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    Results 11 to 20 of 25

    Fun & Games - Thread: Jokes

    1. #11
      Lämmchen's Avatar
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      Saying "I'm sorry" is the same thing as "I apologize" except at a funeral. - Demetri Martin
      "Christianity does not require more work but more trust." Pr. Jonathan Fisk
      "Bearing fruit does not make you a branch. A branch is a branch because it grows from the vine." Pr. Jonathan Fisk
      "A Christian's life is not defined by what the Christian does. It is defined by Christ and what He has done for us." Pr. Rolf David Preus

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      Pray Andrew prayed
    3. #12
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      Certainly not representative of us...

      PBS.jpg
      Well, don't you fret, don't you fear, I will give you good cheer
      Life's a long song, Life's a long song, Life's a long song
      If you wait, then your plate I will fill - Jethro Tull

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    5. #13
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      Quote Originally Posted by Lämmchen View Post
      Saying "I'm sorry" is the same thing as "I apologize" except at a funeral. - Demetri Martin
      Haha! Yes!! I used to listen to that album for days too funny.

    6. #14
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      A Roman Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi...

      ...all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
      One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

      One thing led to another, and they decided to do a seven-day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

      Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

      Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.

      "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me.
      So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb.
      The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."


      Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip.

      In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaimed, "Well, brothers, you know that we don't sprinkle...we dunk! I went out and I found me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's holy word! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.
      So I took hold of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestle down one hill, up another and down another until we came to a crick. So I quickly dunked him and baptized his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.
      We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's holy word, and praising Jesus."


      They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

      The rabbi looks up and says, "Oi! you fellows don't know what trouble is until you try to circumcise a bear"



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      We are justified by works - just not our own.

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    8. #15
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      A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

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    10. #16
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      In the area I grew up at there were a number of Finns. They told Aino and Toivo jokes (Much like Sven and Ole jokes for Swedes) Here is a good one.


      Toivo took a job with Odovero Construction to paint lines on M28. The first day he painted ten miles. The boss was very impressed. The second day he painted two miles. The boss was a little disappointed. The third day he only painted 500 feet. The boss sat him down and said," Toivo, how come you paint ten miles the first day, two miles the next day, but only 500 feet today?". Toivo replied, "Well boss, each day I get farther and farther away from the paint can".*

      Ba dump bump...

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    12. #17
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      Aino and Toivo went out fishing. They caught fish after fish after fish. Toivo got so excited that he told Aino to mark the spot where they were catching all the fish. Aino looked around and found a can of spray paint and sprayed an X on the bottom of the boat. "Okay, Toivo," he said, "I got the spot marked."

    13. #18
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      What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

      One is big and heavy, the other is a little lighter.
      "Do what thou will shall be the whole of the law" - Aleister Crowley

      "If you love me, obey my commandments" - Jesus Christ

      The Bible comes as a complete package. If we want to pluck verses out of context so make them mean what we want them to mean, if we want to ignore the passages that are inconvenient to our outlook, we should be intellectually honest enough to throw our Bibles in the trash and admit we are following Crowley and not Christ.

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    15. #19
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      Quote Originally Posted by MennoSota View Post
      In the area I grew up at there were a number of Finns. They told Aino and Toivo jokes (Much like Sven and Ole jokes for Swedes) Here is a good one.


      Toivo took a job with Odovero Construction to paint lines on M28. The first day he painted ten miles. The boss was very impressed. The second day he painted two miles. The boss was a little disappointed. The third day he only painted 500 feet. The boss sat him down and said," Toivo, how come you paint ten miles the first day, two miles the next day, but only 500 feet today?". Toivo replied, "Well boss, each day I get farther and farther away from the paint can".*

      Ba dump bump...

      In Canada with a suitable change of names that would be a Newfie joke but they would probably work in something about having to paint around the potholes.

    16. #20
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      Quote Originally Posted by jsimms435 View Post
      A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."



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