Why are Christians so old-fashioned about sex? I saw this on a list of questions posed to Christians and hey, since so many members are up in arms about some of the topics now, maybe a little sex here will give you a thrill? Keep the discussion clean please.
[CAUTION: Lots of sexism and generalities here, lol]
Some thoughts (on a topic we all like to think about a lot....)
1. TWO aspects. I've read that while the "sex drive" is nearly universal, there are only two species that have sex for fun (one is the dolphin, you know the other). But I think there has ALWAYS been among us a whole other dimension to sex: one of bonding, intimacy, joining... important not only because our nature but because this act is how we procreate, and human infants are EXTREMELY dependent (and for a long time) suggesting that unlike nearly every other species, Mom has a tough time doing this alone - there needs to be a protector, a provider, a helper. And that's where Dad comes in (and to a lesser extent, the whole community). Thus, there are TWO issues here.
2. Changes in Morality and Consequences. There has always been a tendency to separate these (I think usually by us guys - who IMO tend to focus more on the act whereas females focus more on the possible consequence). There is NOTHING new about pre-marital or extra-marital sex, it's been with us forever. Often with the eager participation (or at least consent) of the female, sometimes not. Christians, especially, like to speak of this as if it was invented by liberal pagans in the 1960's..... nope, people have been rolling in the hay for a long time. For some, a keen sense of the bonding/joining/committing aspect of sex kept them moral.... for some, the fear of an unwanted child kept them (creatively) avoiding intercourse anyway.... but sex happened. What happened in the "Sex Revolution" was not so much a change in morality as a change in the consequences: the Sexual Revolution was empowered exclusively by "The Pill" - made legal in the USA in 1960 and very widely employed by the mid 1960's. Sex - Without the Kid. Now, couples could focus on the fun..... and outside of marriage anyway, ignore the other aspect of sex (sometimes, forget about it). In 1973, abortion-on-demand cleaned up the issue of when "The Pill" didn't work, solidifying the Sexual Revolution. Especially for the guys.... Even half a century later, some girls (perhaps it's in their DNA?) still cling to the bonding/intimacy/committing/love part of this. A lot of guys don't, not even in marriage (a LOT of men never become men in terms of sex, just boys with equipment that works). For guys, the commitment thing MAY come when the baby does... but it's not really associated with sex. The Pill (and now a host of other birth control methods) seems to have largely destroyed it (although perhaps it was never dominate). Boys just want to have fun. Girls, too. Kind of like dolphins. Our technology makes it possible (and abortion for when our technology lets us down).
3. Society Gave up. I was a virgin (well, until my wedding night, wink/wink) Like most guys, opportunities were there, almost constantly. I was first STRONGLY propositioned by a girl one year older than me when I was 13 (remember it well). There are plenty of opportunities.... birth control is widely employed and available... abortions are free and easy as a back up.... And any healthy, heterosexual is going to have every cell in his body shout "GREAT!!!!"
That's when other factors kick in (
or not). Fortunately, my parents (which included by school) and my church pretty much hammered into me that sex wasn't JUST about having a really good time. There was another deeper, more powerful, more meaningful aspect..... And that ignoring, forgetting, circumventing that just makes us... um.... dolphins. That sex is about giving and sharing, not using and taking. That sex is also about intimacy/uniting/commiting, and not just about scratching an inch. Enough of that had been drilled into this young teen that... in spite of every cell in my being shouting "ABSOLUTELY" at a deafening level, out of my mouth came essentially a "no" (with my whole being retorting "WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU IDIOT!!!). Fun is fun... but it's not the whole enchilada.... I was EVEN taught that being a MAN (rather than a boy with better toys) is that a MAN controls body, his drives, his emotions, his impulses. I think schools and parents and churches don't talk about this.... partly because they are convinced the human race has devolved into dolphins on this point (and that guys are mindless idiots that can't help themselves), but also because THEY believe it's just fun (the Sexual Revolution changed society); why teach kids what they don't believe and didn't employ (just makes the teachers/parents/preachers feel guilty - at most). Our society has a tiny bit of hope left for the girls... but that's rapidly disappearing.
I could say more.... I"ve probably said too much.
- Josiah
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