I can't say what the younger people want changed at that particular church but from the very few times I've attended (the last time was in 2008 for a funeral) I suspect they just want something a little more lively than ancient hymns played too slowly. My friend never said specifically what people want to change - sometimes people don't even say what might have encouraged them to stay. He's not the only person involved in a church who has commented about people who attend a handful of times and then just leave without anyone having chance to find out why they didn't stay.
Of course a major trouble with many churches, once they get to a point where most of the members are elderly, is that it becomes increasingly difficult to attract families with children. Families naturally want a children's ministry for their kids but until there's a critical mass of kids it's all but impossible to make it happen. So the families move to another church where there are more children, leaving the elderly church to fade away and slowly die. From there trying to do things to draw young families possibly means changes that will upset the older folks, so if the young families don't come you potentially push what life is left out of the church.
It's often hard to know what might upset the older folks. At my last church one of the older members was seriously talking about leaving because we were undertaking a major building renovation and she didn't think it would be "her church" any more. Part of the renovation was necessary to remain compliant with the newer building standards, part of it was providing more space for the rapidly growing children's groups we had, and part of it was about a general update and improvement. Thankfully she decided to at least try the new church before giving up, as she concluded that she didn't need to leave after all. The people were the same, the services were the same, the ministries were the same, even if the physical layout of the building had changed.
I know a reluctance to change isn't exclusive to Lutheranism, I merely noted that this particular church happens to be Lutheran and the things that push people away are unlikely to relate to too much tradition, given how well the Mennonite church barely half a mile away does so well. I can't say I've ever associated Mennonite churches with being at the cutting edge of modernity, although I could be wrong on that particular church.
I already shared my perspective in post 29 (also 22 and 35)....
...but to respond to your post, my friend....
1. I think churches are working against a whole consumer mentality, a mindset the everything/everyone exists to serve them, one criteria: "what's in it for ME, how will this benefit ME?" That's hard. Jesus did not set up the church with this in mind. John Kennedy once said, "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country" but today, 99.9% of people (including nearly all Christians) think he was nuts and that that whole mentality is just weird (people even quote him saying the opposite). My Dad use to say, "There are only two kinds of people in the world: Those who look for greener grass and those who work to make the grass greener." (He also noted that the first group never achieves their goal). IMO, the Christian looking for a church that will serve them, that will give to them, proceeding with the whole "what's in it for ME" attitude has a Christian problem.... and they aren't too likely to be happy anywhere. When I found the church where I eventually joined, I looked for two things: Where the Word is rightly taught and where there was evident love. But I also had in mind: Can I help here? No, there were few people my age (and not ONE cute, single girl my age!!!!) but I was welcomed into the choir (I'm a good singer and I love choir), welcomed to help with the property needs (I'm pretty good with that sort of thing; thank you, Dad), immediately (many months before I joined), several other things, too. I was welcomed and appreciated and was making a difference.
2. Trying to be all things to all people isn't always a good policy. Trying to be just like "Loud Lite Community Fellowship" down the street (and not able to do what they they even more than they do it) isn't always a good policy,. IMO. Just because Loud Lite Fellowship does a good job of getting Millennials to attend (for a few months - then loose them) doesn't mean "Faith Reformed Church" MUST copy/paste the same mission. I think there's some wisdom in prayerfully considering one's own church's mission/ministry... establishing one's OWN mission statement (that might NOT be identical to Loud Lite Community Fellowship), in being what they are (and doing that well) rather than trying to be what they aren't (and doing that badly). Doing well what we want to do might be a better approach than badly trying to copy Loud Lite Fellowship.
An illustration. When I joined, I was asked to re-start the Youth Group. Years ago, the church bad one but it died; being young, it was assumed I could create a great group - in spite of the reality that we had 4 (yup, FOUR) active high school kids in the church. There are two HUGE mega "churches" within 2 miles of our church - classic examples of Huge Lite Fellowship (neither has any doctrine,but they have REALLY LOUD worship and gobs and gobs of fun stuff happening - including youth groups with hundreds of kids each, involved in theatre, music, sports, etc.). The pastor told me they occasionally had families with teens visit our church (we worship under 100) and when they learned we don't have 12 youth pastors and 1000 kids in our youth groups and not one soccer team, well..... I was suppose to solve this BECAUSE the church WANTED to serve these... um.... FOUR high school kids. I met with those 4 and learned they didn't want that (which is one reason they didn't go to either of those two mega neighbors). Here's what we did: We just met. With FOUR. These were pretty spiritual kids..... so I did a Bible study and we TALKED (in a very trusting milieu) and prayed for each other. No bowling. No plays. No singing groups. No halloween parties. Bible Study.... sharing.... praying..... supporting. Now we have 7 kids. Another couple has begun the same thing with kids in the fifth and sixth grads (where we have more kids) with the idea of BUILDING a caring supportive community. Ours is a small church... with a lot of love and care.... and a strong emphasis on truth. Our approach has been to embrace who we are - and run with that. Will we likely ever have 12 youth pastors and over 1000 kids involved in basketball, funny plays, and such? Probably not. But if that's what is wanted, they know where to go....those two churches do that VERY well.
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