better as far as my drug addiction was concerned, she wasn't really trying to change. Our son was in the middle. This and other things brought great tention on our relationship. I went to jail for a somewhat unrelated reason. I got out about a month later I guess. When I returned home with her and my son I realized she had been doing some really messed up things while I was gone. I was so worried for the upbringing of my son that I justified killing her and going to prison, because I thought my son would be better off. I chased her for about a half an hour, methodically. She couldn't leave because I had her car keys. For those minutes I did intent to take her life with my hands. Thankfully, I eventually have her her keys and she left.

Okay, so that was a lot of back story. Sorry if it bored you. I've never went into that much detail about it but it seemed necessary to convey the state of mind I was in.

I'm not sure if it was the next day or a couple of days later.

I'm driving home from work on a usual road. Listening to the radio as I drive. The radio fades out to silence. This never happened before. I adjust the station and volume to no avail whatsoever...silence. Suddenly and inexplicably I feel this great weight, this huge burden lifted from me. My anger, pain, and hatred are removed all at once. I am overwhelmed with joy as tears flow freely from my eyes( something that previously just didn't really happen). I am utterly and wholly grateful and thank GOD. Many things begin to come into my mind. Things I never even fathomed. I am shown, in my mind, how GOD was with me through all things I had endured. I was shown how every step in my life had been for a reason and that GOD had been ever present through it all regardless of my obliviousness to it. I was shown how GOD was there before my conception and through my troubled birth. I was shown that I was here for a reason and that all I had been through was too, for a reason. Many understandings and revelations took place. Then things stopped coming into my mind. An utter peace never thought possible was with me. A joyous expectation of life filled me. The radio fades back in to the same station and volume it had been at. I felt the strong edge to write down what had taken place. When I got home, I found the nearest utensils at hand and began writing. I had intended to describe the happenings that had taken place. What I wrote is more of some sort of moral code. This all happened when I was thirty in 2011. I never really looked at those writings again for about four years. At which time I started reading the bible. For some reason I don't recall I found this invoice book that I had written in years before. When I read it it was as if it had been taken out of the bible or something because of the nature of the written material.

I had never read the bible or really even heard it prior to writing what I wrote.


In the past couple of years other things have happened and changes have taken place. But that is a different story I suppose. Regardless of what happens to me for whatever reasons, I will never forget the miraculous event that took place in my life by the grace and mercy of GOD.
All praise and thanks is to GOD.




(peace)

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