Divorce

Krissy Cakes

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As a newlywed myself, I believe that marriage is a bond, a covenant. There is no more "me" or "you" - it has been replaced with US. Like the two natures of Christ, we are united, inseparable. In our ceremony, we did the "candle" thing. Our parents lit the two candles - representing to TWO of us. But after the pastor declared US a COUPLE, WE went forward and TOGETHER lit the ONE marriage candle and (just as important!) blew out the individual (ME) candles. There is no more me. There is now us.

PART of the reason God set it up this way, IMO, is PRECISELY because sin exists, problems exist, we live together in a fallen word full of evil, injustice, wrong, ego. THUS, WE are joined.... together.... united. "For better or for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health." If the world was one big rose garden, if we all lived out our lives on the good ship lollipop, if sin and evil and wrong didn't exist - THIS reason for marriage wouldn't exist.

I believe that two things TERMINATE the covenant, the bond: adultery and desertion (one spouse LEAVING or forcing the other to LEAVE). I'd place the "bar" high for both. They BREAK the bond..... but the spouses could respond with repentance/forgiveness and restore it..... OR....... (God permits REGRETFULLY, SADLY, because of sin) publicly declare the marriage ended (divorce). I reject the ideas of "we are having difficulties..... she got fat on me.... we have too much debt..... I think my coworker is sexier.... he wants sex too often.... he turned out to be a sinner..... she never converted to my church..... he likes Trump.... this is just too much work.... I like the sex with neighbor better..... he doesn't make enough money.... the kids are a pain..... I don't feel that twinkle feeling much anymore....." or any of a host of "reasons". I don't think God acknowledges any of these, and I don't think any of these terminates the bond (and thus there is no "divorce" - in spite of what some secular court may say). Love is unconditional. Christ's love for us is the biblical model.... God's commitment to us is the model.... Love gives, sacrifices, endures. It reveals itself when BAD happens.

Now.... I realize.... the reality of sin, evil, wrong, problems and the reality that the WE is by nature sinful, the two halves of the WE will - at times - make a royal mess of things. Shuck it up to immaturity and sinfulness. But hopefully, LOVE and a bit (even a tiny bit) of maturity calls us back.... and WE work to restore things. Reconciliation is an essential skill in all relationships, but no more than in marriage. It TOO is work..... but (and here's my point)... it ONLY happens among the WE's that are commited to each other, who consider the reality the WE and not the ME. WE ARE together.... thus WE work this out. When WE is replaced with ME, then it's a war - about how the ME can win and defeat the enemy; such a "marriage" is in big trouble - they forgot the covenant, the bond.... they deleted the WE. But yes..... sometimes couples DO forget and reject that...... sometimes couples DO make a royal MESS of things...... sometimes couples delete love and replace it with hate..... sometimes couples go to war and hurt each other so badly, so deeply (remember sin and immaturity) that even God in heaven above is going to have one ____ of a time repairing it. In those cases, "divorce" may be an option - an admission of just what a mess they made of things. A very, very, very sad thing..... and I'm not at all sure God recognizes it (although He may forgive such!). Marriage is an adult thing.


My half cent....


Pax


- Josiah



.

Why can't someone tell him that? He is running away from his problems. Hes taking the easy way out and it HURTS as I DON'T want it. :(
 

Krissy Cakes

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On a PERSONAL note, Army Wife, I'm very sad about this.... and added you two to my prayer journal.....

Marriage requires TWO to form, but only one to terminate..... desertion can terminate, and that's when one LEAVES (and that doesn't necessarily mean physically). I HOPE some of what I said before comes into primary focus... I HOPE counseling is accepted and that it helps (it WILL help - 100% guarenteed - IF the WE wants it to..... it's a waste of time if a ME has left)....

When you joined to each other, it was mutually promised "For better and for worse." Thousand of years of married couples added that part to the ceremony because worse comes. And THAT'S when you need marriage..... that's when you need the humility and love..... that's when the WE (and not me) becomes critical. Relationships are always work WHEN the going gets rough (and it will). It's what makes the relationship valuable - it forms the bond that makes reconciliation (and growth!) possible. Where relationship doesn't exist... where love doesn't exist.... where WE doesn't exist..... where egoism matters.... problems come and folks give each other the figure and move on. Marriage is for adults. Marriage will be work. Most things of value are.... do..... Here is an opportunity to grow, to apply in very practical and real ways the LOVE that brought you together. But I realize..... none of that cancels out the pain, the hurt. And since often it's only HALF of the WE that is leaving, it can be incredibly frustrating to the other half, a deep sense of powerlessness. No one can be forced to marry - or stay married, as much as our whole being desires such. It takes two to get married but only one to end it.

Sorry....

Praying....

Hoping....




- Josiah

Thank you so much for your prayers. :hug2:

We are doing marriage counseling now. We went to her last week.
 

Josiah

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Why can't someone tell him that? He is running away from his problems. Hes taking the easy way out and it HURTS as I DON'T want it. :(


:empathy:




.
 

psalms 91

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Alithis

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Since my husband wants one I am here to ask what the bible says about divorce? It hurts me so much that he is a so called "Christian" and he wants a divorce. :(

this is an excellent question .. not because of the topic -its an awful and painful topic - but because you ask what the bible says about divorce? not what people say.

as others have pointed out "people " disagree on the topic so we cannot put to much stock ..if any , in peoples varying opinions .

the bible states that God hates divorce .

Malachi 2:16 For I hate divorce!" says the LORD, the God of Israel. "To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty," says the LORD of Heaven's Armies. "So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife." (nlt)

this verse alone is enough to stir any man (or woman) who has any heart towards God left in him . i'm not going to add any opinion .

The new testament states that a person cannot remarry if they get divorced ..yes it happens ,but just don't go there .

in every aspect God is opposed to divorce - yes people will raise up up the infidelity question because it is a valid reason given .. but they fully forget that forgiveness takes precedence over "rights" .
So if the excuses being given for desiring to divorce you are anything to do with "another woman " .. he has no grounds to do so in the sight of God .
he is not being led by God ,he is not obeying God , any reasoning he may be attempting to apply is a lie and demonic in nature .God never contradicts his word and so never leads any one to divorce their partner .
most ongoing Christians i know are those that have been divorced not those who did the divorcing -which i find a very interesting observation .

here is a possibly helpful interview with a couple who fully went through infidelity but through obedience and forgiveness were fully healed and restored in their marriage .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTIzbsmMu1Y
 

Ruth

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I hope the marriage counseling helps you two sort out your difficulties and find ways to cope that are productive for both of you. All the best to you!
 

TurtleHare

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I hope you're marriage counseling helps you both seek some solace in each other and also realize that your marriage took a while to begin to crumble away so don't expect a quick fix in one or two counseling sessions. Healing can take time and it will take effort too.
 

jebadoa

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I am glad to see that you two went to counseling. I pray that you can get to the root of the problem and work through it. Too often couples get divorced over symptoms of a problem without ever addressing the problem itself.
 
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