Family Elder Abuse

Jason76

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
465
Age
47
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Unitarian
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Single
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
No
In a lot of cases, they're probably thinking they're (the family) doing the right thing. Nonetheless, they are often bossy tyrants - throwing away elders in nursing homes when the elders don't want to be there. Well, this all reminds me of the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest", to be honest.

So my solution - is to get as many lawyers as one can afford. I mean, families cannot boss around the elderly without legal permission. It's not enough to "just be family" as say, in the 19th century.
 

Lamb

God's Lil Lamb
Community Team
Administrator
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 10, 2015
Messages
31,566
Age
57
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
There are some really bad nursing homes out there but then there are some very good ones where the elderly get the proper care that they need. It's not a decision that can be taken lightly but there are times when care is needed and the family can't afford to pay for in-home care.

My mother-in-law was in an assisted living home and moved to memory care (another section) later on because of her issues with Parkinsons. She wasn't very old and it was humiliating for her. Yet, none of us could properly care for her at home so we know we made the right decision.
 

tango

... and you shall live ...
Valued Contributor
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
14,084
Location
Realms of chaos
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
In a lot of cases, they're probably thinking they're (the family) doing the right thing. Nonetheless, they are often bossy tyrants - throwing away elders in nursing homes when the elders don't want to be there. Well, this all reminds me of the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest", to be honest.

So my solution - is to get as many lawyers as one can afford. I mean, families cannot boss around the elderly without legal permission. It's not enough to "just be family" as say, in the 19th century.

Yay - another huge generalisation of a potentially complex issue.
 

psalms 91

Well-known member
Moderator
Valued Contributor
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 22, 2015
Messages
15,205
Age
75
Location
Pa
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Charismatic
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
While the issue is complex abuse is wrong no matter the setting or the circumstances so all for charging those that engage in abuse but you are right to broad a brush and no solutions
 

Forgiven1

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 23, 2015
Messages
844
Location
Texas
Gender
Female
Religious Affiliation
Lutheran
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
People who find it necessary to place an elderly person in a nursing home are not throwing them away. They are doing what they find is best for their loved one at the time the decision is made. As a nurse who formerly worked in nursing homes, I can tell you that there is an adjustment period for the elder. Yes, they don't want to be there when they arrive. Most adjust to the idea after a few weeks and realize that his is where they need to be. Also, from the nursing side of things, never promise your loved one that you will never place them in a nursing home. There can and will be situations where you may have to break that promise and that creates another whole set of issues in the family. Betrayal being one of them. These are the people who have the hardest time with the change in their life.

When a family member has power of attorney, they can legally make decisions for their loved one.

Apparently this is an issue you are struggling with for some reason on a personal level, Jason76?
 

tango

... and you shall live ...
Valued Contributor
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
14,084
Location
Realms of chaos
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
While the issue is complex abuse is wrong no matter the setting or the circumstances so all for charging those that engage in abuse but you are right to broad a brush and no solutions

Abuse is wrong without a doubt but the notion of "throwing away" an elderly relative by putting them in a care home is unhelpful at best. If the elderly person doesn't want to be in a care home their desire has to be considered, although a thread like this does little to invite discussion regarding what should happen when an elderly person clearly can't care for themselves any more but has yet to accept that reality.

I personally know a man who is pushing 90 and has lived in a care home for a few years now. He finally accepted he needed to be there during a doctor's visit made for him by a family member. The doctor was asking him some basic questions to figure out how many of his faculties were still working as they should. One of the questions involved how much change he should expect - something about as complex as "if you buy $4 of stuff and pay with a $10, how much change do you get back?". The guy could do this one easily, the answer was $15. At least it was in his mind.

Another potential situation relates to people who have tried to care for an elderly relative but simply can't cope with it any more. It's a nice easy option to demonise such people for "throwing away" their elderly relatives but unless you're willing to provide 24x7x365 support to someone with dementia sufficiently advanced that they might turn the stove on to cook something, then go out in the middle of the night wearing only their nightclothes, with incontinence sufficiently advanced they routinely soil themselves and need to be cleaned Right Now, or even with a less serious condition paired with what might be called "old person crankiness" such that they insist on watching the same TV station all the time with the volume turned right up, you don't get to demonise them at all. If you've tried to explain to an aging relative how important it is that they take their medication, if you've taken the time to put all the pills they need to take into nice neat boxed marked by day and time of day so all they have to do is open the right box and take the pills inside the box, only to then find they haven't been taking their medication or they've taken the wrong ones at the wrong times, if you've called them three times every day to make sure they took the right medication only to later find they still took the wrong things, if you've effectively put your entire life on hold because you have to check in on your elderly relative multiple times daily to make sure they haven't done something that might literally burn the house down around them, maybe then you get to make snide comments about people who decide that a care home is the best option for their aging relative.

To be clear, I haven't personally had to deal with the above but know people who have, and seen them run ragged trying to keep up with impossible requirements.
 

NewCreation435

Well-known member
Valued Contributor
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
4,914
Gender
Male
Religious Affiliation
Christian
Political Affiliation
Conservative
Marital Status
Married
Acceptance of the Trinity & Nicene Creed
Yes
In a lot of cases, they're probably thinking they're (the family) doing the right thing. Nonetheless, they are often bossy tyrants - throwing away elders in nursing homes when the elders don't want to be there. Well, this all reminds me of the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest", to be honest.

So my solution - is to get as many lawyers as one can afford. I mean, families cannot boss around the elderly without legal permission. It's not enough to "just be family" as say, in the 19th century.

While my first memories of going into a nursing home were not that good there are some good ones out there also. They also tend to be fairly expensive if a person isn't already on medicare and Medicaid to pay for them since it is basically 24 hour care. But, if the children work and cannot take care of them what are they suppose to do?
 
Top Bottom