It's been years ago, but once at a Council meeting, our pastor shared an article with us.... seems some organization did a survey of people who had dropped out of church... they once were members and active at a local parish but now were "dechurched" (the term the article used)
I don't recall the exact results, but I do remember that at the top was that they felt not embraced, not befriended, perhaps not even noticed. And it happens too when people move, that "connection" didn't happen (they felt unwelcomed) and so they dropped out of the church.
And I recall then it was a related issued, they felt not cared for. Perhaps they had some need (spiritual, emotional, relational, etc) and it was unmet. The church seemed not to care, the church didn't do anything. Or worse, did something that made it worse. They felt hurt and/or unloved and/or unhelped.
These were the two reasons for the VAST majority of those who dropped out. Whether Catholic or Protestant or Evangelical, the denomination didn't seem to matter.
WAY down on the list was the reason I left my former church, disagreement. And this was usually because they felt the church had become too liberal, especially on moral and/or social issues (rather than mine which was theology).
Typically - as I recall our pastor relating the article - the dechurched (drop outs) are NOT unchristian... they typically don't leave the faith, just the church. They may still regard themselves as "spiritual" and "Christian" and often note a vigorous prayer life. But of course, eventually that fades.. and their children not brought up Christian. These "dechurched" people, he said the article noted, are winnable, they can be regained (although perhaps not by the parish they left) but it ain't easy, there is wrong to undo.
On both my side of the family and my wife's side, all are solidly churched. But I have LOTS of friends, neighbors, co-workers who fit well into that "dechurched" group. ONCE they were active in a church, but rarely if ever attend any church now and who aren't raising their kids particularly Christian. And I hear these stories... of being rejected, of being hurt or let down, of moving and not being able to connect with a church. Rarely is the problem Jesus....but their relationship and faith in Jesus seems seriously diminished.
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