Parents separating kids because of vote

Lämmchen

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I saw this on a friend's wall today on Facebook.

She wrote that her 11 year old daughter's best friend's parents told them that they couldn't be friends anymore because the mother (my friend) is voting for Trump.

If you were the mother who experienced this, how would you handle it? What would you say to your daughter?

If you were the one insisting the children can't be friends, why do you think that is right?
 

Josiah

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I saw this on a friend's wall today on Facebook.

She wrote that her 11 year old daughter's best friend's parents told them that they couldn't be friends anymore because the mother (my friend) is voting for Trump.

If you were the mother who experienced this, how would you handle it? What would you say to your daughter?

If you were the one insisting the children can't be friends, why do you think that is right?


I've seen this too..... Something similar is happening in my extended family.....

The INTENSE, obsessive, personal HATRED of the man Trump is like a cancer and seems infectious and destructive. A friend of mine posted on and on and on and on about her INTENSE personal HATRED of the "man with orange skin." THAT seemed to be her problem, orange skin. Now, I've known her for most of my life and never once heard an off-color word but the post was filled with 4 letter words. It IS amazing. And I sincerely don't think mass HATRED like this is a good thing - politics aside. SURE, we can disagree on issues.... we can decry actions... but this seems intensely, obsessively PERSONAL. And it's poisoning relationships. I suspect this has nothing to do with Trump but with the very caustic political atmosphere.



- Josiah



.
 

Forgiven1

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The mother should give a short lesson in Civics. Then to on to explain that this year's election is so volatile that it is tearing not only friendships, but families apart. That friendships should not be based on your political preferences. Then to pray fervently for this time to pass. People need to relearn to disagree and still be friends/family.
 

tango

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I saw this on a friend's wall today on Facebook.

She wrote that her 11 year old daughter's best friend's parents told them that they couldn't be friends anymore because the mother (my friend) is voting for Trump.

If you were the mother who experienced this, how would you handle it? What would you say to your daughter?

If you were the one insisting the children can't be friends, why do you think that is right?

It seems like an obvious opportunity to indicate which side is really inclusive and tolerant, and which side merely claims to be.

One parent will let their kids play with the children of parents who vote the other way. One parent will not. Guess which one is "inclusive" and "tolerant"?
 

tango

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I've seen this too..... Something similar is happening in my extended family.....

The INTENSE, obsessive, personal HATRED of the man Trump is like a cancer and seems infectious and destructive. A friend of mine posted on and on and on and on about her INTENSE personal HATRED of the "man with orange skin." THAT seemed to be her problem, orange skin. Now, I've known her for most of my life and never once heard an off-color word but the post was filled with 4 letter words. It IS amazing. And I sincerely don't think mass HATRED like this is a good thing - politics aside. SURE, we can disagree on issues.... we can decry actions... but this seems intensely, obsessively PERSONAL. And it's poisoning relationships. I suspect this has nothing to do with Trump but with the very caustic political atmosphere.



- Josiah



.

I think so much of the problem is that in the age of social media, memes and soundbites there's a constant push to reduce everything to a simple binary decision. Once things are reduced to a binary decision you are either right or wrong and, by definition, there can be no middle ground.
 

Josiah

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I think so much of the problem is that in the age of social media, memes and soundbites there's a constant push to reduce everything to a simple binary decision. Once things are reduced to a binary decision you are either right or wrong and, by definition, there can be no middle ground.


I agree.

I think it also reflects an increased lack of civility in our society. ONE of the things that bothers me a lot is how no one seems to DISCUSS anything.... no one seems willing to simply DISAGREE. If someone comes from a different position, they are STUPID, they are IGNORANT, they are misinformed (because they only listen to one side). Rather than saying, "I disagree, here's how I see it" there's "Boy are you stupid!" It's a good way to evade discussion and circumvent issues.

But I DO think there's something OTHER also going on when it comes to Trump. Some just are obsessed by their personal, intense HATRED of the man. Rare can you find anyone talking about the glories of Biden, it's just going on and on and on about how much they HATE Trump.

Both are sad.



.
 

tango

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I agree.

I think it also reflects an increased lack of civility in our society. ONE of the things that bothers me a lot is how no one seems to DISCUSS anything.... no one seems willing to simply DISAGREE. If someone comes from a different position, they are STUPID, they are IGNORANT, they are misinformed (because they only listen to one side). Rather than saying, "I disagree, here's how I see it" there's "Boy are you stupid!" It's a good way to evade discussion and circumvent issues.

But I DO think there's something OTHER also going on when it comes to Trump. Some just are obsessed by their personal, intense HATRED of the man. Rare can you find anyone talking about the glories of Biden, it's just going on and on and on about how much they HATE Trump.

Both are sad.

I get the impression more and more that people are being taught what to think rather than how to think. If you've only ever been taught what to think the chances are you can't defend what you think or why you think it, because it's all you've known. Someone who thinks something different must be wrong, because you've been told what is right and what they think is different. Anything different from what is right is, by definition, wrong. And if they are wrong and refuse to agree with what is right then they must, again almost by definition, be stupid - how else do you describe someone who has been shown what is right and refuses to accept it?

If people have been taught how to think, how to reason, how to assess, they can see merits in nuanced arguments and understand that most things aren't binary, most things are shades of gray and in just about any situation there are multiple ways of looking at it, many of them reasonably valid.

The "discussion by meme" approach used by social media merely exacerbates the problem because not only does it try to reduce things to sound bites and one-liners but it's as if the entire medium is designed to make nuanced discussion ever-more difficult. In this new world where every opinion is presented equally it becomes much easier to drown a discussion by shouting a lot and by recruiting a pack of howler monkeys to disrupt everything in sight. You don't need to disagree coherently, you don't need to present a different viewpoint, you just need to howl a lot and drown out everything else.

As you say, when you take this already toxic mixture and add in "orange man bad" it does nothing to improve matters.
 

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A long time ago, I had a best friend. Her husband was my pastor. The two of us had a disagreement about God's will, where she believed everything was planned out by God, right down to what vegetable I would have for dinner. I believe that we can choose, though, and that if we commit OUR plans to him, he directs us. Anyway, this became a source of contention, and she would even make sure she would pray her side of the argument in the women's group I led. Anyway, it became a real problem in our friendship. I was taking a course at the time called "Knowing God's Will" or something like that, and I actually wrote to the author of the study asking him to settle our disagreement. He wrote back with one simple question: Are you really going to let something this insignificant destroy the loving friendship between you? I don't believe the author was suggesting that predestination vs free will is insignificant, but that our entire friendship should not be predicated on agreeing about it.

I'm the kind of person to use stories to demonstrate principles if I can, and this one put relationships in general, into perspective for me. A disagreement like predestination vs free will, or who to vote for, should not have the power to alter the love between two friends - especially when it's parents intervening between children's friendships over a very adult matter! It is not okay to make children responsible for their parent's beliefs, whether it's theological or political or any other reason.

I would use a story like this to demonstrate the principle to the mother who is breaking up her child's friendship.
 
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